Tolkien Had WW1… I Have Hookers.

I’ve certainly not been at a loss for words – or tweets – since I’ve returned from my self-imposed (sorta) exile… even during those dreaded moments of downtime.

Unfortunately, these observations land me in hot water when VampireLover scans my twitter feed…

VL:  (In a sing-songy, slightly school marmish tone) Hey, boy…

ME:  (Detecting her tone and preparing my self for a tongue-lashing of the negative variety.)   Yes, sweetie?

That never works, by the way.

VL:  I’m just looking at your Twitter, pookie, and I noticed this…

And so she pointed my tweet out to me and very carefully studied my face as I re-read it, hoping to see some sign of guilt.

ME:  Yeah.. so?

Guilt is overrated. I don’t like it so I don’t allow myself to experience it.

VL:  Hookers?

ME:  Yes, hookers. So?

VL:  You’re writing about hookers now?

ME:  I’ve always written about hookers at the hotel. Of all the things I could be doing with hookers I would think you’d be glad I’ve chosen writing.

VL:  You can’t afford to do anything else with them anyway!

ME:  That’s painfully true but I’ll never stop writing about them. They’re too fascinating. Muses come in all shapes and sizes. Just like hookers.

VL:  No to me. I’d never be interested in a hooker.

ME:  What if he looked like a vampire?

VL:  Do you really want the answer to that?

After a nanosecond of pondering.

ME:  I love you.

VL:  Yeah, yeah.. Butt Boy.

Ours is a complicated relationship.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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35 Responses to Tolkien Had WW1… I Have Hookers.

  1. sounds like she’s very secure in your relationship, as well she should be 🙂

  2. 😀 😀 Complicated? I guess Interesting. 😀 Have a great Friday.

  3. NotAPunkRocker says:

    “Muses come in all shapes and sizes. Just like hookers.”

    I will have to remember that when I get writer’s block. The muse part, not becoming a hooker.

  4. TJLubrano says:

    Oh my goodness haha!

    Have a nice weekend, Hook. Remember, the ink will hovering in the air.*waves*

  5. Pyx says:

    I grew up in Niagara, hookers are just a part life in a tourist attraction town, not everyone wants a five dollar bottle of “Niagara Falls water’

    I wonder if there is anything a hooker would do for five bucks…

  6. List of X says:

    I’m not sure what is the connection between hookers and Tolkien. Unless, of course, these two hookers were carrying a golden ring and were chased by a short, bald, and skinny middle-aged man with barely any clothes on.

  7. LMAO! Guilt may be over rated…. however, it may keep YOUR BUTT out of hot water!!!! Gotta love Jackie! 😉

  8. “Butt boy”, huh? Another blog post, perhaps?

  9. Kevin says:

    What is wrong about writing about hookers? I loved your response too! “ME: I’ve always written about hookers at the hotel. Of all the things I could be doing with hookers I would think you’d be glad I’ve chosen writing.” That’s right you choose writing about hookers and we are all grateful! I don’t get to write about hookers! Keep up the good work!

  10. Hookers sell copy. Give the people what they want, even if it’s not good for them.

  11. shimoniac says:

    Yeah, tell VL that sex sells. Hookers on Hooked will hook viewers who might be looking for hookers. 😛

  12. Complicated is a good thing. Never boring. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

  13. Paul says:

    Ha! Good to see your relationship is solid even after the extended period at home “VL: You can’t afford to do anything else with them anyway!” Ha!

  14. Hey Hook!
    It’ll come as no surprise to you that I’m a hopeless romantic.
    Even as an outsider, I can see that you and VL still have the hots for each other and that makes me happy 🙂

  15. Ink Pastries says:

    Looking forward to your novel: Lord of the Cha-Chings. : )

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