Things You Should Never Do While Traveling.

Short ‘n sweet today, kids. But pay close attention, okay?

Give a hooker your ATM card and pin number so she can withdraw her fee from the lobby bank machine while you call your wife.

Tell a bellman, “I don’t believe in tipping.”, before he brings your luggage to the room.

Book a single room for the entire family and expect to get away with playing “Vicar baptizes the filthy, dirty schoolgirl” in the shower while the kids watch television.

Attempt to conceal the death of a beloved family pet who expires mid-trip by storing the body in a beer cooler.

Name said pet something extremely ironic – like “Lucky”.

Be mean.

Pack your luggage, but forget to leave your baggage at home.

Forget to have fun.

NOTE: Somewhere along the way millions of you made a conscious decision to travel around the world while carrying more rage and confusion than Khloe Kardashian on Father’s Day.

STOP IT.

NOW.

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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18 Responses to Things You Should Never Do While Traveling.

  1. This made me chuckle.

  2. NancyTex says:

    Sage advice, Hook. Sage advice, indeed.

  3. The Cutter says:

    If you can’t trust a hooker with your personal info, who can you trust?

  4. Loved the hooker advice.

  5. I once forgot my toothbrush at home.

  6. OneDizzyBee says:

    There’s never a time that I come here and don’t leave feeling a little cheerier than I did when I arrived. Thanks for that!

  7. Alrighty then… are we venting a bit today Mr. Hookey?? Sounds like you are venting…
    Did someone forget to follow The Hook’s tips on travel? I’m right there with ya. Leave your baggage at home because the rest of the people around you don’t wanna hear your crap! Just sayin… :-/

  8. In the cooler? (I’d laugh, only you probably actually have seen that…)
    Only thing worse? Having a kid’s special blanket not make it back to the car. NEVER take the special blanket on vacation. NEVER.

  9. curvyroads says:

    Your posts are truly a gift to the traveling public…it’s a wonder some of them survive daily existence.

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