Five Minutes of My Life.

Experiment time, kids! Here is a brief snippet of my day, written before the first call of my shift.

And nothing more.

Shall we begin?

So, despite my best efforts to the contrary, Sunday is here. Again.

At the moment, the hotel is in the midst of awakening from a Saturday night slumber that, for most guests, was induced by alcohol, pharmaceuticals that were originally prescribed for someone else, coital activity and in rare cases, plain old exhaustion. There are no hookers yet. No drunken corporate drones. No hung-over cougars. No Red Bull addicted kids. No twenty-something couples desperately clinging to their youth by engaging in wild, reckless, dangerous sex. (They all seem to think life ends at thirty. The fools have no idea.)

The lobby is virtually empty.

The horde has not arrived.


But some guests are beginning to make their way down to the lobby – slowly – but my fellow bellmen are only interested in one particular guest.


ME:  You were struck by a freak meteor shower on the way to work, gained temporary super powers, fought off an alien invasion single-handed, which required you travel to a future where humanity was long-dead and there you met several time-displaced individuals who agreed to remain behind and restart the human race and when you returned you repaired all the collateral damage before I arrived for work?

ART:  Uh… no.

ME:  Awww…. I was so hoping something really cool would happen.

ART:  There’s a Toronto Maple Leaf here with his wife. They arrived late last night after they won a game.

ME:  You’re lying!

ART:  No, I’m dead serious!

ME:  Come on! I know I don’t follow hockey and I have no real interest in that news but I still refuse to believe that!

ART:  I swear, I’m telling the truth!

ME:  The Leafs won a game?

And that’s it, folks. Let me know if my efforts to squeeze in a post before my day begins in earnest were successful, will you?

See you in the lobby…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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16 Responses to Five Minutes of My Life.

  1. I would have probably had the same thought cross my mind. Keep me posted when you run into someone who did that other thing, though. OK. Now that would be cool.

  2. Kay says:

    There was no freak meteor shower? Now that’s disappointing.

  3. granny1947 says:

    I’m gad you mentioned hockey as I had NO idea what you were talking about. 🙂

  4. Robin says:

    So guilty of thinking that life ends at 30….and low and behold will be turning 51 in a few weeks. Oh if I could teach just one lesson. “Take off the blinders 20 something’s, you’ve only just begun.”

  5. You did keep me reading to the end…. 🙂

  6. LOL and yes, I would have liked the freak meteor shower too! ;p

  7. Paul says:

    You know what the Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common Hook? They are the only ones who can get 20,000 people to jump to their feet and holler: “Jeeeesus Key-Rist” .

    You hear about the guy who parked his car downtown and went on foot to do some errands? He was about 10 blocks from his car when he realized he had forgotten to lock hs doors – and he had left his ticket for tonight’s Maple Leaf game on the dashboard. He ran back to his car and arrived all out of breath only to discover the door open and two Leafs tickets on the dashboard.

    Bwahahaha! Go Sens Go!

  8. stephrogers says:

    I know there’s a sporting reference in here somewhere…..
    I am incredibly unAustralian in that I do not and cannot understand sport of any kind. I do, however, like maple leaves, and maple syrup, so you’ve got me.

  9. LVital7019 says:

    Hahahaha! My husband would LOVE that one!

  10. cecilia says:

    I will be watching out for you.. in five minutes. excellent.c

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