Saturday Morning Shenanigans With The Hook.

The request appeared simple enough when the hotel’s switchboard operator conveyed it over the crackling line.

“Go to Room X, pick up a package and deliver it to Room Y.”

Of course, as you already know full well… NOTHING is simple when you’re the bellman known as The Hook…

ME:  You’re certain the young lady in Room Y won’t mind be disturbed at eight am, sir?

HIM:  Nah, you’re good! She’ll be up and about! Just take these roses and make her day!

He was one of those stereotypical Texans who slap you on the back and call you “Boy”.  A lot. I disliked him immediately but I respected his zest for life.

One wonky elevator ride later (what is it with technology today?), I’m on the floor, in front of her door, holding a ginormous vase overflowing with roses and a sickeningly-sweet teddy bear and I’m knocking… and knocking… and knocking.

Finally, the door opens and since I happen to be looking down anyway, I notice a growing puddle of water on the carpet…

“Oh! Sorry, but I was in the shower!” (Giggling all the while.)

Naturally, I looked up with a perplexed look that evolved into an awkward smile when I came face-to-chest with a middle-aged female with dripping wet blonde locks and a towel pressed against – not wrapped around – her quivering form.

“Are those for me? (Still giggling.) You can come right in, hon!”

Actually, I couldn’t. And I told her so.

“No? But I don’t mind at all!” (The towel appeared to be fluttering even though there was no breeze. Unless you count my rapid breathing.)

Julie Newmar - blonde wrapped in pink towel

A little vintage Julie Newmar for the boys and girls…

ME:  Tell you what, Miss, why don’t you go back in the bathroom and let me know when you’re there. Then I’ll come in, drop the flowers, and then I’ll get the hell out of here!”

That actually went over well.

“Oh, you! I’ll do whatever you say! You’re hilarious!”

Yeah, I’m a laugh riot.

Off she went. The towel didn’t move from its frontal position, by the way, although I kept my eyes diverted from her derriere. (It was perfect.)

“Okay, Hon! I’m where you want me!”

ME:  Great. The flowers are next to the TV. I’m out of here, miss.

“Are you sure?”

ME:  More than I’ve ever been. At least you’ll have a great story to tell, right?

“It could have been better, but yeah!”

Another satisfied (sorta) guest.

And that was my morning. How was yours?

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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26 Responses to Saturday Morning Shenanigans With The Hook.

  1. Paul says:

    I can see she feels like she owes her undying love to her Texan. Of, course, maybe she just wanted to tip the messenger and had no cash. ha!

  2. My lips are sealed. I do not trust myself to speak. You get a gold star for your gallantry as it were.
    ⭐ ⭐ Why not make it TWO?

  3. Sounds like a potentially titillating morning. Classy way to handle such awkwardness. 🙂 As for my morning? I let hubby make me breakfast and walked my pooches. Nothing nearly as exciting. Of course, this afternoon I’ve spent talking sex, dominance, and music that revs up the lady engines…

  4. List of X says:

    Wait, is that a hotel policy that a bellman may not enter a room unless the guest is fully wrapped in a towel?

  5. susielindau says:

    You kept your eyes diverted and yet she had a perfect derrière. BUSTED!!!!

  6. LOL! What Susie said 🙂

  7. I’m married to an honest to God Texan…he doesn’t slap people on the back OR call them boy!! LOL! Great story Hook…your honey must be one confident lady! 😉

  8. shimoniac says:

    My Saturday consisted of irritable bowel. And Sunday. Aren’t you sorry you asked? 😕

  9. Sometimes I think you should be sainted for your ability to not only resist temptation but to not even acknowledge it.

  10. bfg666 says:

    How do you know her derriere was perfect if your eyes were diverted…?

  11. Sounds like an exciting time at the Hotel!
    Maybe she had too much to drink?? Who knows what those flowers meant when you delivered ’em? 😉 I hope you are doing well Hook!

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