Fair warning: This is a rapid-fire review, kids. And the unicorn reference makes sense within the context of the movie, so relax.
I know what you’re thinking, “Only twelve reasons, Hook? There are literally millions of reasons why the Deadpool movie rocks! Did you run your luggage cart into a wall while checking out a hot old lady that resembled Bea Arthur? AGAIN?”
I may have indeed done that… but it’s beside the point.
Go see the movie, you cheap asshats (only the people who are thinking I’m crazy are asshats, not the rest of you… I love you) and once you see Deadpool,you’ll see why the number twelve is so relevant. But let’s get on with the show, shall we?
1) Morena Baccarin. Let’s start with the hot chick. (I’m not being sexist, she’s actually credited as such in the film) Morena is not only RIDICULOUSLY-HOT in this flick, she’s a witty, capable, quick-on-her-feet actress who matches Ryan Reynolds scene-for-scene.
She’s worked for DC Comics on Gotham.
She’s worked for Marvel Comics on Deadpool.
2) It’s made cold hard cash already, baby! Deadpool cost a mere $58 million to make. (That’s peanuts in the movie industry. Most movies spend a million on coke and hookers for the interns alone.) It’s pulled in $132 million in its opening weekend.
3) It features two X-Men. Sure Colossus is CGI – and his accent makes Boris and Natasha sound evolved. And the other X-Man is a moody teenager I’ve never heard of. But Mister Pool acknowledges that. And they’re awesome nonetheless.
4) The opening song is “Angel of the Morning” by Juice Newton. Yes, that’s so uncool… it’s mega-cool.
5) The violence is plentiful – bloody beyond belief. You’ll love every minute. If you don’t? If you hate violence? If you feel unclean afterwards? Well, you can say a few Hail Marys at confession next week and you’ll be fine. And besides, if you hate violence, you have to ask yourself, “Why the fuck am I seeing Deadpool anyway?”
6) Deadpool will make you forget Green Lantern. Not only are there two nods to this ill-fated superhero film, if you watch the opening “credits” you’ll see Reynolds as Green Lantern! Yep. I actually enjoyed Green Lantern, but this film will make every Lantern hater a happy nerd.
7) T.J. Miller is hilarious! He may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but Weasel is a gut-busting best friend/kinda-sidekick.
8) This is not X-Men Origins: Wolverine’s Deadpool. This is a fully-developed film that fleshes out the character’s origin, motivation and universe.
9) It does it in a wholly-original way. Fox Studios is still reeling from the spectacular failure of Fantastic Four, and so I’m sure they were apprehensive about this film’s prospects. But Deadpool holds the key to a successful FF film: Make the thing a hard “R” – bit with a solid story structure – and it’ll make cash. We’re talking hard-as-the-Thing-hard.
10) There’s a British baddie! Yeah, it’s not exactly original, but Ed Skrein chews up the screen as a reserved, but super-intelligent villain Ajax. He’s one bad-ass Brit.
11) The self-deprecating tone is riotous. Deadpool doesn’t take it self seriously – to say the least. In fact, I don’t remember ever laughing so hard at a “non-superhero” film. (It makes sense in the context of.. well, you get it by now, right?) This film is a laugh riot. Enjoy.
12) Ryan Reynolds is THE MAN! I cannot say this enough.. Reynolds is as funny as he is talented. He championed this film when no one else would. He campaigned hard for Wade Wilson to be brought to life.
And thank God he did.
Lie to the spouse about where you’re going. Take out a loan for movie snacks. Do whatever you have to do, but go see this movie!
See you in the lobby, kids…