Maybe I’m being a bit premature with this declaration. I’m told that happens to men from time to time, but we’ll see.
I’ve been considering filming a “trailer” for the blog, a visual representation of what The Hook is all about.
Because, let’s face it, I won’t be happy until I’ve crashed and burned in every medium available to me.
My ponderings have led me to seek counsel from colleagues who are more adept at vlogs/films. Their opinions vary wildly but one constant can be found; I need to create something that represents who I really am and what I’m all about. In other words, I need to stay true to myself and the Code of The Hook.
The following brief exchange between myself and the world’s most bizarre cougar is a perfect example of who I am at my core.
She was the prototypical cougar: a dyed blonde with leathery skin, a toned form, garish make-up and an attitude that… well, defies description, really. Trust me, you’ll agree in a moment.
I had finished loading her belongings onto my cart (two cosmetic cases, three suitcases, four garment bags and a small cloth bag that was buzzing like a neon sign in the rain) when she decided my efforts were so extraordinary they deserved an “extra-special” reward.
CRAZY COUGE: You’ve done such an extraordinary job, Robert! I think you deserve an “extra-special” reward!
ME: I may be biased, but I’m inclined to agree!
Never argue with a guest – if you can avoid it, of course.
CRAZY COUGE: You’re so great… I think I should rape you!
Yes, that’s what she said.
I kid you not.
As per usual, I responded without missing a beat.
ME: Thank you, miss… but I prefer cash tips.
And that’s who I am in a nutshell, folks. I’m the guy, who, in spite of his introverted nature, can go toe-to-toe with God’s throwaways without blinking. You wouldn’t know it to look at me (I look like a narc/accountant hybrid on acid), but on my best days I have a razor-sharp-yet-wickedly-dry wit and a flair for putting people in their place without inciting them to violence.
My life is a true one-of-a-kind waking nightmare of sorts, one that I know people would enjoy watching/reading about.
If only the CBC, literary agents, publishers, The Huffington Post Canada, William Shatner, Sangita Patel and others didn’t hate my guts.
See you in the lobby, kids…