A Conversation With My Daughter. (Sort of.)

I rarely discuss my offspring on social media, for several good reasons.

 1)  Any father worth his salt knows better than to violate his teenage daughter’s privacy – unless he wants to unleash a firestorm of screaming/ranting/destruction of household property.

2)  My wife, ever the fiercely-protective mother, has a helluva right hook.

But the following events are by no means exclusive to my humble home. In fact, many of you will recognize a typical morning in the Hookey household as a typical morning in your own.

7 AM:  I wake from a from-blissful-slumber (the dog has developed the far-from-cute habit of “requesting” to be put out in the middle of the night), to begin the arduous/hazardous task of getting my child out of a coma brought on by late nights of writing, homework and NCIS binge-watching. 

992881_10201365023748671_776234021_nThe face of evil?


7:02:  I carefully open my daughter’s door and inform her the time has come for her to join the waking world. Her reaction?


Yes, it’s a bit underwhelming, isn’t it? Her groan is so low, it takes months of training to even register it within human parameters. She then pulls the sheets over her head and returns to the Dreamscape. I return to my room.

VAMPIRELOVER:  Did you wake the kid?

ME:  I certainly tried.

7:10:  My second attempt.

“Uh… Skippy! Leave me alone!”

An octave higher but no closer to success, I’m afraid.

7:30:  The wife, dog and I are downstairs preparing ourselves for the day ahead. Well, the wife and I are; the dog can usually be found licking herself, eating or humping a stuffed animal, all of which give her great satisfaction.

7:33:  My daughter finally appears… looking as though she lost a fight with God.

ME:  Morning, kiddo! Want some breakfast?


ME:  That’s a “no”, I’m assuming?


ME:  So you’re good?


At this point, my wife intercedes and pulls me out of there before all Hell breaks loose.

It should be noted that my daughter is an above-average student, an animal lover, a wonderful human being and the best damn kid I could ever ask for.

But in the end, she’s only human… and definitely not a morning person.

See you in the lobby, kids…


About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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23 Responses to A Conversation With My Daughter. (Sort of.)

  1. I’m not a morning puppy… and neither is my Yorkie! LOL! When hubby (the morning person in our household) attempts to wake us up, he gets the exact same reaction!! ha ha ha ha!!! 😉

  2. Uh! My two dogs have suddenly decided that going out at 3 a.m. is urgent, so they can take care of (Loudly) any horrible beasts that might be lying in wait in the backyard to kill us while we sleep. We are seriously considering moving their posh beds out of our bedroom.

  3. Uh! Are we supposed to outgrow that? I think my parents may have left something out… 😉

  4. The Cutter says:

    I’ll be dealing with this very soon I fear

  5. Middle of the night doggy calls are the worst, thankfully, my husband is wonderful for getting up in the middle of the night. As for your teenager, she will eventually figure out that mornings aren’t all that bad. Good for her for being awesome and having great grades.

  6. You are so right. Happens in every house.

  7. I hate to tell you this, Hook. But I was never a layabed teen. Up and about, breakfast, school. Or on a Saturday, do the family shopping. Without a list. I remembered

  8. I love this because it reminds me when I was still living at home and Dad and I both used to get up super early for work. My response was pretty much “ugh” to anything he’d try and say too.

  9. Mornings suck! The worst part is getting my kiddos up and ready for school. If I could hire a nanny just for mornings, I would! :-).

    I found your blog on The Bloggess’ site. I am a new blogger and looking for feedback from successful blogger’s if you have time to visit. My newest post is Ode to The Bloggess. What are your favorite blogs? I’ll be back for more and I’ll sign up for your email’s.

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