Short ‘n sweet today, kids. But pay close attention, okay?
Give a hooker your ATM card and pin number so she can withdraw her fee from the lobby bank machine while you call your wife.
Tell a bellman, “I don’t believe in tipping.”, before he brings your luggage to the room.
Book a single room for the entire family and expect to get away with playing “Vicar baptizes the filthy, dirty schoolgirl” in the shower while the kids watch television.
Attempt to conceal the death of a beloved family pet who expires mid-trip by storing the body in a beer cooler.
Name said pet something extremely ironic – like “Lucky”.
Pack your luggage, but forget to leave your baggage at home.
Forget to have fun.
NOTE: Somewhere along the way millions of you made a conscious decision to travel around the world while carrying more rage and confusion than Khloe Kardashian on Father’s Day.
See you in the lobby, kids…