Some Laughs And A Call To Arms.

One of the best things about blogging – besides the fame and fortune and the opportunity to pester Ned Hicksonis the sense of community bloggers feel towards one another.

Here on WordPress, I’m not just a bellman with a Viking-size axe to grind, I’m a valued member of the most dysfunctional – and fun-lovin’ – family to ever shatter the interweb. Granted, I’ve been an absent member of that family ever since I went up against the forces of gravity… and lost, Big Time, but I’ve been working my way back into your good graces one post and comment at a time, right? It’s taken me some time but I’m beginning to get back into the swing of things.

In that vein…

Top Ten “Interesting” Things I’ve Overheard This Week.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (right now, in fact), bellmen are virtually invisible… which means we get to overhear all the best stuff. Whether we’re on the elevator, lurking walking behind guests/hookers, or delivering luggage, people just seem to pay no heed to our presence. Come to think of it, forget Bond and his STDs (come on, you know he’s had everything by now), if you want the perfect secret agent, get yourself a bellman.

And now, on with the show.

1)  “So I told him, I didn’t mind so much if you brought your ex into it, but I have draw the line at your stepsister! A girl has to have standards, right? She is hot, though…”

2)  “Great news! It’s cleared up! yes, even the dripping! We’re good to go tonight!”

3)  “They want way to much for this room! All we’re gonna do is mess the bed, shower and desk, anyway! The stains wash right off!”

4)  “That was some good weed! I’m starving!”

5)  “He was fantastic, Meg! Best three hundred dollars I ever spent!”

6)  “Really, Harold? It’s been so long since I’ve had sex I don’t even remember who gets whipped first!”

7)  “Seriously, Carol? We just got here! I need to sit, eat and take a few pills first! I’m not a sex machine!”

[ Truthfully, he really wasn’t. But I’ll say this for Carol: She was a gal who knew what she wanted. She began undressing in the other room while I was still dropping off the bags. Told you we were invisible. ]

8)  “I’m horny, dear!”

[ Gotta love those elevator rides. ]

9)  “Guess what I just realized? I forgot my ‘sex bag’! What am I going to tie Greg up with? It took six months of manipulating just to get him to leave his girlfriend behind and join me here! Bitch still thinks he’s straight!”

[ And the topper… ]

10)  “I’m not worried about it, your parents will never know we were so wasted we smashed their Bentley and had sex on their bed… and the washing machine!”

Remember, kids, I’m not talented enough to make this stuff up.

Now that I’ve entertained you, I have a small request. Consider it payment for the yuks. Anne St. Vincent, a valued member of our family, is hurting right now; her soul has been bruised by love’s sucker-punch. She needs to be held, but since technology hasn’t made virtual hugging possible yet, we’re going to have to try a different approach. Come up with your best reassuring line, click on the link below and send our beautiful friend some love. That’s an order, kids!



About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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30 Responses to Some Laughs And A Call To Arms.

  1. You are amazing. Thank you ❤

  2. Hello you! You’re a good guy. I’ve done the Ann lovin’ 🙂

  3. The dripping kinda grossed me out, but I got over it and shared my two cents with Ann, for what it’s worth. You’re a good guy. xx

  4. Oh, my hook, you do take the cake!

  5. girlseule says:

    Thanks for the laugh to start my day!

  6. You will run out of material. You can even do something Sci-fi. I won’t mention fantasy because it’s all fantasy anyway, right? 😕

  7. Oops. Clarification: for the guests.

  8. You are a dear friend and a good man, Hook. Sent Ann some love 🙂

  9. Pingback: I was kicked off the roller coaster. And it’s a good thing. | ann st vincent

  10. Hook, you never fail to make me laugh!

    I stopped by Ann’s site (and followed her, too!) 🙂

  11. Glad to see you have kept your sense of humor Robert! Welcome back my dear…. 🙂

  12. It’s been awhile since we’ve had a list from you. I need to remember to not be indulging in a beverage when I read them. Number one had me snorting tea all over the place and it didn’t get any prettier after that.

  13. A list well worth snorting over (as silkpurseproduction demonstrated with such style and grace)
    Clicking over ( ruby slippers and all)

  14. The envy I feel reading your list is just wrong. I just need to get myself a job at a hotel and live my dream already. On my way to give Ann some loving …. your a good guy Hook!

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