Fair Warning: This post is not safe for work! Then again, what else is new? But seriously, today’s life-affirming message contains a pic that is actually integral to the storytelling process. Trust me, it wouldn’t be here otherwise.
My composure, that is.
My mind was lost long ago, friends. Truth be told, I never recovered from the whole “New Coke” debacle in the Eighties. Yes, I was a fragile teen. But things have changed.
Despite everything you’ve read over the last few years, I consider myself a pretty well-put-together guy. I mean, after twenty-one years of marriage, seventeen years of fatherhood, and nineteen years of hospitality service, it takes a lot to rattle me.
And so when I was sitting alone at my desk in a near-deserted lobby at around eight o’clock on a Tuesday night in the dead of a Canadian winter, and I happened to notice a fetching young woman staring at me, I was fine with it. Granted, it rarely happens… okay, so it never happens… but I was fine with it nonetheless.
This isn’t my hotel, but it conveys my point perfectly.
She was a striking ginger lass of average height and above-average looks and yet, for some inexplicable reason, she was alone. Despite being dressed to the nines, there were no glances around the lobby. It didn’t appear as though she was waiting for anyone in particular. I assumed she was merely bored when she cast her haunting eyes in my direction.
So when she waved a little wave at me, I was okay with that too.
And a few minutes later, when she directed the following gesture not only in my direction, but right at me…
Well, I lost it.
Seriously, I almost fell out of my office chair when overwhelmed by a wave of laughter and shock. I dropped my head so fast I lost even more hair (which I cannot afford to lose) and gave myself wind burn. I stayed down there for a moment while I regained my composure.
When I emerged like a wary gopher it was to an empty lobby. My new friend was disappearing around the corner in a flash of lewd beauty. She looked back briefly and gave me a devilish grin that became a giggle.
And then she was gone.
And I began to write, in-between fits of hilarious, insane laughter, that is.
See you in the lobby, kids…