BEST. POST. EVER.

THE HOOK’S BEDROOM: 2:30 am.

I awoke, dizzy, feverish and uncovered. Desperately, I yanked and tugged (at the covers… perverts) until the wife relented – an hour later. An hour after that, our daughter wandered in, overtime by an asthma attack. She recovered nicely – eventually – and drifted back to Morpheus’ embrace. (Incidentally, he’s the only male allowed to embrace my daughter – for now, at least.)

THE HOOK’S BEDROOM: 5 am.

I drift back to sleep.

THE HOOK’S BEDROOM: 7 am.

The alarm buzzes, shattering the morning calm. What follows are the thoughts that ran through my mind following the clarion call to work.

“If I can only reach the alarm, I’ll be good.”

“If I can only fall out of bed – quietly –  I’ll be good.”

“If I can only fall down the stairs – softly – I’ll be good.”

“If I can only reach the downstairs bathroom and begin changing into my ‘civvies’, I’ll be good.”

“If I can only strip off my pajamas, get my long johns (which won’t leave my body all winter) off and put fresh boxers on without falling over before putting my long johns back on, I’ll be good.”

“Please don’t let me fall over, God. I refuse to die in my bathroom like the King of Rick ‘n Roll.”

“If I can only shave, brush, wash and do a five-point-inspection without vomiting, I’ll be good.”

“If I can only pack my lunch and walk to work with a bed leg and a feverish body without falling into a ditch, I’ll be good.”

“Wait a minute, there are no ditches on the way to work!”

“If I can only make it to my locker and change into my uniform without going down like a Redwood, I’ll be good.”

“Okay, I’m dressed like a bellman. Now if I can only act like a bellman for eleven hours, I’ll be good.”

Wish me luck, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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31 Responses to BEST. POST. EVER.

  1. REDdog says:

    I know Hook, sometimes it just hurts man.

  2. It’s all good! 😉

  3. susielindau says:

    Oh no! It sounds like the crud! Maybe you can find an empty room and sleep for a few hours….

  4. Before the open-parenthesis, my mind went exactly where you knew it would. You baited me! That’s devilishly unfair.

    In an astonishing coincidence, I just published a post about the time I almost wound up like Elvis. Too close for comfort.

  5. oceanswater says:

    I agree, sleep is over rated… 🙂 Enjoy your day!!

  6. 1jaded1 says:

    Good luck. Feverish body? Hope you feel better.

  7. Ned's Blog says:

    So it’s not a total waste, you might consider making it a point to shake the hands of folks you meet and don’t like today.

  8. Now we all know how having a good sleep must be. 😀 No falling over or fuzzy brain. Hope your day got better.

  9. markbialczak says:

    Give the stink eye freely today, Hook. It is certan to have greater effect than usual.

  10. Paul says:

    Oh Lord, I’ve had days like that. Just make it from one task to the next. And it seems there is an endless row of them. I’m with ya Hook. Best of luck getting through the day – which I know you will. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

  11. orples says:

    Asthma runs in our family, too. It’s no fun, but it did save my brother from having to serve in Vietnam, so there is an upside, sometimes. 🙂

  12. Well, that was a hell of a start to your day. I hope you are on the mend.

  13. BEst post ever, def!

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