I Am A Dumbass. Here’s Why.

Where to begin?

It is a question, no, it is the question that has plagued everyone who has ever tried to communicate, from the most brilliant writer to the first caveman who scratched up a perfectly good cave wall with messages that appeared to be insane ramblings to the rest of the tribe.

Speaking of that original set of markings, can you imagine all the information the first writer/artist wanted to convey?

  • “Females are soft and warm. After you bang them over the head with a club? Not so much.”
  • “Fire… good for making dead animal taste better.”
  • “Fire… HOT!”
  • “Beware the Kardashian tribe. Me get bad vibe from them.”

But enough about the distant past, let’s talk about recent events and how they have impacted my present… and the damage they’re going to do to my future.

First of all, I am still currently employed as a bellman. My write-up and the events that led to it are irrelevant in light of… well, you’ll soon see. Let’s just say that a really bad day effects everyone, no matter how professional they normally act, and that sometimes you run into vindictive, frigid tour guides who feel compelled to make your life a living hell even though they receive exemplary service. Long story short, I lost my temper in front of, not with, a tour guide who complained to the front desk. I was written up. My career will continue. End of story.

That story, at least.

 If you’d like to read about another story, well then, you’re in the right place, friends.

You see, there was once a young man named Robert who always felt he didn’t measure up in the home improvement department… probably because he didn’t. And so, his lovely vampire-lovin’ wife, who was raised in  a home of home improvement masters, did most of the heavy lifting when it came to the handyman role.

Long story short – again – Jackie has always been the one to handle the home improvements but she’s grown tired of her role and so last Thursday, while attempting to up my handyman game, I did something ridiculously stupid that I’ll be paying for, well, for the rest of my life.

Two rotten fascia boards needed to be removed from the front and side of our garage. Sounds simple enough, right? Not for me, kids. Despite the areas of rot, these suckers were nailed in tight and so, in an attempt to gain more leverage, I climbed onto a wooden sawhorse and began to bang away with a hammer.

And that’s where everything began to spiral out of control.

My hammer bounced back. I did the same. My left knee twisted and emitted a crack that filled the air. I fell to the ground, but even though I landed in a standing position, I continued to fall.

The fall wasn’t the problem, though. That crack I mentioned earlier? That was part of my left knee impacting the other with enough force to cause it to fracture.

I didn’t know any of this until the next day, when my x-rays and a CT scan revealed the truth: While the damage wasn’t serious enough to warrant surgery – but just barely – it was serious enough to force me to wear a brace for two to three months. If I place more than a feather’s weight on my left leg, I’ll be placing my health in jeopardy.

Speaking of jeopardy, do you have any idea, my friends, what happens to a bellman who cannot work in the summertime? He can’t feed himself. He can’t shower properly. And worst of all, he can’t support his family.

I had a ladder readily available, but since the boards were a mere foot above my head, I felt confident the sawhorse would do the trick.

Clearly, I am a dumbass.

Now everything has changed. Jackie has had enough to deal with over the course of the last few years but my actions have compounded her misery immeasurably. For the Niagara region’s hospitality industry, summer is the most profitable time of the year. But not for me.

Right now, as I’m sitting in bed typing away, my wife, daughter, and father-in-law are hard at work cleaning his house next door, in preparation for an imminent sale – maybe. The truth is, my family’s future is uncertain, I’ve seen to that.

There is so much I want to say, so much I want to convey, but my mind is a maelstrom of regret, anger, failure and a million other emotions. I’ve said enough for now. In spite of my physical inactivity, I won’t be blogging for the foreseeable future.

I need time to heal. I’ll be returning to the orthopedic surgeon on July 9 with my super-hot, live-in, vampire-lovin’ nurse and hopefully, my patented brand of luck will bring good news. If my body heals quickly, I’ll be able to return to work sooner than expected. If not, well, I’ll survive but my leg will never be the same. For that matter, neither will my spirit.

The truth is, I feel like a complete and utter failure. Not only have I let down my family financially, I may have ruined my daughter’s summer. Sarah can’t even enjoy a good night’s sleep without the sound of her old man hobbling his way to the bathroom. The seemingly-simple act of urinating has become a major operation.

I can either crawl across the floor or I can bounce along on crutches, shattering the night’s silence with a series of metallic clicks. Either way, once I reach the toilet, the real fun begins. Pulling one’s shorts down with a brace in the way is not fun at all, kids. Once the deed is finally done, I have to pull myself up, putting further strain on my good leg, and repeat my pathetic shuffle back to bed.

But enough wallowing, my family has returned and so I must take my leave of you, for how long, I cannot say. In the meantime, thank you for your time and friendship.

Be well, and stay off those sawhorses, they’re killers.

 

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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71 Responses to I Am A Dumbass. Here’s Why.

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Dammit, when it rains it pours, and all those other clichéd things. I’m sorry to hear all of this Robert. :-\

  2. Oh Hook. I’m so so so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Is there anything I can do?

  3. Hope the healing happens quicker than you think. Going to miss your adventures. Nevermind the sawhorses DIY is also suspect

  4. Trent Lewin says:

    Shit. That sucks. But you’re not a failure, you just had an accident is all. Best wishes that you and your family cope through the summer and that you heal.

  5. Sounds perfectly craptastic. I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself. My fingers are crossed that everything works out in the long run. Ugh.

    • Yogizilla says:

      Kitt gets instant cred from me for using the word “craptastic”. I have a special place for any word ending in “tastic”.. I use “geektastic” quite liberally. Depending on the company, I may even say “asstastic”.. Hey, it’s okay – an ass is a donkey! =oP

  6. Hook, I’m so very sorry you are going through all of this and I will be sending you good energy and wishes that you will heal quickly!!

  7. Jayne says:

    I’m sure your daughter would rather have you hobbling around, than not. Like the others said, you had an accident. Failure is giving up completely, totally and with no will to live whatsoever. Sorry, that’s not you. I don’t always comment but you have been a light to me. Get well and think of other industrious ideas for those tourists to provide income for you.

  8. jaklumen says:

    I have a few screws loose already, but my new surgeon says I need to have a few more loosened– and taken out.

    So I get how frustrating it is when work needs to be done to provide for the family and your body says otherwise. (I’m on disability, but, there’s still work to be done.)

  9. Gah. Hoping your recovery is speedy.

  10. katecrimmins says:

    My condolences. I fractured my kneecap a few years back. I fell on a beautiful dry day on perfectly even pavement. So stupid. I was in an immobilizer brace and crutches for 4 weeks and cranky as hell. I could not put weight on it and I couldn’t drive. I had to rely on people. Yuk! I hate people! I learned patience, well, sort of. Knowing you through your blog, you will be resilient. It will be a financial hit but maybe something will come out of it all. In any case, don’t be cranky like I was. It only made it worse.

  11. OMG! I am so glad you are okay!!! You might not be feeling it right now, but kudos to you for trying to “step up” (no pun intended).

    As you may remember, it wasn’t so long ago that I was broken and I had to rely on others for help. I have wonderful children, as is your daughter, and I think that you will be utterly surprised at how happy it makes her to be able to help you ❤ Although it did not affect my work, it did affect my state of mind.

    There is something to be learned in this, my friend. You will be stronger when it's over. I promise! AND, when it's all said and done, it will seem like it went a lot faster than it did. XOXOXOXOXO!!!!

    Good luck, man. You will be in my thoughts constantly because I will miss the HELL out of you! Hit me up if you ever need encouragement and happy thoughts. You are always there for me with uplifting words. I would ❤ to return the favor!

  12. Oh, Robert. I am glad it’s confirmed that you are still with us, but wow, just wow. I am employing that corkscrew, as anticipated – to the bottle, not my knee. There are limits to my solidarity.

    Here’s to the high hope that we get some news or events that shift our worlds a little (lot) more toward Easy Street. Cheers, my friend. Now make sure you take good care!

  13. So sorry to hear the news……..I wish you a quick healing!

  14. Jennifer says:

    I have no words, well not many anyway. Tearing important parts in the shoulder renders one incapacitated also, so I know your pain (it was my man as well, doing boys things). My thoughts are with you, and your family an hoping the next trip to the doc results in the right kind of answers.
    I could be my sympathetic self and tell you to suck it up, but I think that’s a bit harsh for today. Keep well, and don’t be such a dumbass.

  15. Jo Bryant says:

    Oh Hook, I am so sorry to hear this news. i will be crossing everything possible for you to make a speedy recovery. Take care and don’t be so hard on yourself. Life throws us a bunch of shit at times…you just have to have sturdy toilet paper around to wipe it off and move on.

  16. Veronica says:

    Ah sweet Hook, life throws us curve balls and we have to hope like hell we can either catch them or move it along quickly. I think you need to do both. Wishing you as speedy a recovery as possible, but also enjoying (if that’s possibly the right word?) the time to sit and be with your family, in a softer manner than previous.

  17. That is very close to a famous movie phrase: “it could be worse – it could be raining” [Frankenstein Jr] – but seriously these are nothing but signs our self send us to say that we’re doing something wrong. You have obviously been straining yourself at work [ill too] without resting as much as you should. The only real blame is for not taking care of you. Your family wants a healthy Robert, not a broken to pieces one [and I don’t mean the leg of course]. As for the financial situation, even if you got rich [which is something I whole heartily wish you], it wouldn’t make up for lost time or health. So please consider that you are a very fortunate talented man in a beautiful family with so many friends who are willing to give up their night sleep to read your stories, who needs to take a break. Time to focus on you. Do that and all the rest will soon smile back.
    PS Get well!

  18. Tom Lucas says:

    So raw. The best writing always is. Pulling for you, my man.

  19. Lindsay says:

    My heart ached for you as I read this. I wish there was something we could do to help you/your family in some way. You are a smart, resourceful man. I’ve not doubt that you’ll find a way to help support your family, even without standing on your own two feet.

    We all have accidents, please try not to be so hard on yourself. Your family loves you, even if you DO wake them up with your hobbling about to use the loo. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

  20. bethteliho says:

    That sucks balls, and I genuinely feel so sorry for you! You’re not a failure. Bad shit sometimes happens to good people. Learn from it and move in. Good luck with your healing. Hope to see you back in the blogosphere soon!

  21. Cameron says:

    All the good thoughts for you! Get well and be well, Hook.

  22. susielindau says:

    I am soooo sorry Hook. I wish I lived closer so I could help in some way. Everybody does things they regret. I’ve stood on a swivel stool and nearly killed myself.
    Keep me posted and email me anytime. I will say a prayer for you and your family.
    Strangely, your misfortune may have opened a window for you. Keep watching for it.

  23. 1jaded1 says:

    Ugh! 2014 sucks f*cking a$$. Really. Hope that you heal quickly. You are not a dumba$$. I’ll be here when you come back, friend.

  24. Oh Hook I’m so sorry that you had an accident. You’re not a failure. I’m glad that you’re alive and I hope for a speedy recovery for you. You will be missed.

  25. Robin says:

    I’m sorry for your luck, and that’s ALL it is. Bad luck. I’m sure you did not intend on ruining the summer and financial stability of your family. I have a bit of advice after having 9 surgeries in the past 2.5 years, 5 of which were on my foot, previously with a broken ankle: LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR! If the doctor says “stay off your leg”, please stay off your leg. If he/she says elevate, then you damn well better elevate. These aren’t suggestions, and you will heal much quicker if you listen and abide by their rules. I promise. Now go get off of the whine wagon and make a difference. You’re more than a bellman Hook. So much more.

  26. Zainub Javed says:

    I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Words of sympathy will do no good to a practical person as you. But this is the test of your spirits. I’m sure you’ll be good in no time. Don’t lose hope. You sure can do something at a home? It won’t be much. But it will be something. You’re such a good and bold writer. Writers are strong people. Stay strong for your family. This is NOT your fault. Get well soon.

  27. joesard says:

    Dear Robert, please don’t ever say that again, dumbasses are something else.They are not a talented blogger, loving husband, proud father and untiring professional, like you. Sometimes, things can go wrong or not the way we would have desired, but that is part of life – instead of cracking your knee it could have been your skull, so just draw a line, take a pause to put things back into their new perspective and carry on. (and get well soon!!)

  28. What is it they say when you’re handed lemons?
    I’m sorry about your pain–which sucks like a drain–but this too shall pass. Think positive. Think what to accomplish during this downtime. Write another book? Why are you signing off? Do you think we don’t want to hear from you because of an accident?
    Don’t mean to tick you off. I hope you’ll mend well and quicker than anticipated. Do take care of yourself. Looking forward to your return with a spring in your step. ~(*_~)~~

  29. Go ask the hotel if you can do desk work for a while. They may say no, but it is worth a shot. In the meantime, you had an accident and I’m sorry, you are not a failure.

  30. Oh Robert….I’m so sorry to hear about all this. We all do dumb things that we wish we had a time machine to fix. I’m sure you and Jackie will get through this difficult period. Whatever the reason for this particular trial, there is something good that can come from it. It COULD have been much worse. I have faith you will be up and going in no time. In the meantime, I will be sending prayers and positive thoughts your way for a quick healing! XOXOXO 🙂

  31. lensgirl53 says:

    Life can get much worse. I speak from experience. I only hope you will recover nicely and can rid yourself of the guilt you do not deserve . Sometimes we have to rest and contemplate life in a more silent and less chaotic way. Perhaps, God is getting your attention for that “be still and know that I am God” time. I pray you will be writing again soon…or you will most definitely feel guilty for not blogging for your many loyal readers. No pressure. ❤

  32. Ned's Blog says:

    You’re far from a dumbass, Hook. At least 1,200 miles or so — whatever the distance between Oregon and Niagara. I’m truly sorry to hear about this unfortunate event that even Lemony Snickets wouldn’t wish on someone. As a husband, I completely understand feeling disappointed in yourself (I was married before, remember?) and the need to feel like you’re contributing to your wife and family. But things happen that you can’t control; this could’ve just as easily happened walking down stairs or being hit by an falling hot air balloon. I’m assuming there’s some sort of unemployment or free maple syrup or something available in Canada, and if you need to utilize that to get you through, remember that it’s no reflection on your ability to provide for your family. I’m guessing you’ve put more than your fair share of working years into the system; it’s not a handout but a hand UP.

    Whatever happens, and no matter what you decide, you’re a good man, husband and father who is loved and appreciated by his family at home as well as in the blogosphere. Remember that. And move forward. But try to keep the racket down, would you? Sheesh!;)

    Nothing but my best thoughts for you my friend,

    — Ned

  33. djmatticus says:

    Dang. Fingers crossed for a smooth and fast recovery. Hopefully your daughter sleeps soundly enough that your late night hobbles to the restroom don’t wake her up. Hopefully the universe will send you something to help out your finances… perhaps the long waited for call from Ellen…

    And, don’t beat yourself up over it. We can’t expect ourselves to make perfect decisions all the time. Your heart was in the right place wanting to help out, that matters more than the rest.

    Take care of you. If there’s anything we can help with, let us know.

  34. SO sorry to hear this. It looks like your friends out there in the blogosphere are sending the positive vibes out in every direction. Hope some of them reach your leg – in a good way.

  35. LVital7019 says:

    No disability?? No chance of getting a front-desk job somewhere in the meantime?? :/ Such a shame… my mom is a certified reiki-ist, or whatever you call those that practice, who works at Basset Memorial in Cooperstown. Maybe she can send you that “white light” stuff by looking at your blog… Health & Quick Healing!

  36. Not the fascia boards: NNNNooooooo! Where was my Spidey sense? (We’ve remodeled 3 houses, ourselves…taken out walls, kitchens, not kidding about nail gun dangers)
    (Insert peppy phrases and talk here) Good that done.
    Broke-ish knee, busiest time of year, kid home for summer. Money. (Been through injuries/illnesses lay offs, more layoffs rotten job/bosses that must be tolerate because there are bills – more lay offs and more rotten stuff I would never wish on anyone.)
    Message being sent to ya’ Hook. Listen up
    It’s from the universe, nature, time, Universal Mind, God (your choice of which). Note to Hook: everything is going to change whether you are willing or not. You are going to live differently.
    You are left with head and brain in tact. And use of hands and eyes. And will heal.
    So the trick is trying to figure out which road the universe, nature, time, Universal Mind, God (your choice of which) is/are wanting you to take. It’s apparently not an option- even when you are “healed” and back at work.
    Whole new perspective. Make something of that.
    It’s an opportunity, Hook. Life is calling (but geesh, couldn’t she just use and Ouija board of something?) Get ready. It’s going to be great…maybe eventually, but great. Count on it.
    Can’t wait to see what’s the next Hook adventure.

  37. I’m so sorry to hear this, my friend. Get well and try to use your time as wisely as you can. That’s the only way to chase off the blues.

  38. Stan Faryna says:

    Yogizilla sent me here. He wants to include you in the GANG as a featured story teller.

    http://geekyantics.net

    It seems to me that you can do a lot of writing with all the down time. A friend of mine always says it and I seem to enjoy repeating it: just write.

  39. elenamusic says:

    I’m so sorry to hear, Hook. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It really was an honest mistake and bad things happen all the time. Hindsight is 20/20, but you had the best intentions of helping out as much as you could. Things will work out in the end, and who knows what will happen. This is an unfortunate accident, not you being a failure. Be positive, be super careful and you’ll get better. Maybe a time to see what else your writing may do?….

  40. Carolyn says:

    Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Hook!

  41. singlegirlie says:

    I’m so very to hear this, Hook! But ultimately, I’m glad you are okay. Please don’t beat yourself up too much – SHIT HAPPENS. You didn’t plan to hurt yourself – I mean, does anyone? You will be fine and so will your family. It sounds like this may have taken a greater toll of your mind than your body. But you can change that.

    We will miss you, Hook. Return to us soon.

  42. Jami says:

    Hook that royally sucks…sending you vibes of expedited knee-healing. I have checked out of blogging but I hope you keep going at some point. Your posts are always such fun to read. Take care!

  43. What a rotten twist of fate. I’m so sorry to read this. I wish I had a giant bag of cash. I’d give it to you. I would! First and foremost, stop being so hard on yourself. You made a mistake is all. If you don’t forgive yourself, and I mean starting today, right now, you’re never going to fully recover. Hang in there. Post when you can.

    Please tell me what’s in my head when I read “Females are soft and warm” as “Females are soft core porn.” What’s wrong with me? I’m pretty sure that’s not the word association you had in mind.

    What, in God’s name, is a fascia board? That’s how pathetic I am. I’m a poor excuse for a manly man.

    • Yogizilla says:

      We all need giant bags of cash, amirite?

      If I had a million dollars, I would only need the portion to pay for the taxes (darn you IRS) and around 200K so I can focus on writing, game design, and building up the Geeky Antics network. I’d certainly give you a portion of it. Now, which one of us will win the lottery first. The chances are good.. 1 in 36 kajillion.

      Let’s do this!

  44. Terri says:

    * without the smackin’ !
    maybe a door closed and a window opened, hang in there and heal up to be better than you were before ( which is pretty good to start with ! ) 😉

  45. I was just about to say the same as Terri, ‘snap out of it.’ Here’s the thing. Ok, you made a boo boo. What’s done is done. But my goodness, Hook, you are clearly an inspiration to us all. Yours is the first blog I followed, and when I wasn’t hearing from you, I got nervous. So glad you will be fine. And perhaps the last thing you should do is STOP blogging, but use this time to blog your ass off with all these hard, inspiring and crazy thoughts and ideas you wouldn’t have if you weren’t where you are right now. And BTW, if you need a “Kickstarter–help with my mortgage” you have 2,000 followers who are in your corner. Just say the word, dude. Love and prayers to you and your family.

    • Yogizilla says:

      Yeah Robert!

      You can also consider Patreon. Kickstarter is great but it has gotten a bad rep due to all the big companies using it to get free money (when it should be just those that REALLY need the help).

      Trust me, I know the struggle well. I went from a six-figure income to being a starving artist. I do not say this for sympathy or empathy of any sort.. But you are not alone. It’s tough when you are supporting family and labors of love.

      The important thing is that we’re doing the things we love for the people we love. You will bounce back, bud – you always do! Just don’t lose your good humor. 8)

  46. Yogizilla says:

    Wow bud – so awesome to see you are still going strong.. And have your wits to you! I need to catch up. I’ve been slammed so hard but have not forgotten you.. Nohomo. =oP

  47. Yogizilla says:

    Reblogged this on Yogizilla's Blankity Blank-Blank (Y3B) and commented:
    Robert is a great dude so come on over and give him some encouragement. Lord knows we have all hit ruts like this before.. I certainly have! Let’s get a big raid and some encouragement going!

  48. thebloggess says:

    Ugh. I’m so sorry. I had to cancel a trip to see my extended family because my body sucks and wouldn’t heal right after surgery and I felt terrible for ruining everything for my family. It’s worse because you’re in pain and so you’re not really in the right frame of mind to think straight and understand this sort of thing happens to everyone. One day it’ll be your wife who needs to be taken care of. One day it might be your daughter. Either way, you’ll be happy to have them to take care of even when it’s hard. Just remember that.

    If it helps, when we missed the family trip it turned out that everyone in my family got a crazy stomach flu so Hailey, Victor and I all got to skip those germs. They also had a car crash and a tornado that we missed. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Weird reasons we may never know.

    Sending love.

  49. That sucks..sorry to hear of your troubles my friend. Shit happens and you are still awesome, don’t be so hard on yourself darling xox

  50. girlseule says:

    Ahhhh shit! What a shit thing to happen, I hope your leg gets better sooner than expected hey. Shit happens but it doesn’t mean you are a failure! I will miss your blog posts.

  51. I don’t “like” this post at all. In fact, it makes me really sad… 1) There is no blog, or writer, like you. You cannot be replaced and you will be missed. 2) I wish I was in a financial position to offer help, but I’m not even close. 3) You are absolutely NOT a failure and I’d bet your family agrees. 4) We all do stupid shit and sometimes there are major consequences, all we can do is keep moving forward. 5) I hope you heal quickly and you will be in my thoughts… xo

  52. I’m so sorry to hear this! You’re much too hard on yourself for a mere accident, although the stress of the situation is very real. I pray you’re able to come up with a temporary solution! You’re in my thoughts my friend.

  53. Hope you recover soon. Please take care. My thoughts are with you and your family. xo

  54. Meka says:

    Awww bless your heart… And legs. I’m so sorry to read this. It will get better.

  55. bardictale says:

    Oh man…quick healing and a speedy recovery, dear Hook.

  56. mindslam says:

    Hope you get better soon. It was an accident, doesn’t make you a dumbass. We have all used things as a ladder because we didn’t have one or didn’t want to go farther to get it. Just re-hab good & get better.

  57. Littlesundog says:

    Ah, an experience (the event or whatever you want to call it) is a gift, and with it comes understanding. While these experiences can be frustrating and bring disappointment, they can also bring growth and wisdom if we are open to it. Instead of harboring thoughts of what you can’t do, slow down a little and see what the experience does bring you – a better appreciation for family, time to focus on other endeavors, and taking better care of self. I spent nearly a month crawling around on the floor after injuring my back (a tree limb fell on me while working in the woods – not paying attention to the limb I was yanking on that supported a fallen limb in the tree!). It did no good to forge forth because physically I could not. It did no good to beat myself up over my stupidity not paying attention to my surroundings. I did simple tasks for weeks, crawling around to get from one place to another, and asking for help to get dressed. I laid in bed to heal and read books I had not had time to read in the past. I learned to appreciate people who helped me instead of moping around about what I couldn’t do. I’m much more careful in the woods, and I still have an appreciation for all of the good that came to me during that period. It’s all how you look at it, my friend. Heal well… all around!

  58. Robert, I’m so sorry you are broken both physically and in spirit. You may have done something stupid (there are none among us that can claim they never have) but your fall was an accident. I’m sure your family understands that and you should too. Hopefully, you won’t be out for too long and maybe you will be able to spend some extra time with Vampire Lover and the young one that you wouldn’t have otherwise. I bet they don’t usually see you at all during the summer months. Try not to lose hope, my friend, you are surrounded by people who love you…even if you are occasionally a dumb ass.

  59. Paul says:

    How did I miss this? Sorry Hook. I’m late. That’s a bummer about the leg. I’ll tell you this, you have some smart readers – they are right. I’ve been in some bad trouble in life Hook – nasty, life threatening, forever type stuff. Stuff that made my hair fall out, stuff that lost me my job, stuff that made my life flash before my eyes, stuff that made it so some days I can hardly walk. And you know what? When I look back, every time I hit the wall when the blood and tears had cleared, there was another direction, more to be learned, and more strength. You know what the trick is? It’s kinda MacGyver-y: the absolute certainty that there is an answer and it WILL make you stronger. Think about this – when you look back on this from 10 years in the future you will see how this changed you and made you stronger, because it will no longer scare you to be sidelined, you will know how to handle it and what to do and you will be cool with that. Course that still leaves figuring it out the first time, this time, but you’re a smart guy. You have found ways to deal with all sorts of other people’s shit – just do it for yourself this time, that’s all.

    It’s hard to learn to lean on others, we get so used to equating strength with independence, we lose some of the meaning in our life. Strength is allowing yourself to depend on others and accepting it. Knowing that allowing them to care for you makes it clear to them that you would care for them and that you trust them. I don’t have much of a family/friends network (compared to you), but I can tell you that what little I do have were critical in any recovery I have made. People who kept me grounded. People who were willing to tell me where the bear shit in the woods and who loved me anyway. That makes you strong Hook, that gets you through when the going is bad. Ha! I have a friend (David) who once told me during a bad time; “It’s always darkest just before it goes completely fucking black.” How’s that for cheering a guy up? Ha!

    OK, MacGyver, time to find the answer – there is one out there, guaranteed, Do what we all do when we solve big problems in life: put yourself in your future, where this problem is done, and look back and see which way you need to go to get back to an even keel and then reach back and pull your present to your future. Et voila. And feel what it will be like to know that this problem is no longer one that need worry you – not because it’s over, but because you solved it and could solve it again. I gotta tell you when you’ve done this enough times? – there a sort of peace that comes over you. Try it – you’ll like it.

    I wish you the fastest recovery and a brilliant future, stronger for your travails.

  60. Madhu says:

    Dear Hook, I am so sorry I missed this. I hope your knee is healing well and you can be back at work real soon. Take care, and stay strong.

  61. Having spent 6 weeks in a full leg cast and two-to-three months on crutches, I sympathize with you, good Sir Hook.

    My leg saga is actually in my book. If you’ve spare reading time, do let me know, and I’ll fire you a copy.

  62. Well, thank god you didn’t break both legs. My stepmother snapped both her ankles once. And so did my hubby’s aunt. Imagine not having a good leg to hoist yourself up with. I hope you heal fast and forgive yourself faster!!

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