Good news, everyone!
While my healing factor is not on par with that of a certain Canadian mutant (I’m a nerd but I’m married to a real girl so I don’t feel so bad), I have followed my doctor’s orders to the letter for six weeks now and….
…wait for it…
today I walked to the bathroom under my own power, without the aid of crutches!!!
This is BIG, folks. Like Kim Kardashian’s aircraft carrier-size ass, BIG. Work is still a month away but things are looking up. I’ve spent six weeks lounging about like a comic book playboy – but without the fortune, good looks, or cool lair – and let me tell you, I’m lucky to still be alive. On any given day, VampireLover has enough on her plate but adding the weight of my needs to the mix?
Well, that’s had some interesting results, to say the least. Still, we’ve developed a new dynamic: She does everything from taking the dog out at night and first thing in the morning to serving me dinner on a tray in the living room – and I sit on my butt and heal.
(To be clear, by “heal”, I mean “do nothing.”)
But that dynamic is as dead as my chances of being published by the Huffington Post.
It is a new day, kids. My left leg is as unsteady as Amanda Bynes during an interview conducted by Lindsay Lohan, but it’s passed muster so far today. I’ll be tackling stairs later on today – slowly, of course. I’m currently upstairs in VampireLover’s knitting room; she’s toiling away at her knitting machine while I’m blogging. (This was formerly my comic book lair. Ain’t the modern domestic dynamic grand?)
VAMPIRELOVER: What are you doing, Butthead? We’ve been up here for an hour and you’ve barely spoken to me. What gives?
ME: I was worried about throwing your concentration off, so I’ve just been sitting here quietly surfing/blogging/tweeting.
VAMPIRELOVER: I’m not you, Moron-For-Brains, I can do more than one thing at once. A little conversation would be nice!
As you can tell, I was so inspired by her
love frustration, that I actually ignored her to record her words.
That was not wise.
VAMPIRELOVER: ARE YOU IGNORING ME AGAIN?
It’s a good thing I walk again. I’m going to have to run from my wife…