What I Love About March Break.

March Break means something different when you’re under fire in the Niagara Falls hospitality trenches.

To some it’s…


To others it’s…

CdTCb2lW4AEGhbZBut to me, it’s all about the things that some would count as negatives. To your buddy, The Hook, these so-called “negatives” are blog fodder – so they’re actually epic positives. Let’s begin recounting them, shall we?

 1)  The sheer volume of travelers ensures my chances of clocking out with epic blog fodder increases with every guest.

2)  Oblivious cougars always travel during March Break and say, “Hey! What’s with all the rug rats around here?”

3)  There’s always tons of candy to be had during March Break. Candy rules.

giphyHypnotic, isn’t it?


4)  I encounter guests like this:

RIHANNA WANNEBE:  I took a high room so I could see pretty things!

ME:  Okay, then!

Knowledge is power, kids.

We got to the room. She raced to the window, ripped open the blinds… and came fact-to-wall with her view.

RW:  (Laughing – mostly.)  You cracker-ass cracker!  You knew about this, didn’t you? That’s why you were smiling!

ME:  I’m a devil…


5)  The kitchen always makes waaaay more bacon than they require during March Break. Bacon rules.

6)  There’s always some clueless parent who thinks they can get away with sneaking a hooker into the room while their family is out for the day. They may be despicable human beings, but clueless parents are the “greatest”.

7)  Putting thousands of tech-addicted mammals in the hotel simultaneously guarantees the building’s Wi-Fi is going to crash sooner or later. I love chaos.


8)  Line-ups for the pool are worth the price of admission, as it were. Sooner or later, someone always goes off and the indoor fireworks begin.

9)  Fourteen hours in the pool will make any kid look like a hyper-caffeinated lobster – and there’s always one kid (at least) who spends fourteen hours in the pool. That’s exceptional parenting for you.

10)  Exceptional parenting is also on display when parents leave their babies in the lobby – to be supervised by their toddlers. (This very scene is unfolding before my eyes as I scribble these words down.)

break11)  Some schmuck always rams his car into another schmuck’s mini-van on the Valet Deck. Neither one of them are paying attention and so I feel zero sympathy for them both.

12)  The “laundry basket suitcase” is destined to make more than one appearance during March Break. It never fails to make me smile while rolling my eyes. Which, by the way, is no mean feat.

13)  You can count on some lazy, obese goofball to run the scooter he doesn’t really need into:

  •  A wall.
  •  A pack of kids.
  •  A glass door.
  •  All of the above.

14)  That general feeling of madness that soaks into every nook and cranny of the hotel. You can literally feel it in the cafeteria, the service elevators, the smoke pit, the empty rooms staff members hook up in… uh, never mind that last part… The point is, you can feel the tension in the air, like a summer night right before a thunderstorm hits the earth with godlike fury. I love that feeling. It makes me feel alive.


15)  This…

cash-money-animated-gif-16Enough said?


16)  Culture clash. You haven’t lived until you’ve witnessed a throwdown between an Indonesian tour guide and a mom from Boston. It starts out as a simple misunderstanding – and it becomes a battle royale in a nanosecond. As long as no one gets hurt, it’s the best.

17)  People that try to sneak animals into the hotel. Never mind that we’re actually pro-pet, there will always be guests who don’t pay attention when booking a room and so they feel compelled to sneak Whiskers the Tabby past “hotel security” – by shoving her under a blanket in their baby’s stroller. Good times.

18)  Randy morons who decide to start having “sexual congress” right before I arrive at their door with the luggage. There’s nothing I like more than being greeted by a sweaty, half-dressed traveler who is very clearly in the mood for love.


19)  The kids. The well-behaved ones, of course. Seeing the youthful gleam in their eyes ( I barely recall what that look felt like) makes me smile every time. Kids rock.

20)  The kids.  The not-so-well-behaved ones, I mean. Kids should be kids! If they run around like maniacs on speed, so be it! We grow up far too fast , people, I can tolerate a bit of tomfoolery. After all, it’s not my hotel…

And that’s it, folks. As of this writing, March Break has barely begun, so I may have more to say in the future. We’ll see, won’t we?

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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27 Responses to What I Love About March Break.

  1. Paul says:

    Ha! Good Times Hook. Funny look at the rabble that moves in on March break.

  2. taraverses says:

    I’m relieved to know I don’t fit into any of these categories. But I am feeling vaguely anxious about my luggage… I will need to upgrade before my next travel. The person who sneaks a hooker into their hotel room while the family is out? For REAL? OMG.

  3. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    Your final two points made me grin. Indeed, indeed!

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Numbers 7 and 12 made me laugh. Please keep us updated with any new March Break hijinx!

  5. HemmingPlay says:

    In my Big Lebowski voice…. “Duuuuuude. Awesome.”

  6. We have the pleasure of being closed this winter! 😀

  7. Doug in Oakland says:

    “A cougar is an animal that eats you whole and poops you out on a rock…”
    – Neko Case “These Aren’t the Droids”

  8. Allie P. says:

    Sorry – I got distracted by the rotating gif of candy. What were you saying?

  9. Your take on March break is terrific. God bless those kids.

  10. The Cutter says:

    More and more I want to bring my family to your hotel. You’d probably get a weeks worth of material out of us

  11. I had to stay in a hotel for all of last week, asbestos ceiling stuff removal and painting house (the inside part, obvs.) why don’t they make it industry-wide mandatory to have bell persons?!

    Navigating from lobby to room with a dog who is thoroughly freaked by the random people/not-her-house smells/the experience of riding in elevators is hard to do with luggage and no assistance.

    Here in SoCal most hotels are corporate chains, if they take pets most want you to give your first born or a kidney as the deposit, and should you decide (because you were told that your house would be ready on a certain date so you checked out of your previous nice hotel which serves a real breakfast only to discover that house is still being painted and that nice hotel is booked full…) that you will book with the cheap option last minute for one night, be prepared to sign a form agreeing to not leave the room or have guests past 10pm until 5am for law enforcement.

    FML. On the plus side, nobody came home with fleas and my house is painted. On the not so plus side I still have to set things up to replace the floors and carpet.

  12. shimoniac says:

    Hook, I keep waiting for you to go all “The Shining”, and yelling `Heeere’s Johnny’.

  13. curvyroads says:

    Ugh, although I am glad you find spring break amusing and all blog-foddery, it makes me want to stay home! 🙂

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