Meet The Greatest Parents Ever.

The tale you are about to read is the unvarnished, chillingly-real truth.

The participants are far too stupid to be anything but non-fictional.

Saturday, May 23, 8:20 am.  The hallway of an unnamed Niagara Falls luxury hotel.

I arrived, cart and cutting attitude at the ready,  at a two-room bell call as I have done literally a million times before. Though, as you’ve no doubt surmised by now, this call was going to be different than any other. This call was going to test both my resolve and a family’s intelligence.

I approached the pair of rooms quickly. (Speed is key in the bellman game, kids. In the bedroom? Not so much, but definitely in the bellman game.) However, my path was blocked by two strollers, one of which was overloaded with plastic bags. Assuming the other was similarly packed, I attempted to move it.

But it was occupied by a slumbering babe.

To clarify, by “babe”, I mean baby, not hot chick. To further clarify, the sleeping child was completely alone; no parents/caregivers/nanny/strangers were present. So there I stood, gobsmacked by the audacity (?) of a parent/parents who felt leaving a newborn in the hallway of one of the busiest hotels in Niagara Falls was anything but lunacy.

Then a thought occurred to me: since I was in the position to test the lunacy of this action… should I?

I think we all know the answer, right?

  • And so I took hold of the unoccupied stroller.
  • I headed for the guest elevators.
  • I boarded a guest elevator and waited for the doors to close.
  • I opened the doors nanoseconds before the elevator was in motion.
  • Returning the stroller to its original position beside the still-sleeping babe, I waited for someone, anyone, to emerge from one of the rooms.

Five full minutes later, the child’s young parental units (obviously, I’m using the term so loosely it’s almost criminal) emerged, smiling and completely ignorant. They were Iranian, super-friendly and completely ignorant. They were traveling light and were completely ignorant.

By “completely ignorant”, I mean this couple had no idea how close they came to losing their progeny, perhaps forever. I could have absconded with their child and been out of the hotel before they even left the room. But they had no idea; they simply gave me four suitcases to transport downstairs and we parted ways temporarily. I shook my head the entire time I was in the service elevator.

Fifteen minutes later, (I tried in vain to locate a clergyman to bless this poor rug rat), they brought their car around, tipped me two American dollars and sped off, completely ignorant.

I watched with morbid fascination as their vehicle faded from my sight. Obviously, their child had been born behind the Eight Ball – and was going to be there for a very long time.

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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31 Responses to Meet The Greatest Parents Ever.

  1. MissTiffany says:

    Oh my goodness! That child was lucky you were in the hallway and not someone else. How could they…
    As usual, the stupidity of humanity astounds me as it continues to reach new heights.

  2. ” parents these days “.

  3. Paul says:

    Wow Hook. That is scary. I’m speechless. I am struggling with myself to try and not pass judgement and stereotype – and I gotta tell you I think I am losing the battle.

  4. hollie says:

    I’m constantly amazed that these children live to see adulthood.

    • The Hook says:

      I’m not. Look at the world today, Hollie.

      • hollie says:

        This summer I was driving with my son about to go to the pool when we came upon a little boy on fire in his front yard. He was trying to get his clothes off as I got closer to the house. He did, but he was badly burnt. A neighbor pounded on the door for what seemed like a lifetime before the father came out and yelled and him. “What the fuck did you do?!” They had to life watch him in a helicopter and put him in a coma after he developed an infection. He survived, but wasn’t removed from the home.

  5. Serious *sigh*. Jaysus!

  6. LilyReborn says:

    In other countries this is a very common practice. I’ve read about this. Apparently people in other countries don’t want to steal babies. Crazy, I know. As soon as I began reading my first thought was ‘the parents are from a different county’
    Still…know where you’re traveling people. Sheesh.

  7. What’s one kid less. They can always beget another one. 😮

  8. In the US and apparently Canada, leaving your child alone is considered crazy only because we are a fearful media absorbed crew that have been programed to loose faith in mankind. In other parts of the world trust overpowers fear and acts like abductions just do not enter their thought process. I’m glad they decided to pack their trust while they visited….maybe they can teach us a lesson or two.

    • Paul says:

      I would say that child abduction and sales are a reality here in North America – it’s not an unwarranted fear , it is real. That being the case, i would recommend to visitors to keep a close eye on their children – being trusting here is naive and will eventually have disastrous results.

  9. markbialczak says:

    You teach lessons quite well, Hook. Maybe you should have stuck a baby doll in the stroller and had the front desk hold the real kid and see how long it took the “parents” to notice the difference. That may have scared them straight. I’m not buying that this was a cultural difference. Nobody anywhere should leave a child unattended for that long.

  10. shimoniac says:

    Let me play Devil’s Advocate for a moment.
    What are the odds that some weirdo with an interest in children, or access to the so-called black-market baby market, would be randomly strolling, and trolling, the halls of a hotel in Niagara Falls, Ontario, at that time? Or, indeed, at any time?
    As scary as the above scenario sounds, apparently the only person with any interest in the stroller at all was a passing, relatively harmless, bellman who was only concerned about the little grub’s future survival.
    Now, having said that, I, personally, wouldn’t leave one of my grubs alone in a hotel hallway.

  11. Louise says:

    I feel panic when I lose site of my kid for a minute in our very small community library (ie: rationale me knows she’s probably hiding in the bookcases and thinks it’s funny; while paranoid me is already hearing the soundtrack to Criminal Minds and panning to the team boarding the plane to Ottawa for the episode). So stories like this completely boggle my mind.

  12. The Guat says:

    Duuuuuude stuff like this burns me out all the time. I see parents at the park fully engrossed in their cell phone games while their toddlers play in the ginormous park having no idea what their kid is doing or whether their kid is about to get taken some creep. Most of the time the kid ends up getting hurt with blood everywhere because they dared to be Superman on some slide when they should have just sat down…and the parents? Typing away while another parent brings them their kid. But someone leaving their kid in the hall? Dude. That’s a whole another level.

  13. curvyroads says:

    I really believe that parenting should require training and a license…ugh.

  14. That just scares me. Plus if the child was stolen, who would they blame? Most likely not themselves.

  15. Different people value different thing differently. (frownie face, but if you’d said anything, you’d have been the one attacked. Perhaps rolling the stroller to the manager and calling police to report an abandoned child would have made an impact, but probably not…and the hotel doesn’t want to cause a fuss for customers….but if that kid had actually gone missing, the parents would blame whom loudly?)
    Raise by wolves – more and more are – wait. Wolves probably do more consistent parenting.
    What can you say, Hook?

  16. Ned's Blog says:

    Holy crap. I ket waiting for John Quinones to jump out with his camera crew and ask “What Would YOU Do?” Maybe in Iran, bellmen breastfeed the young?

  17. The Cutter says:

    The kid probably would have fetched more than two dollars on the black market. You probably chose poorly

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