My shift today has been as vacant and desolate as Kim Kardashian’s conscience.
However, that doesn’t mean it’s been completely boring…
GIGGLY GIRL: We’re so glad to be here! We’re from London and we love it here! Thanks for helping us with our bags!
Bear in mind, this young blonde waif from London Town punctuated every single sentence with a giggle so girlish, it would have melted Hitler’s heart. Every. Single. Sentence.
Her Asian boyfriend was an easygoing lad who was just along for the ride. He let her dominate the conversation (a tactic that I’m certain applied to every aspect of their relationship), with more giggly pronouncements focused on her love of Canada, Niagara Falls, the hotel lobby, the elevator and even yours truly.
“I don’t really know you, but you seem like a superb bellman!”
I have to admit, the girl had great taste.
ME: I have to say, sir, you’re a lucky man.
GG: He knows that! But why do you think so? (In between giggles, ‘natch.)
ME: Well, most people are fatigued, thirsty, hungry and cranky when they first arrive, but not you! In fact, you’re overflowing with joy. Bursting, even!
Her response was blogging gold.
“You really think so? You should see me in the sack!“
Fortunately, I’m not easily rattled.
ME: Well, I’m sure you have a wonderful style, miss, but I’m not sure how I’d react to giggling in the bedroom. I’d be too worried you were giggling for other reasons! If you know what I mean!”
Her love just adopted an awkward smile and put his head down. The poor devil. She, however, didn’t miss a beat.
“Oh I’m sure you wouldn’t have to worry about that! You’re a tall one and you know what they say about tall ones, right?
That rattled me.
ME: Yes! Yes, I do… and they’re right!
But not for long.
Fortunately, at that point we all laughed. We left the elevator and arrived at their room. They tipped me. I returned to the quiet – and mind-numbing – calm of the lobby. End of story. Until the next call, that is.
Well, I’m off. Time to go home and enjoy a brand-spanking-new episode of Murdoch Mysteries. See you in the lobby, kids…