It’s Sunday… Time For A Blog Share!

Well, it’s Sunday again and that mean several things:

  1. Many of you are swearing off alcohol “forever”.
  2. Others are making bargains with various deities in hopes of vanquishing a killer hangover.
  3. My guests are slowly (very slowly), rising from their slumber and preparing to march through my lobby like the hordes of Mordor. (Yes, I’m a nerd. Shut up. We’re very “in” right now, so get over it.)
  4. I’m preparing myself to do battle with said traveling horde.
  5. Suzie81 has launched another Sunday Blog Share on Twitter.

Here’s my contribution, which ironically, took place on a Saturday.

We’ll begin with a Saturday morning elevator greeting from a perfectly lovely young lady of medium stature and build, with beautiful crimson locks styled to perfection. Her eyes were adorned with shadow but in a reserved manner. Indeed, her entire look, from her make-up and designer clothes to her footwear, was understated but upscale. She was the type of girl most parents would be happy to claim as their own.

“It’s a lovely morning isn’t? Not too cold or windy at all. The kind of day that makes you happy to be alive!”

She was like a real-life Disney princess in Park Avenue duds. My response was classic Hook.

“Well, Mother Nature is encasing Niagara Falls under an icy layer of freezing rain but the temperature is mild enough to allow one to stand outside and admire her handiwork, so I suppose I have to agree with you.”

 My cynicism worked its usual magic, despite its toxic nature.

“You’re funny. The guests must love you!”

Some of them certainly do.

Our time together was brief (an empty elevator moves quite rapidly in the early hours of  Saturday morning), but memorable. Not only was she ridiculously pleasant on a day dominated by bleary-eyed, exhausted zombies, she had a certain way about her that defied description. (Don’t you love it when writers use words like, “indescribable”?) There was something about this girl I couldn’t put my finger on.

ME:  It looks like we’re headed to the same floor.

HER:  Yes, but I doubt we’re going there for the same reasons. Although, I could put your brass cart to good use!

ME:  Oh, did you need some help with your bags in the room?

HER:  No, but I your cart would be great to dance on!

Now it was my turn to laugh. She left me gobsmacked for a moment. A picture began to form in my mind, but we arrived at the floor and she took off like a shot, heading directly to a specific room. My instincts, mixed with a writer’s curiosity, prompted me to stay back and observe from a distance.

One quick but powerful knock later, the press board door opened and a towering blonde, shapely goddess, attired in corporate wear and naughty librarian specks, appeared.

HER:  Good morning, I’m Heather!

CORPORATE GODDESS:  I don’t care!

(You have to love a woman who gets right to the point, don’t you?)

And with that declaration, the Corporate Goddess reached out and grabbed Heather, enveloping her in her arms with all the power of a sexy octopus. (I have a real future in the Fifty Shades of Grey arena, don’t I?) Far from shocked, Heather willingly surrendered herself to her predator’s advances, melting into the embrace. Their mouths coalesced as the Corporate Goddess explored her prey’s delicate backside and exquisite derriere.

Fortunately, within a moment they fell into the room as a single entity, the Beast with two backs fully formed by then. My glasses were fogged up – as was my brain – so I couldn’t have seen anything else anyway. 

My instincts are usually sharp enough to spot a prostitute (I’ll refrain from my customary use of the word “hooker” out of respect for Heather), never mind one that is willing to go gay for pay, but Heather was cut from a different cloth, rendering my skills useless. I have to admit to feeling a certain degree of relief at the fact I was surprised for once. I’ve been doing this job for seventeen years and I hope I’ll never be able to say, “Now I’ve seen it all.”

See you in the Twitterverse and the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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39 Responses to It’s Sunday… Time For A Blog Share!

  1. Wow. You should collate all these stories into a book! Thanks for the #SundayBlogShare promo too!

  2. shimoniac says:

    Maybe she wasn’t a pro. She could have been Suzie Soccermom, doing a bit of side-lining to pay for little Susy’s hockey lessons. I have heard of weirder things, though I have no personal experience, dammit. 😯

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    I’m sure you will never utter that phrase. :0)

  4. Nikitaland says:

    She gave herself away when she said that she could use your cart to dance on. Most people would use it for their luggage, but then again, perhaps she has too much luggage to fit on your cart and would just rather dance the night away on it and leave her baggage in the closet.

  5. WOW! Someone got one over on the Hook? Who knew?? I saw it coming though! (probably because your posts always have an element of surprise in them) 😉

  6. Paul says:

    Great story Hook. In my life I’ve run into one or two others like Heather, who seem to have a sense of self that makes them seem centered and at peace with the world – unshakeable. Although her market is small, it is growing larger and I imagine pays very well – high end. Very focussed mission statement.

    Nice. It is always a pleasure to run into them, although it is very rare. It leaves me with a feeling that there is hope for humanity.

  7. Can’t believe this one bamboozled you. The universe must have known boredom was settling in and sent you a sample of the year ahead. 😀 😀

  8. Don’t worry you will never be a leader to say you have seen it all as long as your glasses keep fogging up like that.

  9. Laughing my head off every time I read “I don’t care!”

  10. curvyroads says:

    So glad to hear you are not jaded, with all you have seen, and, fortunately for us, shared!!

  11. What’s this about not including any photos? Have you no decency, sir?

  12. Marian Green says:

    You dear Hook are the in-est of all in nerds. Even if your call lady radar had a glitch.

  13. PinkNoam says:

    Are you going to write a book of your memoirs at any point? I suspect some people might not believe half the stories… And others, like this one, make me need mind bleach. 😉

    • The Hook says:

      Unfortunately, they don’t make mind bleach, Noam… just alcohol.
      And I tried the book thing once and failed badly, but I’ll be giving at another go eventually.

  14. Happy new year and best wishes to you and yours for health, happiness, peace & prosperity in 2015!

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