So it’s Monday.
Let’s allow that to sink in, shall we?
Everyone good? Then we’ll begin.
Yesterday was a particularly brutal check-out rush. Like, Game of Thrones brutal. Okay, so no one was skinned alive or murdered during a wedding , but someone was poisoned. Okay, so the poisoned people self-administered and it was fun to watch them suffer the consequences (except for the guy who vomited on the garbage can rather than inside it), but it got old eventually.
And now I’m knackered. My creative engine is sputtering rather than humming, kids. And I have a eleven-hour shift in the hospitality trenches that I’m just not up for. But I would like to compose a post to entertain the masses. You know what that means, right?
It’s list time!
TEN THINGS I’D RATHER BE DOING RIGHT NOW.
10) Basking in the unique magic of Niagara Falls Comic Con. (Saturday can’t get here fast enough.) Say what you will about nerds, from TV to movies to publishing to advertising to illegal Mexican dwarf fighting, nerds of both genders rule the world these days. And once their moms drop them off, they know how to party.
9) Reading Ned Hickson. Yes, I’m that bored.
8) Sleeping like a Kardashian in a Mensa meeting. Or a Kardashian at a political debate. Or a Kardashian at a grocery store.
6) Watching any reality show featuring vapid, privileged, so-called beautiful, young people . (And I hate those douchebags.) Seriously, I’m sure other D-bags look at those guys and say “Man, those people are real douchebags!”
5) Serving a pack of over-caffeinated, tech-addicted rug rats who climb my luggage cart while screaming “WE WANT TO GO TO DISNEY!” at the top of their lungs, over and over.
Wait a minute, I just served a pack of rug rats who clamored all over my cart while slobbering and screaming like howler monkeys on crack, Never mind.
4) Surfing the web looking for news of Kim Kardashian’s latest RMD (rugrat of mass destruction). Anyone who has ever read this blog (you won’t admit it, but you know who you are), will attest to my “love” of the Kardashian clan, so you know I’m bored out of my mind, friends…
3) Watching The Walking Dead. My package no longer includes AMC, so I’ve been zombieless since last season. And yes, I said “package”. Stop giggling; I meant “cable package”. Grow up.
2) Devising a plan to get William Shatner to unblock me on Twitter. Come on, Bill! I’ve been watching you since you were delivering… lines on… Star… Trek!
1) Honing my body and mind to perfection to prowl the streets as a dark avenger of justice, driven to avenge the murder of my parents… Wait, my parents are still alive.
Though not for mom and dad, I suppose.
And there you have it. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a rumor of free candy in the staff cafeteria and I’m going to have to hurry if I plan on beating the housekeepers to it.
See you in the lobby, kids…