It’s The Morning After… Now Get The Hell Off My Lawn, Kids!

Sorry about that. The inner-old-man I channelled during the three months I spent stuck on the porch last summer escapes every so often…

Let’s continue, shall we?

The various decorated-by-each-department-pumpkins in the lobby are already rotting and attracting fruit flies.

The streets are being cleaned of vomit and feather boas and assorted costume leavings.

I stepped over the ood beer/alcohol bottle on my way to work.

Decorations are already hanging low on more than one home.

There was an unconscious Red Riding Hood in the lobby an hour ago who appeared to have been rode until she turned red. (Love the imagery? I’m a gifted mad genius.)

Incidentally, what’s the deal with Red Riding Hood anyway? She appears to be gaining momentum over French Maids, the “Sexy Ebola Containment Suit” (yep), Slutty Cop and even Naughty Librarian. Are men – and many women – really that attracted to the “lost little girl on her way to Grandma’s house” concept?

Scratch that… another Red just stumbled through the lobby, her hood barely clinging to her bustier, which is barely clinging to her petite, yet-defintely-ample chest. I think she lost her fight with her Big Bad Wolf – which actually means she won. The contents of her basket of “goodies are clearly visible; grandma would be shocked by the booze and the sheer size of Red’s “little still-buzzing friend.” Guess her… “eyes” (?) are bigger than her stomach. Or something like that?

 Never mind my pondering.

Happy Morning-after Halloween, kidddies…


About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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20 Responses to It’s The Morning After… Now Get The Hell Off My Lawn, Kids!

  1. Those costumes! I went to a Halloween shop to see about picking up a last-minute costume. I quickly decided anything I did obtain would never, ever be worn outside the bedroom … if the line hadn’t been so freakin’ long! What with the line being around the store, I decided to pass.

  2. What happened to the woman with the 5 “friends”? She’s who I was thinking about last night while sleeping alone in a condo that could sleep 6…

  3. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I prefer that explanation of the Little Red Riding Hood scenario vs. wanting to bang a big, bad wolf.

  4. granny1947 says:

    Now I am completely sure I am glad we don’t celebrate Halloween here!

  5. I’m just happy the whole Halloween creepiness if over for another year. 😀 😀

  6. Paul says:

    Ah, grumpy old man – your days of being the Big Bad Wolf are gone? Ha!

  7. I tried to buy a maleficent costume to go out with my kids… But I couldn’t find anything suitable – unless I wanted to be a slutty maleficent…

  8. You’re so poetic post-Hallowe’en, darling.

  9. PsiFiGal says:

    Could be the popularity of TV shows like Once Upon A Time?

  10. I think you can only get “sexy” costumes these days…..the choices are fewer and further between, as is the material quotient in these costumes!

  11. You are a gifted mad genius with imagery. Especially when you find the perfect pic to accompany your post. My theory on the popularity of “Red” is that it has something to do with the popularity of “Once Upon A Time”. The Red Riding Hood character in that is quite attractive.

  12. jlheuer says:

    Too bad you can’t take pictures and post them, wait that’s a good thing.

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