And The “Hits” Keep On Comin…

It is a freakishly-warm November day in Niagara Falls as I write this and yet, my mind is preoccupied with… doing nothing?

Bear with me, friends.

You see, once this warm spell passes – and it will – Old Man Winter will fire the first salvo of his seemingly-relentless onslaught upon the Great White North and I’ll be faced with a bellman’s greatest enemy: downtime. Sure, you may think a cheap guest would be my greatest nemesis, but the truth is, for every cheap guest there are several generous ones – if the hotel is busy enough and the law of averages is in my favor.

And as you know, it rarely is.

And so I’ll soon be faced with more downtime than I can handle. How do I burn through that time, you ask?

I read. A lot.

I wander the halls, assisting the housekeeping staff where I can.

And I surf the web. More than any human being should be allowed to without burning his retinas – and brain box – out.

But the upside is, my surfing often yields hilarious results. I happened upon the account of a certain adult film star who shall remain nameless. (Stop giggling, these things happen.) At any rate, here’s how a snippet of how the young lady in question describes herself:

Legend, Realtor, Feature Dancer, Multiple award winner, stars in 1000+,

I don’t know about you, but one word caught my attention – and inspired the following rant.

Can you imagine arriving at a home for sale and realizing you’ve not only seen your Realtor naked, but engaged in sex acts that would make a hooker blush? It makes one wonder how she closes deals…

Here’s a conversation I can imagine has unfolded more than once:

JIM:  Hey, Phil, how’s it going?

PHIL:  Great, Jim! I’ve bought eight houses this week! I’m totally bankrupt… but I’m having the time of my life!

Yes, this is how my mind “works”.

See you in the lobby, kids…


About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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11 Responses to And The “Hits” Keep On Comin…

  1. Would be hard to concentrate on saying no.

  2. *snort* you have a warped mind Robert! Oh wait! We knew that already… LMAO! 😛

  3. List of X says:

    I think that’s just the listing of the roles of that actress.

  4. The Cutter says:

    Hey, porn stars are just regular folks like us. They take their pants off one leg at a time…well, sometimes

  5. Your job is a lot like sailing…long stretches of drive you batty calm interrupted by wild terror and insanity.
    So that’s why so many women become realtors. Relationship selling, right?

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