It’s Saturday and I’m wide awake
so I think it’s time to use my seventeen years of experience serving the public constructively and judge others. Don’t you agree?
I knew you would. We’re a perfect team, aren’t we?
The timing is serendipitous; the hotel is overrun with cheerleaders, hockey teams and the usual wandering suspects so I have plenty of subjects to
exploit choose from. So let’s examine just where many of these progenitors go wrong as they travel the Canadian highways and byways.
1) They forget/ignore the stakes.
Family trips stay imbedded in a child’s memory forever. Period. Whether that recollection is of a positive nature or not depends largely on the action’s of the family overseers. If mom and dad fail to see the Big Picture, they’ll pay for it down the road, trust me.
Many of us have images of our younger selves crammed into the back seat of the Familymobile, singing travelin’ tunes – badly – and watching our parents fuss with maps while adjusting the radio volume every time the car made another noise. Inevitably, the backseat volume drowned out the radio and a single threat was issued;
“If you kids don’t knock it off, I swear to God, I’ll drive this car off the next cliff we come to. You can say ‘We’re sorry, Daddy!’ all you want as we plunge to a fiery death, but it’ll be too late!”
Or was that just my family that made such declarations? oh well, you get the point, right? Family trips can become precious memories or nightmares, the choice is up to you, mom and dad.
2) They let their little devils off the leash.
In some cases, the rugrats don’t even have leashes and this can be a fatal mistake that others pay for. Just because your kids are capable of wiping their own arses doesn’t mean they’re in a position to self-govern, folks. Now, I know what you’re thinking,
“But Hook, our kids never seem to run out of energy, so we let them go wild after they’ve been cooped up in the car for seventeen hours and they wind down – eventually! If we don’t let them go, they’ll be up all night and the hubby and I won’t get a chance to play ‘The UPS delivery man and the housewife who can’t cover the COD cost of her package!’ and that would suck!”
Incidentally, folks, that was an actual quote from a guest I served yesterday. My response?
“I hate to say it, miss, but everyone around you, myself included, has no vested interest in your ability to achieve orgasm while your children slumber. Your fellow travelers have spent good money to be here and all they want is a little peace and quiet. Granted, they’re not going to get it with a cheerleading competition and a hockey tournament here, but your kids aren’t helping by reenacting Lord of the Flies in the lobby!”
And for the record, the young lady understood my position fully and after she finished spitting her coffee out, she not only tipped me large, she flirted with me while her husband parked the mini-van and her kids, you guessed it, continued to run wild!
There’s win in there somewhere, I know it…
I’m quite tall, I’m afraid I have to be brief, folks. The first call of the day awaits and so the lesson ends here.
See you in the lobby, kids….