It is a freakishly-warm November day in Niagara Falls as I write this and yet, my mind is preoccupied with… doing nothing?
Bear with me, friends.
You see, once this warm spell passes – and it will – Old Man Winter will fire the first salvo of his seemingly-relentless onslaught upon the Great White North and I’ll be faced with a bellman’s greatest enemy: downtime. Sure, you may think a cheap guest would be my greatest nemesis, but the truth is, for every cheap guest there are several generous ones – if the hotel is busy enough and the law of averages is in my favor.
And as you know, it rarely is.
And so I’ll soon be faced with more downtime than I can handle. How do I burn through that time, you ask?
I read. A lot.
I wander the halls, assisting the housekeeping staff where I can.
And I surf the web. More than any human being should be allowed to without burning his retinas – and brain box – out.
But the upside is, my surfing often yields hilarious results. I happened upon the account of a certain adult film star who shall remain nameless. (Stop giggling, these things happen.) At any rate, here’s how a snippet of how the young lady in question describes herself:
Legend, Realtor, Feature Dancer, Multiple award winner, stars in 1000+,
I don’t know about you, but one word caught my attention – and inspired the following rant.
Can you imagine arriving at a home for sale and realizing you’ve not only seen your Realtor naked, but engaged in sex acts that would make a hooker blush? It makes one wonder how she closes deals…
Here’s a conversation I can imagine has unfolded more than once:
JIM: Hey, Phil, how’s it going?
PHIL: Great, Jim! I’ve bought eight houses this week! I’m totally bankrupt… but I’m having the time of my life!
Yes, this is how my mind “works”.
See you in the lobby, kids…