Hate shared is hate no more.
Or something like that.
Today, kids, I’m going to cut loose – not that I don’t do that anyway – and regale you with a list of
all some of the things that drive me around the bend. I’m doing this for several reasons.
- It feels good to share.
- Purging negativity publicly has actually made me a better person in real life (especially at work) , and it feels equally healthy to do so virtually.
- Lists are great when a blogger is as blocked as a fat kid after he leaves an all-you-can-eat cheese buffet.
Uh, I’d really appreciate it if you could ignore that last one…
So here we go. A list of thing I hate. By Robert Hookey. Also known as The Hook. (Told you I was blocked.)
1) Guests who check in with dogs whose leashes are so tight the pooch looks like a Smurf puppy. I know you want to keep them close by, people, but no one likes a dead doggie.
2) People who use words like “strategical”. The English language has taken a beating in recent years and these individuals are not helping.
3) Social media trolls. When it comes to Twitter, I’ve been blocked more than a dirt road during flood season – but only by morons. I’m referring to virtual presences who hate for the sake of hating. They can ruin your day and in some cases, your entire life.
4) Terrorists. I hate those guys.
5) Travelers who don’t know what to call a luggage cart. Rollie Thingies. Portermobiles. Monkey Bars. (Yep.) Wagons. I get it, folks; you don’t get out much. There’s nothing wrong with that, but surely you’ve seen a film or a TV show that feature a hotel. Or maybe you’ve had a conversation with someone that is slightly more intelligent than you. Which, I’m assuming is pretty much everyone. Either way… come on!
6) Abusive spouses. I once met a guest who actually bit his girlfriend’s nose while they were at the Concierge Desk. Sadly (not so much) his car was mysteriously keyed, the words, “Wife Beater” carved into it, at a local restaurant he visited minutes after checking out. Such a shame… but not really.
7) Guests who have no idea where their room is. They’ve come from around the globe but they don’t have the sense to ask directions to their room? Then they expect me to help them out when they can’t even give me the name the reservation was booked under? #NotKreskin
8) Male travelers who call me “Boss”. I’m not even the boss at home, never mind the hotel.
9) Cougars who assume my manhood is curved because my name is “The Hook”. Yes, there have been male guests who’ve made this assumption as well, but it’s somehow creepier when cougars do it while sliding in closer to me in the lobby, the room or worse, a crowded elevator.
Which brings me to my next point…
10) Cougars who feel me up and assume my rigid rubber doorstop is my… you know. I’ll admit, it’s hilarious – but not when it’s actually happening to me.
11) Cougars who feel me up. Period. I’m as red-blooded and willing to go the extra mile for a gratuity as the next bellman, but I’m also married, so please, ladies, don’t squeeze the Charmin so aggressively.
12) Steve. If you knew Steve, you’d understand.
All right, I think that’s enough, don’t you? Too much purging can leave a guy feeling hollow. Besides, I don’t want to spew too much Haterade. Don’t worry, be happy, right?
See you in the lobby, kids…