An Important Travel Tip From The Hook.

In this day and age of wireless connectivity, many travelers find it impossible to unplug and actually enjoy the journey.

This is a shame, because most guests I meet are wound tighter than Donald Trump’s hairpiece right before a televised debate.

And that’s pretty tight.

We all need to learn to relax while traveling, folks. Why spend thousands of dollars if you’re not going to truly unwind while away from home? You might as well stay on your couch and obsess over every detail of your life. At least that way, you can save the cash for therapy and antidepressants.

That having been said, most travelers could stand to put more effort into the planning phase of their excursions. Unwinding requires some forethought. For example, when it comes to having certain aspects of your home life follow you on vacation, you really need to think things through. Failure to do so could get you a free trip to the last place you want to call home-away-from-home…

Confused? Stick with me and all will be clear soon.

A young wife recently approached the hotel’s Concierge Desk to make a rather routine request.

“My husband is expecting a very important package that should be delivered in the next day or so… can you inform us when it arrives?  It’s vital my husband get this package!  My husband’s package is very significant!”

Yes, it’s a crying shame I wasn’t there to discuss that last sentence with the young, over-enthusiastic bride. To be fair, though, I most likely would have been laughing far too hard to say anything at all – for fifteen minutes at least. Golden opportunities like that don’t land in my lap every day, kids.

At any rate, the bride in question was adamant that her hubby’s package was something “that should not be ignored”. (Again, I can’t believe I missed this chick.) Unfortunately, the couple checked out before the aforementioned package showed up. This is where it gets tricky, my friends.

The bride was smart enough to leave a forwarding address for her spouse’s package – though one would imagine it went everywhere he did – and so she assumed that she covered all her bases.

Boy, did she get it wrong.

Dead wrong.

I know you’re confused again. Hang in there.

While the bride was wise enough to leave a forwarding address, she was completely brain-dead when it came to the reality of having items shipped to her hotel. Listen carefully to this travel tip…

When you have a package shipped to a hotel with your name on it, it can actually be considered the establishment’s property once they assume responsibility for it. 

In some cases, hotels will feel compelled to open certain packages if they feel the contents are of a suspicious nature. They are perfectly within their rights to do so.

And that’s exactly what happened in this case.

Security opened the package in question.

Which contained enough cocaine to put Keith Richards in the ground.

Yes, you read that correctly. The local authorities examined the white powder, confirmed it’s nature and sent it on to the PD in the couple’s hometown so an arrest or two could me made. Fortunately, their dealer even left a card in the package so the police in his district can bring him in for milk and cookies.

So do you see what the bride did wrong, readers?

ONE:  She was far too stupid to be allowed to venture into the great wide open.

TWO:  She and her husband actually had a butt load of cocaine shipped to their hotel.

THREE:  They left their real address so their drugs could be shipped there – and so the authorities could easily track them down.

Again, the real tragedy here was that all of this happened while I was off-duty. Still, at least I can use this almost-unbelievable situation to entertain, illuminate and educate my readership.

Yes, I am quite the humanitarian, thank you very much.

See you in the lobby, kids.

Just don’t send your drugs there.

I  love humanity…