My New Reality.

On March 11, at approximately 1:10 am, I watched the greatest man I’ve ever known slip away from this world.

His passing was peaceful, with only the relentless hiss of an oxygen tube filling the room. His passing was without pain, a merciful coma ensured he would no longer have to suffer the trials of COPD and pneumonia. His passing was observed by three family members, of which I was one. Until that morning I had never watched another human being leave this world, much less one that had such an impact on my life.

To the world, Jack Fisher was my father-in-law, but for all intents and purposes I lost the only true father I’ve ever known when he drew his last breath. He had made my house a home. He had made my family complete. He had made me a man by his example.

There is so much I want to say about John Edward “Jack” Fisher, but I find my self broken inside, my creativity severed from my consciousness, seemingly forever.

The house is quiet at the moment. My family is gone to the movies and this is the first time I’ve touched the computer in over a week. It feels… “wrong” is the only word that comes to mind… for the house to be void of the constant mechanical breathing of an oxygen machine and the presence of an 87-year-old man with more fire and gumption than anyone I’ve ever encountered.

But this is our new reality. We did all we could for Dad when he was with us. I hope it was enough. For now, I am stepping back, from work and the virtual world. There is nothing more to say; I simply don’t have the words. I’m sure they’ll come eventually. I’m sure I’ll be be back sooner or later.

But not today.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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53 Responses to My New Reality.

  1. My deepest condolences to you and your family, Robert. I know that feeling of a newly created hole in our daily reality. I don’t know how long you’ll need to adjust to your new normal, but I do know this, on the days you want to write, you will get a hand and a push from your Jack. That’ll be there no matter what it is you want or need to do. We are never truly and fully left behind. Sending you a huge hug, friend. ❤

  2. V says:

    My sympathies and best to you and yours. Take your time and don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t forget to look after yourself in the coming weeks. Thinking of you this evening.

  3. colemining says:

    Condolences for your loss, Hook. Such a lovely tribute.

  4. desleyjane says:

    Oh I am so very sorry. What a touching post and a true tribute to this man. X

  5. Sue Vincent says:

    Such a beautiful tribute to your father in law.If you can write this for him from the heart, then I think perhaps his legacy shines tonight. I am so sorry for the grief and loss you and your family will be feeling at this time.

  6. Littlesundog says:

    So sorry Hook. There is something very special about being present when a loved one passes on. How wonderful you welcomed him into your life, and what a gift he was to your family. Your words are a lovely tribute, my friend.

  7. C.E.Robinson says:

    So very sorry, Robert, for your loss. His memory will stay forever in you heart. Thinking of you while you find your way back with more words. You’ll need time to do that. Christine

  8. Kay says:

    I’m so sorry. He sounds like a wonderful man who will be greatly missed.

  9. Paul says:

    My heartfelt condolences Hook. He’ll be a part of you and your family forever.

  10. He was not alone leaving this life for the next.
    My thoughts are with you and your family, and I hope this quote brings you some comfort:

    Death is not extinguishing the light, it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.

  11. My sincere condolences, Robert. May he be happy and peaceful wherever he is now and may his thought always warm your hearts. [We also lost a dearest friend today…]

  12. oceanswater says:

    So very sorry for your and your family’s loss. Something truly happens to you when you observe the moment another person passes. I totally understand.

  13. ismeisreallyme says:

    Sending only positive thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Honoring his life and all he meant to you is a testament to his influence. Relish the silence, embrace the memories, celebrate his life. Godspeed…{{hugs}}

  14. Robert, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you, my dear friend. xo

  15. I’m so sorry for your loss. What a tribute though, to him, to you, to your family. He did, and you are all still doing exactly what you’re supposed to do…Love. Peace be with you.

  16. From my heart to yours and your family – Big Heart Hugs. Deepest condolences.

  17. D. Parker says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss.
    There are no words except the ones written on your heart, those who touch our hearts stay in them. Jack will always be in yours.
    My thoughts are with you. Big hugs.

  18. Lovely tribute. I also had a father in law who was more of a father and can feel your pain. He was a positive influence and staunch supporter. Every day his memory tells me to live the example he set and so I do. I write every day in his honor. Maybe you can as well. So sorry for your loss.

  19. hollie says:

    Thinking of you with a heavy heart. May you find peace in the memories of the greatest man you’ve known and comfort when your heart hurts.

  20. Austin says:

    I’m sorry for your loss. You will be in my prayers, my friend…

  21. markbialczak says:

    I’m feeling for you, Hook. The weight of your loss pours from your words. So sorry, my friend. Condolences to you, your wife, and your children from my wife Karen and I here in Syracuse.

    But as you say, your father-in-law, your dad, fiery Jack, taught you much, and fighting back was his thing. You, too, when good and ready, shall return to your world swinging hard, as he would, as he showed you. Grieve as you must, sir, and then let us have it.

  22. Robert my friend… I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Time helps the pain so you take as much as you need. I have been absent as of late, but I am glad I took time to read this post. You and your family are in my prayers. Peace and comfort to you and yours… 🙂

  23. 1jaded1 says:

    Hugs. You gave a beautiful tribute.

  24. My condolence to you and your family.

  25. Pamela Edwards says:

    Hook , so very sorry for the loss of your father-in-law . My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family. Bless you & may peace find your heart .

  26. There’s nothing I can say…

  27. vinnieh says:

    So sorry to hear about your loss, my heart goes out to you in this time of grief.

  28. Nikitaland says:

    My deepest condolences to you and your family, Robert. I lost my Dad in 2004, he was 82 at the time. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath and I could feel his life slipping away from him. His hand got cold and I told him that I loved him for the last time. I will never forget that moment, ever. There has not been a day that has passed since, that I have not thought of him.

  29. Coop says:

    I’m sorry for your loss… My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  30. susielindau says:

    I missed you this week and thought something was up. I’m so sorry to hear of your father-in-law’s passing. My brother-in-law passed last week too. It’s hard to say goodbye to a loved one.
    Sending prayers.

  31. I am sorry for your loss Robert. He obviously meant a great deal to you.

  32. Amber says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was an amazing human being.

  33. I am sorry for your family’s loss.

  34. Bob Lee says:

    Robert, I am truly sorry for your loss and my condolences to you and your family. He sounds like he was an amazing man & I’m sure he’ll be with you in your heart & soul for many years to come. My prayers are with you.

  35. Dear Robert,
    I am so sorry for your loss and for the new reality.
    As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers. xo

  36. So sorry to hear of your loss, come back when your ready,,,but as soon as you can.

  37. Sally says:

    What a moving reflection on a man who was so important in your life. My thoughts are with you.

  38. LucyBre says:

    Take some time for yourself Hook, condolences to your family.

  39. marydpierce says:

    I am sorry for this loss. Every loss is a hard one. My mother-in-law passed last May after a long slow decline. It bites, and there is nothing for it but time. My heart-felt condolences.

  40. shimoniac says:

    Okay. Understood. We’ll be waiting for you. The pain of losing someone you love never quite goes away, but it does become bearable after a while.

  41. Sorry to read about the loss of your father-in-law. Sounds like a wonderful man.

  42. Until you experience the loss of a father/might-as-well-be-dad-father-in-law, the tremendous loss cannot be understood. It is earth shaking – no, shattering. I’m glad you were there. It gets easier. He left a legacy in you. May memories and peace shelter you and yours. (and all those who lives you have touched through this blog are sending as much warmth and comfort as possible.)

  43. curvyroads says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, Robert. My heart aches for you, but I hope that you can remember the good times and the wonderful example he set for you as a caring, feeling, kind man. Hugs, friend!

  44. TJLubrano says:

    Aww my dear Hook. Your tweet just now didn’t make much sense, but now it does. I am so so sorry. You had him in your life and you could be there and say your goodbye. There’s no real way of telling when you’ll feel okay with writing again. Just give yourself time to adjust and grief, okay?. Allow yourself to feel “the things” and I hope all the memories will cover your (and your family) like a warm blanket whenever you need it (that’s what I try to tell myself every now and then. It helps. Sometimes.)

    Huge hug to you.

  45. julie says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My own father has been gone since 2007, my mom since 2004 and the tears welled up reading your pain. I miss them every single day. What is weird is when they just pop into your head. I’ll see the number that was our address, or the group of numbers that was part of our phone number, or their initials sometimes so consistently I have been known to ask, “what are you trying to tell me?” It is rough, but we make it, and that is what they would want us to do.

  46. I’m so sorry… My thoughts are with you and your family

  47. I’m so sorry for you loss, my own Dad, who’s name is also John, is not long for this world….I can relate to your grief (which for me has already set in) and just wanted to let you know, you are in my thoughts x

  48. Cameron says:

    Belated sympathies to you and yours. Losses like that are never easy to bear.

  49. Jstilwell says:

    Hook…its been a while and I know this post is old(er). But I still check in. Beautiful words for a beautiful man. May you find peace in your memories as you and your family move through and beyond the ‘first’s’ of this year. You are all in on my heart and in my prayers.
    Jess

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