I Lost it.

Fair Warning: This post is not safe for work! Then again, what else is new? But seriously, today’s life-affirming message contains a pic that is actually integral to the storytelling process. Trust me, it wouldn’t be here otherwise.

breakI lost it.

My composure, that is.

My mind was lost long ago, friends. Truth be told, I never recovered from the whole “New Coke” debacle in the Eighties. Yes, I was a fragile teen. But things have changed.

Despite everything you’ve read over the last few years, I consider myself a pretty well-put-together guy. I mean, after twenty-one years of marriage, seventeen years of fatherhood, and nineteen years of hospitality service, it takes a lot to rattle me.

And so when I was sitting alone at my desk in a near-deserted lobby at around eight o’clock on a Tuesday night in the dead of a Canadian winter, and I happened to notice a fetching young woman staring at me, I was fine with it. Granted, it rarely happens… okay, so it never happens… but I was fine with it nonetheless.

latest

 This isn’t my hotel, but it conveys my point perfectly.

She was a striking ginger lass of average height and above-average looks and yet, for some inexplicable reason, she was alone. Despite being dressed to the nines, there were no glances around the lobby. It didn’t appear as though she was waiting for anyone in particular. I assumed she was merely bored when she cast her haunting eyes in my direction.

So when she waved a little wave at me, I was okay with that too.

And a few minutes later, when she directed the following gesture not only in my direction, but right at me

tumblr_mvenqoJNS31qkci30o1_400Remember, I don’t make this stuff up.

Well, I lost it.

Seriously, I almost fell out of my office chair when overwhelmed by a wave of laughter and shock. I dropped my head so fast I lost even more hair (which I cannot afford to lose) and gave myself wind burn. I stayed down there for a moment while I regained my composure.

When I emerged like a wary gopher it was to an empty lobby. My new friend was disappearing around the corner in a flash of lewd beauty. She looked back briefly and gave me a devilish grin that became a giggle.

And then she was gone.

And I began to write, in-between fits of hilarious, insane laughter, that is.

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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35 Responses to I Lost it.

  1. Hahahahaha! So the devil really does wear Prada.

  2. Tara says:

    Possibly she knows who the Hook really is, and sought specifically to rattle you – not just for the thrill of rattling the unrattle-able (is that even a word?) but for an honorable mention in your blog?

  3. davidprosser says:

    Is there a good market in invisible carrots there then? Is there a chance your young admire was ‘On the game’; whatever the game is? Have you stopped laughing yet and bought some Regaine?
    Hugs

  4. Always something crazy happening in your world! I just gotta know…did she ever surface again? No luggage? No pass-through the lobby on the way to the gym? She sounds mysterious indeed! Loved that creepy picture of the deserted desk — feels like you could build a wicked flash fiction piece off of this. Hmmmm…..

  5. Great story.. it’s not just you Robert! Beautiful women have a tendency to be able to rattle the most jaded men. (not that you are THAT jaded) but it was a good respite, eh? And I’m sure you needed that giggle! 😉
    If I ever come to Niagara Falls again, I know where I am staying!! LOL!

  6. “…emerged like a wary gopher it was to an empty lobby” What a hilarious line – perfect description of scene and your disbelief.
    Or has King’s “The Shining” hit your hotel out of season?

  7. I can’t deal with Nebraska winter weather, so I’m pretty certain that the only thing that would send me further north and off to the east would be a zombie apocalypse in the southern west-to-east portion of the U.S….The zombies would have a harder time finding people to eat if they head up through the middle on their way north…the further one drives away from a mall, the more 4-way intersections without any street signs you’ll come across out in the Omaha/Elkhorn suburbs. That empty lobby would be the sort of place you’d want to skip in case of zombies, they’ll definitely be hiding out waiting for the living to show up and ring the dinner bell.

    Hot chick, behaves in an unexpected manner, that’s just regular hot chick operational procedure. The lady sounds like she had a decent sense of comedic timing. And still young enough to indulge in such hi-jinks before the world takes its toll in the form of jading.

    How do you and the missus handle having to leave the comforts of a warm house to go about your days, Hook? Last major snow I experienced was when we had to dig out an exit from the 2nd floor up in Mammoth. With snow, it seems like less is more…just thank whatever deity or preferred life-affirming concept that you don’t have to deal with SoCal drivers who lose their sh!t when it sprinkles – I guess not everyone learned to drive from a dad with some seriously awesome but twisted approaches to driving instruction. The Mr. has learned that sometimes he should just keep his eyes shut in the passenger seat.

    • The Hook says:

      I hate snow!
      And I’m not a fan of hockey, beer or ice fishing either.
      (And yes, I’m actually Canadian.)

      • msexceptiontotherule says:

        If you hate snow then how do you manage those Canadian winters?! Is it several months of slogging through frozen hell grumbling and hoping the Spring thaw comes early?

  8. kunstkitchen says:

    Hahaha. Reminds me about the something like that happened to me. Many years ago, I was riding my bicycle around the lakes in Minneapolis. I saw a fire truck with some fireman just enjoying the nice weather standing across the street. Suddenly this very tall, dark and handsome fireman was gently waving at me with a shy grin on his face. He startled me so much as I looked over at him, that the front wheel went out of my control and my bike almost went over. Embarrassment ensued! I got myself together and went on my merry way. Always wondering after that…what if?

  9. Awesome! We’ve been trying to explain to our 13 year old son that women really have super powers, kinda like The Scarlet Witch’s. He doesn’t believe us. He will.
    Also, my husband went to Florida for a convention and came back to tell me proudly that he’d been hit on by a waitress while there. He also came back standing a bit taller.
    Let me tell you, there’s nothing sexier than confidence.

  10. Oops! It seems I totally missed the gesture she did! HAHAHAHAHA!! That’s hilarious! And oh so cheeky!

  11. WOW you have some interesting guests

  12. susielindau says:

    That’s a new one for me. Ha!

  13. Doug in Oakland says:

    I had a girl who was standing by the side of the road make that gesture at me as I was driving past in a delivery truck. I kept right on driving, thank you very much…

  14. Tell us what it means, master.

  15. Paul says:

    Ha! That’s a great story Hook. You’ve still got it buddy – I knew all along. We need to go drinking some night so you can reel ’em in and i can dazzle ’em with my charm.. That would be the Bell Desk behind you and the femme fatale:

  16. jlheuer says:

    I watch too much Grimm, Supernatural and Sleepy Hollow. I think if you went with her you’ld never been seen again or maybe we would see you in parts and pieces scattered about the halls of your hotel. I think like Stephen King.

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