The Hook’s Purge: Things I Love.

To be clear, I’m not actually purging myself of things I love in this post.

But “The Hook’s Share” made it sound as though I pulled a heist. (“Hook’s Eleven”, anyone?)  So here now, are a few of the many things I adore. And yes, there is room in my heart for love. Sure, the sarcasm, hatred for guests who stiff me, rage towards mean people and general dislike for many, many things in our world takes up a lot of space in my heart and mind, but there’s love in there too! So here we go.

 1)  Making love in the rain.  Or rather, when it’s raining. Going at it while your body is being pelted by raindrops will leave you with tenth-degree pneumonia. Before you know it, you’ll be cursing your sex drive and even the Lord himself for giving you sex organs in the first place. Trust me on this.

2)  Oreo cookies.  Mere words cannot do these suckers justice. Ambrosia exists on Earth, friends. The wife does her best to keep the Oreos out of the house, lest I get to big to fit out the door. Then again, when we do get a bag or two in the house, she’s the one that removes the filling, reassembles the cookies and puts the resulting abomination back in the bag. Yes, I agree that such an act should be punishable by death. However, in her defense… she’s ridiculously-perfect.

3)  The dark.  Surprised? I’ve spent enough of my life fearing that which goes bump in the night.

No more.

Good things can happen in the dark, not just evil acts. Besides, I realized long ago that the greatest evil ever perpetrated upon my person happened in broad daylight, so the dark holds no real fear for me.

So there.

4)  Comic books.  Anyone with even a passing familiarity of The Hook knows I’m a ginormous geek. I’ve been one ever since I was a mere lad. Back then, comics were a safe haven from the challenges of my youth. Loneliness. Being an outcast. Abuse. My parents’ divorce. (It’s not a  cliché; the kids really do suffer most in a divorce.)

As I grew – like a redwood – comics books became something else entirely. Now comic book characters represent the many facets of the human condition. They represent the good and evil in the human heart. They stand for hope. And as they say, hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things.

5)  Bacon.  Because, well… it’s bacon.

6)  Popcorn.  Microwave. Jiffy Pop. Even the insanely-overpriced movie version.

I love it all. So does my dentist – but for vastly different reasons, obviously.

7)  Coca-Cola.  The sound a can of Coke makes when you pull that little tab is music to my Canadian ears. It’s been banned in our home but I still enjoy the occasional can of Coke from time to time. Shh…

8)  Murdoch Mysteries.  Again, this is no mystery to longtime readers, but for those of you who have no idea just why I love MM, here’s a quick primer:

• It was my late father-in-law’s favorite “TV program”. It gave him hope as he battled emphysema. Near the end of his life, it gave him something to look forward to each day. In fact, he’d watch every airing of Murdoch he could find – even in his last days in the hospital.
• Murdoch Mysteries is a damn good show on every level. Period.
• The whole family can sit and watch MM. How many shows can you say that about these days?

9)  My family.  This pretty much goes without saying, right? And yet, five days a week I serve guests who appear to loathe their clan. To these folks, death would be preferable to a family vacation. Personally, I feel like my life didn’t really begin until I had a family. My wife, daughter and even that crazy little Shih Tzu named Chelsea, make my existence worthwhile.

10)  Niagara Falls Comic Con.  Not only do they have comics, they’re right in my backyard (or to be clear, a twenty-minute walk from my house) and they’re spectacular. Conventions like NFCC and Fan Expo Canada in Toronto provide a place of acceptance, a safe haven for people who feel like outcasts the rest of the year. A simple thing, really, but priceless.

11)  Watching a child discover something for the first time.  These days, admitting you watch a child do anything makes you sound creepy, but I assure my intentions are honorable. I think kids are amazing – when they’re not on my lawn or screaming in the lobby like howler monkeys on crack – and when a child first discovers one of the world’s mysteries… well, the look on their face will melt your heart and reaffirm your faith in humanity. Until you watch a Kardashian do anything, that is.

12)  My virtual pals.  Some would argue that social media has created a divide in humanity; we “communicate” online but we don’t really connect face-to-face anymore. Personally, I feel closer to some of my online friends than some of the people I grew up with.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the line between a casual virtual connection and a “real world’ one. But the bottom line is this: with WordPress or Twitter I would never have met most of you and the truth is, you’ve made my life even better. You lift me up (cue the Josh Groban background music), you give me confidence when I don’t have an ounce, and you make me feel like I’m contributing to the world – even if I’m only making a few souls laugh or consider tipping a bellman.

And I love you all for it. 

Even Ned Hickson.

That’s all I have for you today, friends. All this happiness stuff has me feeling weird. Time to go lip off to a guest or two while avoiding a trip to HR.

See you in the lobby…