The Post I Almost Forgot To Title… But Obviously Didn’t.

So here’s the deal, readers: I’ve been overwhelmed by family responsibilities and crises of late. That, coupled with my desire to finish Book Two has left the blog gathering virtual dust (if such a thing exists).

And simply put, that’s not likely to change anytime soon.

But there’s hope for my legion of five fans; I’ll be posting whenever my book-writing abilities wane. Which, as luck would have it, is now.

I awoke at seven o’clock this morning to a fresh layer of snow deposited upon Niagara Falls. My regularly scheduled shift was to begin at ten, so I had plenty of time to clean up, put the dog out for her morning constitution, check on my father-in-law, get the wife and daughter up from their slumber (no easy task), shovel, eat and get to work.

Or so I thought. We all know what happens to the best laid plans of mice and bellmen, don’t we?

One phone call later, I’ve compressed my plans and walked to work (slowly, no more broken legs for this guy), donned my uniform and headed up from the hotel’s lower depths to the Bell Desk where I spent the next several hours… doing absolutely nothing.

So I guess that means this post has nowhere to go. Good day to you all.

Are you still here? Boy, you’re persistent, aren’t you? I think we dated in college. But you deserve a reward for your persistence. (Yes, my writing is a “reward”. Shut up.) So here we go.

Ten Unusual Things That Happened To The Hook Today

10)  While on my way to work, I saw a squirrel blown from a tree by ridiculously high winds. Not to worry, animal lovers he was fine… he landed in the back of a passing pick-up truck. And yes, I realize that could only happen in front of The Hook.

9)  I became aware of a movement to bring Jimmy Fallon and The Tonight Show to Niagara Falls. Fallon has become the darling of the Canadian side of the Falls since he praised us during an interview with Nicole Kidman. Incidentally, he bashed the American side, but to be fair, the Powers That Be over there have let it go to seed, so they asked for it. I’ve offered to take any challenge Fallon sees fit to issue if he agrees to stage a show in my hometown. Hopefully he sees the value in humiliating a grown man on the web for publicity. Wish me “luck”?

8)  A drunk, twenty-something, hafl-dressed chick was vomiting in front of the hotel. That may not seem unusual, but when you consider that her vomit was literally freezing in front of and on her, well then, that qualifies as unusual. And yes, I made sure she received proper attention from the authorities. I’m not completely heartless… just mostly.

7)  I punched in at precisely eight o’clock. I beat the punch clock, a true victory for any member of the 99 Percent.

6)  The noxious fumes from the ginormous, rapidly-decaying Christmas tree beside my desk became even more deadly while I was off-duty this week. I still maintain that, in the proper concentration, those fumes could be weaponized.

5)  I smiled this morning. pretty amazing when you consider I didn’t have gas or get lucky.

4)  There are hockey families in the hotel and I served one that tipped well, treated me with respect, and was genuinely cool. I know, I’m gobsmacked too.

3)  I served a Muslim couple, both of whom treated each other and myself with respect. They were funny, happy and no one in the hotel, staff or otherwise, looked at them as though they were guilt of any terrorist acts. It was a beautiful thing that perfectly illustrated how ridiculous the horrific acts of a few extremists really are.

2)  I received a decent tip from a Kevin O’Leary wannabe. Most corporate stockbroker types are cheap, deluded buggers, but this guy was realistic and hadn’t traded his heart for a bigger Blackberry.

It’s official… Hell has frozen over.

1)  I managed to finish a post about a relatively quiet Friday morning before things got crazy during the Friday night check-in frenzy. I’m proud of myself. (It may not be a great post, but its done.)

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Life and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

30 Responses to The Post I Almost Forgot To Title… But Obviously Didn’t.

  1. That squirrel – now that’s something you don’t see everyday. Really, you are the magnet for jokes from the universe (May the all be funny ones!)
    #9 – any way to assist your efforts?
    #6 Still trees? Fire marshal would be showing up here (of course ones there are probably much fresher and not DOA like here.
    #3. Thanks for including that. Extremists make things so difficult on ordinary people who just want to get along and live their lives.
    No better company in the Lobby than you, Hook.

    • The Hook says:

      #9: You could always tweet Jimmy Fallon and mention my desire to meet any challenge he can imagine. I’m up for anything!
      #6: Yep, still trees… without pumps for the water.
      #3: I try to be realistic and fair whenever possible.
      Thanks for being one of the best friends I’ve never met.

      • Oddly today there was a fireman showing space heater fire danger…he sat it next to a Christmas tree that really lit up.
        Can’t tweet, but will check out email ( and get others tweeting…this could be fun!)
        Still laughing over Rocky the Squirrel

  2. Helena Hann-Basquiat says:

    Frozen vomit is the worst when it thaws out. Shit that stinks.

  3. Mr. Bellman, I always read your posts from top to bottom! I can always count on a laugh and in my book, that’s a good thing! There’s no blah…blah…blah in your writing, Christine

  4. Frozen vomit and flying squirrels…you sure you didn’t accidentally end up in my neck of the woods?

  5. sonsothunder says:

    It reads really awesome to me. Hope you and your’s have a wonderful year.

  6. Sounds like an exciting day! Did you have your underoos on?? he he! 😉

  7. Enjoyed it. Still worried the squirrel made it out of the pickup.

  8. Oh how jealous I am of that squirrel siting, and the frozen puke…very rare indeed!

  9. susielindau says:

    We are in an ice storm here in Boulder. I’m not going anywhere!
    Keep your eye on the prize Hookman!

  10. Ned's Blog says:

    Just be glad you didn’t have to deal with frozen flying squirrel vomit. It only happened to me once, and that was enough. And yes, I’m making that up. I hope you make it back safely and without incident after your shift. Then again, how much fun would that be?

  11. If Fallon actually comes to Niagara Falls, I will drive from Hamilton to watch him and maybe even book a night in your lovely hotel. Hamilton isn’t that far away, but a night away from home and dog duty is always a bonus.

  12. Yuck, what a morning except for the tippers and the flying squirrel. 🙂

  13. Nikitaland says:

    Ya know Hook, I am going to have to ask you to follow me around or observe me for an entire day, then write a blog post about your experience. I would probably be amazed at what you would write.

  14. Pamela Edwards says:

    Always enjoy your blog Hook . I know when i read it i shall be well entertained ! Be cool in the Lobby .

  15. Becky says:

    If that squirrel could write…

  16. shimoniac says:

    Hook, are you sure you were at work? That doesn’t sound like your usual. Maybe you slipped on the ice, smacked your skull, and are having one hell of a delusional episode. Look in a mirror. Are your pupils equal and reactive? If not, call a doctor; you have a concussion. 🙂

  17. curvyroads says:

    Hook, your exceptional day made me smile and laugh. Can’t ask for more than that!

  18. Paul says:

    Ha! That was a great post Hook. I laughed, I wept, I sighed. Love the squirrel story . i was going to work early one morning and saw a squirrel who was crossing the road by walking along a power line that stretched from one side to the other. A tractor trailer was coming towards me and passed directly under the squirrel on the wire. Ha! The squirrel did not fall, but he was whipped around and around the wire like a spinning top. As i watched, he regained his balance and continued across the wire as if nothing had happened. ha! They are tough and nimble.

    Thank you for mentioning the kind Muslim couple – that needed to be said.

    Well written hook.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s