My Fifteen Minutes of “Fame” – Literally.

I recently had an opportunity to step out of my comfort zone as the world’s most smartass bellman and try something truly challenging.

I became the world’s most smartass thespian. 

To properly trace my path to cinematic immortality we have to go back two summers ago, June specifically, when in a moment of incredible dumbassery, I fractured my knee and spent the summer on my porch in a knee brace rather than serving hordes of travelers. My replacement at the hotel was a young man named Timothy Moran.

I’m the first to admit that I was a little resentful of Tim for taking my place (even though it clearly a result of my own idiocy), but we soon became fast friends.

He’s a joker beyond measure. A poet. A philosopher. And a cinephile/director whose talent and knowledge are off the charts.

And no, we won’t get a room. My praise comes from an honest place; it’s not often I meet people who truly earn my respect and Tim occupies a top spot on that very short list.

But enough of this mushy shite. As the golden oldies say, let’s get down to brass tack, shall we? Tim’s journey to directorial glory has taken him from Niagara Falls to New Zealand and back again; he spent a year waiting to work on Guillermo del Toro‘s version of The Hobbit, only to see that project vanish in a wave of movie politics. Now he’s mining that experience and applying it to a film project of his own design.

The specific details of Tim’s film, Talk Show Host, are shrouded in mystery (I’m not keen on having my head bashed by a box of luggage tags), but I’ll tell you this much: Tim has a knack for theater of the absurd. He’s set his “hero” upon an epic journey across the so-called-real-world, which as anyone who has ever read my blog knows, is filled with characters that are far stranger than any ever conceived in fiction.

But back to me! I missed the first big day of production on Talk Show Host due to the call of duty (stop snickering), a missed opportunity that left my daughter particularly disappointed.

“Aw, I wanted to see you as a giant, geeky lobster, Skippy!”

Yes, a giant lobster. Don’t ask.

Fortunately, I got my shot a few months later when the casting call I had been waiting for arrived in the form of a virtual message. (That’s how the kids do it these days, apparently.)

“Hey buddy! How’s life these days? Just wondering… we are in need of a tall, good looking, glasses-wearing, sarcastic actor and I thought you may know of someone who would fit the role perfectly… any ideas? ;)”

Clearly, it’s the role I was born to play. That, and Headless Corpse #1.

And so I headed to the home of Tim’s Producer a few weeks ago with a song in my heart and an egg-shaped head full of dreams. Coincidentally, the Producer on this film is another fellow bellman named Steve G; he’s the only guy I know with a mustache almost as cool as Ned Hickson’s.

For all my bravado, I’m actually quite shy outside of my workplace ecosystem, so Tim’s directorial instincts kicked in and he quickly loosened me up with an old movie trick… copious amounts of booze. Just kidding. I’d hate to see myself under the effects of alcohol – Lord knows I’m snarky enough while sober…

At any rate, Tim’s direction proved extraordinary as he got what he wanted from me in minutes. (Admittedly, I’ve always been easy. Sadly, no one’s ever taken advantage of that fact.)

My lines were brief. (Tim knows a little Hook goes a long way.)

My lines were tailor-made for my unique acting “skills”. (By “skills”, I mean my inherent sarcasm.)

My lines were hilarious. (Tim gets the credit for that. I considered ad-libbing, but the lines didn’t come to me until the car ride home.)

And that’s it. However, I’ll leave you with one final tidbit: a still of my moment of glory. In my defense, I was much more animated on film then I appear in this pic. Of course, a dead squirrel would appear more animated than I appear in this pic, but that’s beside the point.

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See you in the lobby, kids…

And who knows? Maybe the multiplex someday?

 

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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27 Responses to My Fifteen Minutes of “Fame” – Literally.

  1. renxkyoko says:

    Is that really you, Mr. Hook ?

  2. So Skippy is that thespian with a “TH” or an “L” with a slight lisp? I bet you stole the show with that deadpan look. I also bet it was fun.

  3. susielindau says:

    Fantastic! So where’s the video? Clicking on the photo doesn’t work…

  4. ROBERT!! An actual photograph of the Hook??? YAH! Now I can sees whatcha look like! It’s only fair since you know what I look like!! I bet you rocked on screen!
    Thanks for sharing the photo and experience. I pray you have an awesome New Year my friend!! 🙂

  5. C.E.Robinson says:

    Robert, good for you! This may be the start of something big! Bellman to Movieman! Ya never know! Congratulations! Happy Bew Year! 🎉 Chryssa

  6. Well, you know I’ve always had faith in your stardom… just a matter a little time is all… Great shot too. It’s great to see you!

  7. I can imagine you were great. After all when it comes to laying it down when it counts you don’t disappoint.

  8. Woooo hoooo!! Lookit you go! So cool! Headless Corpse #1 (and the Lobster too) woulda also been fun, but baby steps I guess, right? Those will be in the sequel?

  9. curvyroads says:

    Nice to see you, Robert! And please let us know when the video appears, in whatever form it takes. Can’t wait to see your sarcasm performed live! 😉

    • The Hook says:

      I’ll let you know, but we may never see it.
      Tim is using this piece as a proof of concept to literally prove to movie folk what he’s capable of. I’ll let you know, tho.

  10. Like Susie, I clicked and clicked on the photo, hoping for video. Dang. You are a good salesman though.

  11. The Cutter says:

    Interesting. Whenever I picture how you look, I always picture a giant lobster.

  12. But a dead squirrel doesn’t have dry wit…dried acorns, maybe but witless….

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