This Is It, Folks…

The Biggest Day of all Big Days is here.

But I’m not.

I mean, I’m here – on Earth, but not on the blogosphere. Well, I’m here in a way (thanks to WordPress’ scheduling feature), but I’m not actually here. Okay, this getting painful now. Please allow me to explain.

As you’re reading this – all ten of you – I’m engaged in a new Hookey Family Christmas Tradition: “Let’s Be Jews For a Day!”

Yes, I realize you must have some questions right now. For example…

“You realize being Jewish is a big responsibility, right, Hook?”

“You don’t have hair, Hook… how are you going to pull off those dangly, curly locks?”

“Are you sure you can pull off the all black look?”

“Was it your intention to anger every Jew in the blogosphere with this post, Hook?”

“Will they ever come up with a cure for the Kardashians?”

Those are all good queries – but I refuse to answer any of them. Instead, here is “Let’s Be Jews For A Day!” in a nutshell.

  • We lost my father-in-law.
  • The resulting void has threatened to swallow us whole.
  • Yours truly (otherwise known as “Skippy” in our family) was forced to enact a plan to save Christmas.
  • “Let’s Be Jews For A Day!” was born.

So, on Christmas Day, the Hookey clan will be enjoying the sort of holiday made famous by individuals who don’t subscribe to the conventional Christmas set-up. We’ll be lunching at the Mandarin Chinese buffet followed by a moving picture show in a darkened theater. 

Nothing screams “Christmas!” like hundreds of people jamming themselves into a buffet restaurant like human cattle – to gorge themselves past the point of sanity on Chinese food that as been “dumbed down” for the masses. Am I right or what?

As for the movies, we’ll be seeing the Point Break reboot. Yes, it may be a tad unconventional for the holidays, but my daughter is the family cinephile and she’s intrigued by this new take on the heist/extreme-sports mash-up.

All right, kids, I’m going to leave you a little (cheap) Christmas gift: Another exchange between my soulmate and myself.

JACKIE, THE WIFE:  So who’s writing this blog… Robert Hookey or “The Hook”?

ME:  It’s a “post” and here we go…

JACKIE:  Fine, it’s a”post”… I just don’t get the whole “Call me The Hook. Everyone else does.”, thing.  It’s stupid, ridiculous and utterly dumbass.

ME:  Think about it, you can travel all over the world and be served by a “Robert”, or a “Stuart” or a “Sean”… but you won’t find a hotel where you’ll be served by a “Hook”.  But I take it you still don’t approve?

JACKIE:  You’re not funny.

ME:  The eight people that bought my book disagree. And by the way, everyone I work with loves “The Hook”, including guests. It’s more than an abbreviation of my name, it speaks to who I am as a person, a bellman, a living being on this Earthly plane of existence.

JACKIE:  (Sighing. I tend to inspire a lot of that.) “A living being on this Earthly plane of existence?”  You’re so weird.

ME:  But you love the weirdness that is me?

Silence. Burt there was an eye roll. Does that count?

JACKIE:  Well, you’ll always be “dumbass” to me.

 My wife, ladies and gentlemen.

And now, I must leave you – even though I’m not actually here… never mind. I want to thank all of you for being my fans, followers, sounding boards, friends, and the best damn people I’ve never actually met.

I’d love to thank you all individually but that could take years and cost thousands of lives. (Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing, folks.) So here we go:

To everyone who has ever read my blog, followed it, “liked” it, commented, or even followed me on Twitter or supported me in any way… I am eternally grateful. I was a lonely kid (hard to believe, I know), and so I never could have imagined I’d grow up to have such a wonderful family and such fantastic, steadfast friends.

But I do.

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone. You deserve it.

See you in the lobby, you animals…

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About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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24 Responses to This Is It, Folks…

  1. The Cutter says:

    Merry Christmas, Robert, Hook, or whoever you feel like being today

  2. paul says:

    Merry Christmas!

  3. Merry Christmas The Hook Family!

  4. Austin says:

    Merry Christmas!

  5. Merry Jewishness and I hope you enjoyed the Bris.

  6. List of X says:

    I would say that Jewish way is more appropriate way to actually “celebrate”: at least you don’t spend a whole day preparing the food, and the weeks before obsessed with presents.

  7. C.E.Robinson says:

    Merry Christmas 🎄 Robert & family! Enjoy your non-Christmas day! Chinese food & a movie sounds good to me! Chryssa

  8. Merry Christmas to you
    & your family! Sounds like a marvelous way to spend Christmas!

  9. One day yes, I will see you in the lobby, sadly though I will have to win the lotto to stay in a 4 star hotel. Thus it will only be the lobby for me and hubby, he follows me wherever I go.

  10. I hope you had a great day being a “Jew” lol! We bought a handful of gifts, drove 2 hours to a get together with family, open said “gifts” with a stupid cute gift giving game my niece downloaded off the Internet. We also ate really well then drove the 2 hours home. and took a nap. Which was difficult for the menfolk of the family this year since there was not ONE single football game on TV! But they managed. *I-)
    That is the extent of our Christmas DAY. I do not decorate my house AT ALL! Not one thing adorns my home that says anything about it. Not even a wreath on the door. I haven’t exactly boycotted Christmas, just the decorating part.:-P
    I had several friends lose parents this year. Two of them lost both within a few months of each other, so it has been a rough year for those I love and care about. I’m sorry you were one of them 😦
    I do not blame you one bit for the Chinese food or the movie…how was it btw? We are going to see Star Wars this evening. The hoopla has died down in my small town so there will not be a long line tonight! YAH! 😀
    Here’s to a New Year Robert “Hook”ey my friend!! *raises glass of wine in toast* 😉

  11. curvyroads says:

    I say “whatever works for you” and hope you enjoyed your day of being a Jew. 😀

  12. Kally says:

    I enjoyed this article very much. I’m glad I stumbled upon your blog while searching for new reading materials. Keep on doing what you are doing!

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