5×5 With The Hook: The Hook – Part Two.

I’m back and my text is still black.

You know the drill: You ask the questions. I provide the answers. Everyone wins. So here we go…

1)  The ultra-talented Marina Kanavaki  wants to know: Do you have a phrase that keeps popping up like a ghost when you write? A recurring sentence – or word?

   Lo those many years ago, when I first started this blog, Marina, the word “douchebag” popped up quite frequently, to say the least. I have since evolved and so that word has gone the way of the dodo – or a virgin Kardashian. As for phrases that haunt me as I write…

  •  “Write what you know.”
  •   “Know your voice.”
  •   “Seek the truth in all things.”
  •   “Be a storyteller, not a writer.”

    That last one was inspired by Jenny Lawson, she is a storyteller, not an author. Read an author’s work and you may be inspired, moved, dismayed, etc. Read a storyteller’s work and they appear beside you as an old friend. That’s the connection I want to achieve with my work.




 2) The perpetually sassy Veronica wants to fog up all your screens: Only because it’s expected of me – your favorite sexual fantasy, but this is a family blog, so I probably won’t get an answer. Worth a try though.

   Indeed it was, Veronica! As for my fantasies, if I was a typical guy I’d shout out “THREESOME, THREESOME, THREESOME!”… but I’m not a typical guy. I’ve never had the desire to disappoint two women simultaneously.

   Had I been single, the Wiccan story may have had a very different, steamy ending. However, I wasn’t, so the naughty thoughts stayed buried deep in my subconscious. I’ll tell you what does turn me on, though: Sex with an emotional core. The last thing I want to see in a woman’s eyes during sex is a sign that reads, “THIS SPACE FOR RENT”. That may be boring to some, but that’s just my vanilla opinion.

   Other than that, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with light bondage and role-playing if everyone involved is in agreement, of course.

3)  Jennifer has a few musical queries for her ole buddy, The Hook: Favorite music to rock out to?

   I like everything from AC/DC to Hall and Oates. (Yes, you can rock out to Hall and Oates.) My daughter has done her best to indoctrinate me to the church of Glee, and sadly, it’s working.

3.1)  To relax to?

   Enya or any otherworldly artists. As a boy, I always loved the work of Sir Paul McCartney. I’d listen to his albums (yes, albums) for hours in our living room. Strangely, I was never a Beatles fan, but Paul and Wings provided the soundtrack of my childhood.

   Now that I think about, I haven’t listened to Paul’s music in some time. Thank you, Jennifer, for taking back to a place I haven’t visited in years.

3.2)  To Cook to?

   Fortunately for everyone, the wife cooks. And in our house, the kitchen TV is usually on while pots are bubbling on the stove.

3.3)  Anything else you do?

   I’d tell you, Jennifer, but then Jackie would kill me.




4)  Get ready, kids, Trailertrashdeluxe is about to unload all over this post! (Yes, that may have sounded better in my head.)   If you were single, would you sleep with someone famous (assuming the occasion arose and you were at least a little attracted to them). even if you didn’t like their politics (or some similar deal-breaker?), just to say you HAD slept with them?

   I think I’d tie Kim Kardashian to a bed post, get her worked up to her breaking point… and then leaver her there. Yes, I am that evil.

4.1)  If sexual preference was a non-issue: Kate Beckinsale or Kate Winslet?

   Winslet annoys me with her acting, so…

4.2)  Barbara Walters or Larry King?

   Can I go back to Kate?

4.3)  Angelina or Jennifer?

   I’m pretty sure Angelina has actual skeletons in her closet, but Jennifer has been content to play the victim for years now so I’m going with Angelina.

4.4) Pitt or Clooney?

   Uh… I’m not touching this one, no sirree.

4.5)  Adele or Celine?

   She may be a fellow Canadian, but I hate Celine with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns, so I’m going with Adele. Celine’s music makes me want to commit mass murder, anyway.

4.6)  Pink or Christina Aguilera?

   Pink stayed at the hotel years ago, and her behavior turned me off her forever. Christina is rumored to be into girls, so her open-mindedness gives her the edge.

4.5)  Do you realize what you’ve done here?

   I do now – Lord help me.

4.6)  Do you write fiction?  (I feel that I should know this already.)

   My daughter is the fiction aficionado in the family. I’ll stick to chronicling the adventures of traveling D-bags, thank you very much.

4.7)  Is there anything, other than, of course, the random and continued bizarreness of the traveling public, that motivates you to blog on a regular basis?

   Just the need to write. Paul McCartney once said, “A good carpenter will build something to just feel the sawdust in his hands.”  Writers are like that too, I think.

   And now, I think Kate should take us out of here and onto the next segment, don’t you?


 5)  My book’s biggest supporter, Jo Bryant wants me to go deep… into my subconscious, that is: What is your earliest memory?

“Praise the Lord, I finally made it! I can breathe fresh air at last!”

6)  The resident court jester of the WordPress kingdom, Trent Lewin, had a few questions to throw my way. Beginning with: Why does my ass hurt?

   Seriously, Trent?

6.1)  Why does your ass hurt?

   Trent, if you’re not even going to try, I’m leaving. (I bet you’ve heard that one before, right, buddy?)

6.2)  Best place to stay in the Falls?

   My hotel, of course!

6.3)  Best restaurant in Niagara-on-the-Lake?

   The Charles Inn is sure to please even the most discerning of diners, Trent.

6.4)  Best chocolate shop in Wainfleet?

   Marshville Chocolates, pf course. Now you’re just playing with me, Trent. Well played, sir.

6.5)  Best way to alleviate ass-pain?

   I hate you, Trent Lewin.


 7)  And here we go again. Take it away, Exile on Pain Street:  Why do fools fall in love?

   To get to the other side? Wait, that’s not it… What about, because they’re fools and they’re horny?

7.1)  How can you mend a broken heart?

   According to the guests I serve, all you need to do is gamble, drink, snort and bang your pain away…

7.2)  Have you ever seen the rain?

   As a matter of fact, I have! It looks like this… 7.3)  What is this thing called love?

   It is the emotion that keeps us from tearing one another apart.  Never mind hope, love is the best of things. A man with no love in his heart is dead, he just doesn’t know it.

7.4)  To be, or not to be: THAT is the question!

   If given the choice, I choose to be, definitely. I bet Limbo is a drag.



8)  She’s a 20-something Speech Language Pathologist located in the capital region of NY. She is Carolyn and it’s her turn: If you could start over and pick the life you were born into, what would you choose?

   I’d be Paul McCartney, no question. He’s had an amazing life, one that put him into a position to literally change the world. That would be so cool. And British accents rule.

8.1)  If you could drop everything and run. Where would you go?

I’d go to Holmfirth, West Yorkshire, England. They filmed the Britcom, Last of the Summer Wine there, and in my mind, it is one of the most serene, breathtaking and uneventful places on the planet.

 I could see myself sitting here doing nothing all day…

8.2)  You’re back in middle school with the person who you hated most. What would you say to them?

   Well now, Mr. Phillips, guess what” I don’t care about climbing that damn rope or whether or not I can complete an actual push-up! I’ve gotten laid several times since we last met and you know what I’ve discovered? Nerds actually rule the world, so there!

9)  Life With The Top Down is also interested in playing What if?:  If you were not observing in the trenches of a hotel lobby, what would be your ideal observation spot?

 An ER, perhaps? A bar would be too soul-draining, so I would most likely set up shop on Niagara’s tourist mecca, Clifton Hill. I’d have to pick a spot with a large influx of weirdos. A comic book store, perhaps?

10)  And now, the end is here at last! Question us out of here, Twindaddy: Who wrote the book of love?

   There is only one response that comes to mind immediately…

   Honestly, Twindaddy, I know you love messing with me and that’s cool… but you suck.

And with that bit of friendly rivalry out of the way, kids, I bid you farewell for now. Thanks again for testing my limits. You’re the best friends/audience a blogging bellman could ask for.

See you in the lobby – and the inevitable next installment – folks…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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37 Responses to 5×5 With The Hook: The Hook – Part Two.

  1. Veronica says:

    Perpetually sassy eh, I like you even more now.
    Sex with emotion and real intimacy is better than any other type.
    I love your taste in women, Kate is totally Hot!! And well, Mr. Hemsworth will keep my dreams warm tonight…

  2. Thank you, Robert, my ‘old friend’! 🙂

  3. TJLubrano says:

    I looooove this! I’m so sorry if all the questions made your mind twirl around like a leaf in the wind, but it’s lovely to read your answers. 🙂

  4. Dude, you have some messed up friends!!! But it provides some great entertainment for me!

  5. Twindaddy says:

    So, for clarification, is that Thor or Chris Hemsworth?

  6. “I’ve never had the desire to disappoint two women simultaneously.” LOVE your work man.

    And Trent; wicked questions! The ass related ones of course. I have no idea what was going on with the other stuff.

  7. I really love your philosophy “Be a storyteller, not a writer” and how a storyteller feels like an old buddy, totally agree! You must be a storyteller because you make me feel like I’ve known you for years! Great post, Hook, looking forward to the next one!

  8. likeitiz says:

    Phew! That was a journey of a read! It was fun. You were on a roll. Love your choices.

    Enjoyed Sir Paul. They were all so young then.

  9. Jo Bryant says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for finishing with the best shot [scene too] of Chris Hemsworth ever. As to the answer to MY question…only you Hook, only you.

  10. curvyroads says:

    Hook, this is a fun ride. I loved your answer to #1, and laughed and “awe”d and snickered through the rest. Sorry, now my catch-up stalking is done. 😉

  11. I sense a Paul McCarteny theme here…and no answer to my question.

  12. Jennifer says:

    Haha, oh, and I thought I was the only one who could rock out to Hall and Oats. I might come and raid your cd collection…and speaking of Paul, Mull of kintyre brings me to tears, purely for those bagpipes. Love love love bagpipes.
    Love all your answers here ol’ buddy, especially that pic at the end. Must say us Aussies breed them well.

  13. Gambling, drinking and snorting the pain away is just a band-aid, but as far as band-aids go, you can’t do better than those.

    Without true love we just exist, Alfie.

    Sayeth Bacharach

  14. girlseule says:

    Oh god I can’t believe the fabulous Pink was badly behaved in your hotel, tell me it isn’t true!

  15. maurnas says:

    This was extremely satisfying to read. Now we know all about you.

  16. Trent Lewin says:

    Dude, how did I miss that you answered my questions! My mistake, gravest apologies. I think your responses are both heartwarming and asswarming at the same time. That is quite the trick. And Marshville… awesome. My wife is from Wainfleet, so I am in the know.

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