The Hook: Diplomat Extraordinaire.

FYI:  This post contains language anyone with half a brain will find offensive. I certainly did.

Admittedly, it’s been a while since I’ve shared a juicy tale from the hospitality trenches so I figure you’re due.

You poor, poor bastards.

At any rate, the summer of 2015 has arrived with all the subtly of  Kanye West at an awards show – and I wouldn’t have it any other way. After being sidelined for seven weeks last year, I spent the entirety of Jack Frost’s reign over Niagara Falls envisioning the hazy, far-from-lazy days of summer. And now that they’ve finally arrived? I’m as happy as Donald Trump while standing in front of a reflective surface.

And that’s pretty happy.

Let’s begin with a profile of a guest I had the extreme “pleasure” of serving this morning.

GUEST BIO:  Sonny D. Redneck (The “D” stands for “Dang, son!”) Some of Sonny’s characteristics include:

  • More teeth than his cousin, Jasper.
  • A home with many zip codes. (It all depends where it’s parked that week.)
  • Hair as red as his neck.
  • A collection of NASCAR t-shirts that would make the Honey Boo Boo clan jealous.
  • A less-than-evolved worldview.

 Sonny was a helluva conversationalist (I ain’t never stayed in a hotel that I couldn’t drive my RV up to before!”), and the last of the big tippers. Luckily, I’m more than accustomed to dealing with the Sonnys of the world, and so I took his colorful comments with a grain of salt…

 “Lookit all the Nine Irons! It’s like a Jackie Chan movie up in here!”

“I can’t trust a woman in a veil. Bet she’s hidin’ somethin’…”

“How do you work here, boy? There are too  many niggers and sand-niggers around.”‘

… and I moved on. My movement brought me into alignment with a sizable family from the Middle East. They were traveling with enough food to feed Bangladesh, but they were jovial, realistic (“Sorry we brought so much, sir! We refuse to pack light!”), and overall, a joy to serve. As soon as I had dropped them and their two carts of belongings off in a family suite I found my path had taken a bigoted turn.

I ran smack into Sonny as he departed a guest elevator. (Unfortunately, I didn’t literally run into him, but you can’t have everything.)

SONNY:  Hey! It’s my Canadian buddy! I saw you downstairs with those sand niggers! Those people are ignorant aren’t they? Bet you’re glad to be away from them, right?

Needless to say, I felt enough was enough. It’s one thing to adhere to a professional code of conduct, but sometimes one must answer to a personal code.

ME:  Actually, sir… those “sand niggers” tipped me twenty dollars. You gave me a buck. Ignorance is subjective, wouldn’t you say?

Sonny just stood there, paralyzed with shock at my bold, Canadian attitude. My point, having been made – and then some – I hopped into Sonny’s elevator just as it closed and pushed the “close” button as fast as I could. 

I talk a good game, but in a physical confrontation I’m next to useless.

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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21 Responses to The Hook: Diplomat Extraordinaire.

  1. Love that story! You are awesome at making people eat their words. I just hope the statement wasn’t completely lost on him… even though it had to make you feel good!! 😀
    I HATE Prejudiced people! They make my skin crawl. It is truly an ironic twist when someone so stupid calls someone else “ignernt” I want to slap them into next week! Good going Robert! 😉

  2. The Sonny’s of the world are missing out on a lot of life. Too bad they’re too stupid to realize it.

  3. granny1947 says:

    I bet he rushed straight off to ask someone what you meant!!!

  4. Paul says:

    Ha! Well done Hook! I wish I could have been a fly on the wall. 😀

  5. Sonny needs a new education, but then he probably still wouldn’t get it.

  6. Well done! I wouldn’t have kept quiet either, and I’m just a sheep in wolf’s clothing, or .. my bark is bigger than my bite… or … I’m the cat that teases the dog and then runs up the tree. Still, it’s so hard to believe there really are still people like that out there breathing our air.

  7. I hope you’re writing a screen play of all this! 😉 … The sad part of it all – everyone will remember Sonny, Sonny will never know he’s the idiot (ignorance protects the dull-witted), and the good people get lost to the wind. Sad, but true. Loved reading your tale of verbal heroism! 🙂

  8. Doug in Oakland says:

    Dunning and Kruger went back into the lab and wept…

  9. Love you, Robert. We need more Canadian buddies like you.

  10. 1jaded1 says:

    And this is why you are my hero.

  11. charflew23 says:

    How do you stay even relatively sane? YOU ROCK!

  12. Sonny made me cringe…mostly because he could be a Kansas relative of mine. You’re good peeps, Hook. Though…”subjective” probably went over his redneck head.

  13. Oh god, I have had many of an encounter with the ‘Sonny’s’ of this world. Good on you, I think when it comes to this kind of bullshit racism our professionalism can go out the window. People need to be called out on this shit.

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