In My World, Even A Quiet Day Is Far From Uneventful.

The hotel is deader than my writing career, but it’s never boring.

Meet Anthony. He’s one of our senior managers. Anthony is a great guy and as you’ve probably surmisd by now, he’s Italian. How Italian is he, you ask? He’s so Italian, he makes The Sopranos look like Frenchmen.

A:  (Everyone calls him “A”. Shut up.)  Hey, Hook, what’s up?

Thrilling so far, right.?

ME:  Just having lunch.

Can you handle the pace?

A:  What’s up with lunch?  You got a burger there?  Where’s that burger from?  That looks like a great burger there.  Where’s it from?

ME:  Which “Q” would you like me to provide an “A” for first, Anthony?

A:  What?

ME:  Never mind. I’m having a double burger from the King.

A:  The King?

ME:  Yeah, to us mangiacakes, that’s short for Burger King.

A:  You people are so weird!

ME:  You don’t know the half of it, buddy.

A:  So what are you having again?

ME:  A double burger.

IF you’re sensitive to cursing… STOP. READING. NOW.

A:  A DOUBLE BURGER? SERIOUSLY?

My apologies for the bold and all-caps. Nothing else would do his reaction justice.

ME:  Seriously. I wouldn’t lie to you. A double burger.

A:  FUCK OFF!  You’re lyin’, Hook! What are you eating?

ME:  (Laughing mildly.)  A double burger.

A:  FUCK OFF!!

ME:  I’m serious. It’s a double burger.

A:  FUCK OFF!!!

ME:  (Laughing hysterically now.)  If I choke to death in this backroom…

A:  Stop jerking me off! You’re not eating a burger with two freakin’ patties! That’d be crazy! What are you eating?

ME:  Seriously? (Exhaling.)  It’s a double bur-

A:  FUCK OFF!!!!

ME:  Fine. Have it your way. It’s a plain old, one-patty burger.

A:  Was that so hard, Hook?

ME:  Actually… yeah… it was. I’m knackered!

A:  You’ll be fine. Hey, why don’t you put this in your blog!

ME:  You think anyone will believe it?

A:  Sure! Just don’t make me look like a douchebag!

ME:  I promise I won’t deliberately make you look like a douchebag, Anthony.

See you in the lobby, kids. I’ll be the one eating the double burger. Seriously.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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27 Responses to In My World, Even A Quiet Day Is Far From Uneventful.

  1. Hahahaha @ mangiacakes.

    My wife is Eye-talian, I gotta tell her that one.

  2. PsiFiGal says:

    WTF? Why do you think he didn’t believe you? I love reading your posts Hook, they’re always entertaining.

  3. markbialczak says:

    Anthony works in the grocery store …

    Billy Joel sang about this guy, no shit, right Hook?

  4. Jolene says:

    Haha that was great!! couldn’t he see that you were eating a DOUBLE BURGER?? haha

  5. Is it bad that I’m confused? Maybe I’m stupid from the sun I got today 🙂

  6. orples says:

    If ‘fuck’ weren’t in the dictionary, I wonder what word people would use as a substitution? A little something to ponder when it’s slow.

  7. Paul says:

    Good thing you didn’t have fries too or the post would have gone over 2,000 words.

  8. 'Tis says:

    Did you purposefully tell him to “have it your way” or was that just a sly way of adding in the old BK slogan? lol

  9. serins says:

    Yum double burger…. 🙂 And who is this guy kidding? has he never had a double burger?

  10. The first line made me wonder if you and the Hotel were about to relay a “The Shining” horror movie event.
    Not that the place is a horror and you’ve taken to chatting with guest long departed…
    Funny post, Hook. But no fries? How is that even possible?

  11. Why am I now picturing Anthony as Joe Pesci?? Do I amuse you? Am I a clown? hahaha

  12. What’s the difference between a double patty and a single burger? Another patty. Duh.

  13. Surely he was pulling your leg. 😦

  14. LVital7019 says:

    Hahahahaha! It’s like Wicked Monk on 4th Avenue in Bay Ridge all over again!

  15. As soon as I saw the word “mangiacakes” I got a tear in my eye and a little homesick. No one has called me a mangiacake since I left Niagara Falls. ;- )

  16. Pingback: Sex Hope & Love (sex Hopp Och Kärlek) (2005) - Sexy Video

  17. curvyroads says:

    Haha, that douchebag didn’t need any help! 😉

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