The Hook’s Purge: Things I Hate.

Hate shared is hate no more.

Or something like that.

Today, kids, I’m going to cut loose – not that I don’t do that anyway – and regale you with a list of all some of the things that drive me around the bend. I’m doing this for several reasons.

  1.  It feels good to share.
  2.  Purging negativity publicly has actually made me a better person in real life (especially at work) , and it feels equally healthy to do so virtually.
  3.  Lists are great when a blogger is as blocked as a fat kid after he leaves  an all-you-can-eat cheese buffet.

Uh, I’d really appreciate it if you could ignore that last one…

So here we go. A list of thing I hate. By Robert Hookey. Also known as The Hook. (Told you I was blocked.)

1)  Guests who check in with dogs whose leashes are so tight the pooch looks like a Smurf puppy.  I know you want to keep them close by, people, but no one likes a dead doggie.

2)  People who use words like “strategical”.  The English language has taken a beating in recent years and these individuals are not helping.

3)  Social media trolls.  When it comes to Twitter, I’ve been blocked more than a dirt road during flood season – but only by morons. I’m referring to virtual presences who hate for the sake of hating. They can ruin your day and in some cases, your entire life.

4)  Terrorists.  I hate those guys.

5)  Travelers who don’t know what to call a luggage cart.  Rollie Thingies. Portermobiles. Monkey Bars. (Yep.) Wagons. I get it, folks; you don’t get out much. There’s nothing wrong with that, but surely you’ve seen a film or a TV show that feature a hotel. Or maybe you’ve had a conversation with someone that is slightly more intelligent than you. Which, I’m assuming is pretty much everyone. Either way… come on!

6)  Abusive spouses.  I once met a guest who actually bit his girlfriend’s nose while they were at the Concierge Desk. Sadly (not so much) his car was mysteriously keyed, the words, “Wife Beater” carved into it, at a local restaurant he visited minutes after checking out. Such a shame… but not really.

7)  Guests who have no idea where their room is.  They’ve come from around the globe but they don’t have the sense to ask directions to their room? Then they expect me to help them out when they can’t even give me the name the reservation was booked under? #NotKreskin

8)  Male travelers who call me “Boss”.  I’m not even the boss at home, never mind the hotel.

9)  Cougars who assume my manhood is curved because my name is “The Hook”.  Yes, there have been male guests who’ve made this assumption as well, but it’s somehow creepier when cougars do it while sliding in closer to me in the lobby, the room or worse, a crowded elevator.

Which brings me to my next point…

10)  Cougars who feel me up and assume my rigid rubber doorstop is my… you know.  I’ll admit, it’s hilarious – but not when it’s actually happening to me.

11)  Cougars who feel me up.  Period. I’m as red-blooded and willing to go the extra mile for a gratuity as the next bellman, but I’m also married, so please, ladies, don’t squeeze the Charmin so aggressively.

12)  Steve.  If you knew Steve, you’d understand.

All right, I think that’s enough, don’t you? Too much purging can leave a guy feeling hollow. Besides, I don’t want to spew too much Haterade. Don’t worry, be happy, right?

anigif_enhanced-22444-1424380215-18Apparently Kristen doesn’t care for Haterade either…

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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21 Responses to The Hook’s Purge: Things I Hate.

  1. Allie P. says:

    Steve’s secretly excited he made a list.

  2. Tara says:

    I’d love to do a hate list myself, but I’m afraid it might contain multiple variations of the same theme this week. Instead, I’ll stick to commenting… the annihilation of the English language: I’m with you all the way – even the card attached to my birthday flowers from my husband was an English tragedy (and through no fault of his). Cougars – what the WHAT?! I hate that too, because just how is that okay when women everywhere are getting their panties twisted over sexual harassment? Lastly – I heard that one those boys from New Direction was getting harassed by “fans” who somehow managed to get hold of his personal phone number and said all sorts of terrible things to him about himself and his family. WHO has time for that??! Really.

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    I hope you feel better. Some people are the suck. I remember your Steve blog.

  4. amt07 says:

    I died on the inside when I read 9).

  5. susielindau says:

    I LOVE your list. I try not to focus on the negative and live in sort of a bubble these days. You are a saint, Hook!

  6. Mark Myers says:

    Doorstop… Haha. Wondering how the curve allows it to wedge the door.

  7. Haters gonna hate, hate, hate… or something like that! LOL! I really don’t like Taylor Swift music or most female.. NOT ALL female artist. Because I love.. that’s L O V E Heart, Meredith Brooks and Sarah Mclachlan! I just don’t do pop hardly at all, Taylor is cute and talented, I just don’t like her music.
    I do not use the word “hate” in my vocabulary. There are very few things or people I “hate”. There are some I really, really, really dislike though!! LOL!

  8. oceanswater says:

    I am totally with you on 3, 4, and 6! Great list, I should do one of my own… Have a great weekend Hook!

  9. Great list, Hook. I loved the description of the kid blocked after an all you can eat cheese buffet..

  10. granny1947 says:

    Love number 8. It is good to be back.

  11. Paul says:

    Great rant Hook. Clears the cobwebs.

  12. Doug in Oakland says:

    The Urban Dictionary equates the use of “strategical” with the use of “brang” instead of “brought”…
    And Neko Case says that a cougar is an animal that eats you whole and poops you out on a rock.

  13. Ah, poor Steve. Your doorstop gets a lot of action, though.

  14. I find it hard to believe that you have actually been blocked on Twitter? Are you sure your wife hasn’t been playing tricks on you?

  15. curvyroads says:

    YES to #2. People just ARE stupid.
    And it is good to get things out, what else is a blog for??? LOL, how would I know?

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