Cheerleaders, man…

I’d like to begin by stating my love for cheerleaders and the parents who sacrifice so much to support them as they shake their pom-poms.

I’d like to begin that way…

I kid of course – but that’s only because I’m a jerk. The truth is, most cheerleaders, cheer parents and even cheer pets are all right in my book. Which, by the way, no one bought. Moving on…

Niagara Falls was recently infested visited by thousands of cheer families and I have to tell you, they were unforgettable. Among the words I could use to describe them are:

  •  Hostile.
  •  Cheerful.
  •  Rage-filled.
  •  Cheap.
  •  Over-caffeinated.
  •  Exuberant.
  •  Bitch nuts.

Sorry, that last one was inspired by The Walking Dead. (I’m a huge nerd.)

Among the three thousand young ladies of the cheering persuasion that were in the hotel, a few stood out, with little effort. For example, check out this winner I passed on my way to a room. She was roughly seventeen, done up like a mini-hooker, naturally, and surrounded by a dozen of her cohorts whom she was addressing as they made their way through the lobby. And she was a blogger’s dream come true.

“Yeah, I had to break up with him because he wasn’t on my intellectual level!”

Yes, you read that correctly. He didn’t challenge her intellectually.

I cannot begin to articulate how much I wanted to say something to this young bottom feeder, but sadly, if I had said something without a proper opening/set-up it would have been cruel. 

Still, I got a blog post out of the whole mess, so that’s something.

See you in the lobby, kids…

latestSadly, not all cheerleaders are this much fun…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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34 Responses to Cheerleaders, man…

  1. Oh the control you have Hook …. the control you have.

  2. inidna says:

    Hahaha Bitch nuts. Too good! I admire your control 😉 Even if I wouldn’t have said something to her, I probably would have burst out laughing overhearing something that!

  3. Tara says:

    When I was a cheerleader growing up, our school was a rural school full of middle class kids. The cheerleaders (all of us) were average looking girls with at least half a brain. Now my daughter is one in a rural school full of middle class kids, and they’re all very normal looking girls. I have never seen this type you’re describing IRL, but they sure sound like a fascinating breed.

  4. Oh, I’ve seen them. It all depends on how grounded the parents and coaches are.

    What you describe sounds like the competition squads – that probably are private paid by parents rather than the school squads. Those are generally the kids (and parents) who pay for private coaches and for the private team group lessons/travels and all the outfits.

    Many of those kids may not have made the school squads, or the parents don’t think the school ones are “good enough” or the kid may lack the discipline, interest to cheer at games and keep up with school work, gymnastic skills, or personality to get along with the others at schools.

    Private squads are a whole different (sometimes ugly) world.
    Cheer leading private squads are big business – lots of money to be made off parents all to willing to pay for a chance for their kid to be on stage and they have to have all the stuff at the competitions for sale targeting just them…or the girls whine and get ugly.

    Still, cheerleading is quite athletic here even in schools and an alternative for some tired of competitive gymnastics – (that’s even more nuts with competitive adults, brutal, and the top level gymnastic girls do have their growth stunted and often live with pain the rest of their lives). It can be fun – or a nightmare. Up to parents.

  5. You do know you’re bonkers don’t you?

  6. shimoniac says:

    Reminds me of a story my father told me about the time he and my mother went to NF for an anniversary. In the morning, they went to the attached restaurant to find it infested with cheerleaders; millions of them, or so Dad claimed. All talking at the top of their VERY LOUD VOICES.

    Every one of the girls ordered the super-gigantic-gut-buster breakfast, and only ate half a piece of the toast. The restaurant was out of EVERYTHING: no eggs, bacon, sausage, bread, hash browns, etc. Meanwhile, the bus person was throwing away enough to feed a small town.

    Mom said that it was just as well they had to go somewhere else for breakfast, because the competing perfumes were enough to set off the fire alarm. I think she was using hyperbole, but I’m not sure.

  7. Paul says:

    Teens of that age are often going through a narcissistic stage and when you add putting them on a stage and performing – they are likely to think of themselves as goddesses. As Philmouse so eloquently put it, it is all up to how they is [my attempt at hillbilly] raised. That many female teens in one place would drive me nuts Hook – they tend to boost each other’s drama component. And no one can do drama like a female teen. ha! And, as you noticed – the cliques are a part of their lives . You have a teen at home,don’t you Hook?

    Anyway, your self-control at not having zinged one yet is admirable Hook.

  8. rumpydog says:

    Met a few of these families. The private cheer teams are the most interesting. Parents pay out the ass to keep these kids in stuff and keep them on the road in competitions. But it does give the kids an outlet they would otherwise not have, at least in this part of the country. As for the teen, every teenager is a jerk. What’s sad is when their parents are too.

  9. Doug in Oakland says:

    From the New Pornographers:
    We fought to find our thoughts,
    The runway walked us through.
    The swimsuit portion of the evening
    Cancelled due to rain.
    The pageant’s called again.
    You’ll find this kind of blank adventure
    Happens all the time,
    Because nobody knows the wreck of the soul the way you do,
    Miss Teen Wordpower.

    …And don’t forget that George W. Bush was a cheerleader.

  10. When she said he wasn’t on her intellectual level I envisioned that he was a member of MENSA and obviously she felt inadequate.

  11. Bitch nuts…. could be my new tag line… must consider….

    LOL, Hook.. love your observations..

  12. JMC813 says:

    Given the current state of our public school system, it horrifies me beyond words to think that what she said might have actually been true!! It gives me nightmares just to think of it. Nightmares I say!!!
    Have no idea who to feel sorrier for…….The girl, her knuckle dragger of an EX boyfriend, or any teacher with either of them on their class roster. That’s just bitch nuts! (Also a huge WD fan/nerd)

  13. 1jaded1 says:

    John said what was on my mind. Another brave adventure you took us on.

  14. msexceptiontotherule says:

    …Not on her intellectual level…

    So, he still plays video games and doesn’t have a car/a bitchin’ car (a camaro, obviously would be a “bitchin’ car” – just ask the dead milkmen!) Ehhhh…when she inevitably finds herself routinely forced to crawl out of a boyfriend’s basement window because he doesn’t want his mom to know she’s been coming over to “watch netflix and chill”, I’m sure she’ll have an epiphany of some sort. (*snorks* ever so lady-like)

    As I prepare for another hotel stay this coming week (installing new floors and the stair treads will be removed for a large part of the work, appliances will be ‘manipulated’ as will all the furniture. Don’t even know what ‘manipulating’ appliances entails but it sounds like less than fun.) I guess I should be thankful there won’t be any cheer competition participants involved. Long-term hotel residents with questionable shifty-eyed visitors, yeah there will probably be some of those, but the hotel accommodations are likely a bit too expensive to really worry about being stuck with wall-to-wall criminals.

    • The Hook says:

      Good for you.
      Refined tastes are always better for one’s peace of mind.

      • msexceptiontotherule says:

        No objections to playing video games, it’s when the guy expects a bj while he’s playing them that’s the problem.

        How’s he supposed to get ‘on the job training’ with his focus all on a video game?

      • msexceptiontotherule says:

        …And it just occurred to me that you might have been referring to the hotel accommodations.
        (hits forehead on desk.)

  15. umashankar says:

    Why I do I have this feeling the cheerleaders may be aliens? It’s futile to dream of achieving those levels of consciousness. At the same time, they are entitled to their existence in the galaxy.

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