“Boy, That Was Quick!”

And yes, that is what she said.

And it’s also what you’re going top be thinking after reading this one, friends. Incidentally, assuming I’ve done my job correctly, you’ll also be thinking:

“Well, at least that was so hilarious my coffee shot out my nose! The Hook owes me a new laptop – again!”

This post was born from the human catastrophe known as Passover, one of the Jewish religion’s most sacred and widely observed holidays. However, you’d never guess it if you stood in the lobby with me and observed – with wide eyes – the carnage and madness that comes about when you put hundreds of Jewish families together in one hotel. One thousand rooms spread across three towers is not enough to contain thousands of Jews filled with religious fervor. 

And no, I’m not being anti-Semitic, I’m simply stating an all-too real, sobering fact of a bellman’s life. I love Jewish folk; most are hard-working, ridiculously-decent, family-minded folk who walk around with a beaming smile on their faces.

But there are those among them who transform Passover from a sacred holiday to a traveling circus. When I deal with these folks, Passover is madness incarnate. They switch Passover into Murphy’s Law incarnate.

On the other hand, thanks to these individuals, Passover is a great opportunity for me to… well, be me, simply put.

The Set-up: A lobby full of guests of every variety – and hundreds of Jewish families. Oh, and a million screaming children, their voices merged into one seemingly-never-ending war cry. The phone at the Bell Desk is ringing – as it has for an hour straight. A guest approaches me to retrieve his luggage. At that exact moment, despite seeing me obviously overwhelmed, a young Jewish mother walks up to my desk, baby stroller full of boxes of food in tow (I kid you not!), glances at the weather report we leave out for guests and asks me,

“You know what the weather is going to be tomorrow?”

My next course of action was obvious. I would’ve been a fool to let this moment pass me by. With a tone that was as straight as Charlie Sheen at a Vegas porno convention, I answered her.

“Sandstorm. With a chance of locusts, miss.”

In retrospect… I had no choice, really.

My guest (a Gentile) simply broke into raucous laughter and walked away, knowing I was going to meet him at his room anyway. Where, by the way, he tipped me extra for the biggest laugh of his life. The Jewish mom simply stared at me. It was obvious I was going to have to do a little damage control – but I was more than cool with that.

“You see, miss, the weather report is right there… though to be honest, I pay little attention to it. The weather can change in an instant… so the best thing to do is wake up, step over your kids, navigate your way around all the boxes of food you’ve brought with you and simply look out the window.  That weather report will never lie to you, miss.”

She remained both motionless and emotionless. But I was still  overwhelmed so I headed out and left her standing there to ponder her first encounter with The Hook, world’s most outspoken bellman.

And no, I wasn’t called down to HR, so once again, it’s all good.

See you in the lobby, kids…


About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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27 Responses to “Boy, That Was Quick!”

  1. Tara says:

    First encounter with the Hook. Haha! It’s definitely one experience to add to the bucket list.

  2. I love interesting weather reports, and you are correct, the best way to check is to look out the window.

  3. Paul says:

    Ha! Hilarious Hook. Well done – thanks for the laughs with my morning coffee. 🙂

  4. davidprosser says:

    You do take your life in your hands Robert. One of these days you’ll meet someone with no sense of humour whatsoever (again) and they’ll make a damning complaint. It will be the day someone in HR or a boss, has got out of bed with gout ( the illness, not a person).
    I hope that day never comes or we might lose one of our best comedians. At which point out comes the anecdotal book and makes you a fortune.

  5. renxkyoko says:

    LOL ! ! Good one, Mr. Hook !

  6. I wish I had been there . That guy who got the laugh is lucky.

  7. JMC813 says:

    I completely agree with your approach at forecasting the weather and apply the same method daily. Who knew we were BOTH meteorologists? Another awesome tale from the HOOK side.

  8. umashankar says:

    Your final advise about weather was a gem. That said, folks in your HR are playing with dynamite fuses 24x7x365.

  9. inidna says:

    Haha Hook gold!

  10. Window? Simple is just too difficult. Snort worthy indeed!
    (and happy cinco de mayo…so not Mexico’s Independence Day, but the beer distributors will never tell. Cerveza for all – any day is a holiday! HA HA)

  11. I suppose she’d rather you said, “fiery hail followed by utter darkness?” No, I didn’t think so. I’d take the sand and critters too…
    Glad you’ve not been called down to HR yet, Hook…

  12. Ned's Blog says:

    The scary part is that they will probably come back and ask for you, Robert… 😉

  13. shimoniac says:

    Definitely a snort of milk on the keyboard post. I really have to remember not to be eating or drinking while reading your posts. My favourite plague was the rain of frogs, with a chance of blood.

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