5×5 With The Hook: Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

You’ll never read anyone like her. Period.

That’s not hyperbole, friends, but a statement of fact. The truth is, in a rare instance of social weakness, I am at a loss for words.

Mediocrity has enveloped our world on every level, but Phil’s work is on another level entirely. Give her a few minutes of your time and she’ll give you something people covet and hunger for: a wholly original and enlightening perspective on the world around you.

What can I possibly say about such a gifted, generous, ridiculously intelligent blogger and human being that will prove worthy of her growing legend? Phil is an amazing writer with a voice all her own and style that cannot be duplicated.

But today, my friends, that voice and style are on loan for all of us to enjoy. So let’s get to it, shall we? Incidentally, Phil is guarded when it comes to her privacy (understandably so), and so RC Cat has graciously allowed me to use her image. (Cats are the best, aren’t they?)

1)  How does a philosopher cut loose? How do you crawl out from under the pressures of society/civility and go nuts?

   Rollerblading has been rather difficult with all the winter’s rain and mud.. And Molly the Malamute must be a English as a Second language student. She apparently thinks “Noooo, stop! Stop” means run as fast as possible in evasive  routes. Or she’s rediscovered her roots as a sled dog.

   (Yes, in some cases, helmets and elbow pads are advisable.) While some feel dogs and kids keep you grounded and reveal the important things in life, it seems the same is truth for endless shrimp. Bubba’s Shrimp Palace. Wear your flip flops and yard work clothes – no one cares. Put your feet up in the chairs. Big back porch with view of the bay with no one rushing you to leave. Yep, rain or shine, friends, a huge sand pit way way over there for any kids, beer, and endless shrimp – best refresher around.

2)  Your favorite Marx Brother was… 

    The Marx Brothers – seriously high quality work! Not surprised you’re a fan.

   Harpo is pure genius: never got pushing into talking when he didn’t want to. Kept his cool. Did his own thing. (He actually played numerous instruments, including the harp.) Who couldn’t love that I Love Lucy red hair? (OK we know it was a wig, but he picked it!). Early adopter of “better to be thought a fool than to open mouth and remove all doubt” and “Actions speak louder than words”.  But still someone who could laugh at himself and had a sense of humor. His book is an interesting read, too. Silently golden, Harpo.


3)  If you could instill one change to the world wide web, what would it be?

   The control of the World Wide Web needs to be handed over to Homer Simpson. He would not only bring to it the attention he gives to his job at the nuclear plant, but also when things got difficult…or he got hungry, he’d quickly hand it over to Lisa.

   Lisa, while young, has a strong sense of fairness  and of right and wrong. She may make mistakes, but not intentionally, learns quickly, admits mistakes and tries to fix them. Bart keeps her on her toes. Maggie reminds her of that those younger depending on her to hand them a world in good shape. Marge is there with common sense and constant support. I’d trust Homer and Lisa to manage the web and keep it free.

4)  Which childhood snack still makes your mouth water?

   Snacks? What are those? There were plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables and farmed-raised grass-fed beef, but very few snacks (expensive and unhealthy). For years I couldn’t face apples or carrot sticks. As kids, we ranged blocks on Halloween and hoarded the candy.

   But a couple of times a year we’d go downtown to one of those elegant movie theaters with the velvet curtains and mythology painted on the walls for a matinee show. Afterwards we’d go to James Coney Island. The old brick two story place was extremely popular  with office workers and always crowded….mobbed more like it – as the hot dogs were cheap cheap cheap. The available seating was old beat-up dark brown wooden college chairs with the side arm supporting a small top. There was a balcony where you could watch someone in your group move along the silver trailway with a tray while you fought off those wanting your seats. Then your steaming chili cheese hot dog would arrive: smothered in thick spicy chili, a mountain of shredded cheese holding a blanket of soft onions onto the soft bun. The onions were special – rumors were that they soaked them overnight before cooking. We always ate after the movie. It was messy.

   James Coney Island was so successful they did expand and the few branches were good, too. With drive-in window so you could go by on those miserable wet winter days and take chili hot dogs home for dinner – smelling that spicy chili all the way (didn’t dare attempt to eat those in the car). The chain was sold and sold again. Then they started serving hamburgers, baked potatoes, and salads. The name may be the same, but not the cheese chili hot dogs: the hot dogs are all wrong, the chili runny. Just tearful to think of it. Those were the best lunches ever.


5)  If you could communicate with a single animal/pet, what would you say?

“Noooooo, Molly. Noooo means stop! Why are you eating the house? There’s food here. There’s a back door which is constantly opening. No need to eat a hole in the wall. We’ll forgive the window sills, if you’ll stop. Noooo, please don’t eat the floor mats. Nooo, please fireplace stone is not for eating. Noooo, We’ll open the blinds for you – no need to eat the knobs off the strings. Did the cat tell you to do that? We’ve noticed she’s smiling a lot. Please don’t listen to her!”

(For all those those who don’t know, Molly is an terribly abused rescue who has been through and returned from three homes that we know of…This is her last hope…and we are officially nuts. We’ve had tough cases before, but this one….Really, she’s fine – come a long way. Angelic when exhausted or asleep. We are nuts, though, no doubt.)



Nuts? Far from it, my friend!

I hope Phil has touched your heart as she has mine. I have nothing more of value to add, so this is where we part ways until our next meeting.

See you in the lobby, friends…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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40 Responses to 5×5 With The Hook: Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.

  1. Veronica says:

    Gotta love to be able to talk to my dog, and of course Homer rules, how much fun would the web be with him in charge?

  2. Holy shit! Phil is a GIRL??? I have been following her for quite a while now and I had no idea!

    She lives in area where I used to live many years ago, so I felt a connection right away.

    I love reading Phil’s work and in turn I appreciate her support for me as well.

    Viva the Bayou Land Area!

    • Darn. Revealed. Grew up with brothers – you learn to shove back.
      Azaleas are out here now. We’ll toast the bluebonnets in your honor with a couple of long necks. Thanks for the kind words and for riding along

  3. Paul says:

    Ms. Mouse of the Hedge – pleasure to meet you, I’ll bop over to your site for a look see. I’ve seen your mouse tracks commenting on other sites but I’m fairly new to blog reading and haven’t had a chance to visit you yet. So much to see and so little time! Thanks for sharing with us (myself and other readers – I’m not plural yet but maybe someday). Love the picture of your cat guarding the post.

    • Word Press blogs are one great crazy quilt. No better world to wander. And Hook is one astute writer worth keeping up with. Looking forward to chatting with you (ignore RC Cat…she’ll start giving you assignments and duties. Ask anyone.)
      Thanks for packing up a comment to leave

  4. The Hook says:

    My thinks to Phil for elevating my little blog.
    You rock.
    (It’s early for me and I’m very tired, okay?)

  5. Wait wait. Let me get my dancing shoes on (Hook wasn’t serious about those 5 inch heels?). Oh, where’s the lint roller? (Will that work on brain fog?)

    Hook, my friend, I’m seriously humbled and grateful. When I first stepped into your blog lobby, I thought here’s The Center of Creativity populated with the most entertaining crowd ever. Thanks for inviting me to the party. (Oh, darn, forgot that picture…there is one small portrait within the blog – but doubt anyone will ever see it. Some posts just get shoved aside in the millions.)
    Thanks again Hook!

    Oh, Ellen Degeneres – I know you are reading this. (All the quality people are) Hook and you need to chat.
    Swarm inclined Bloggers: fill out the form to suggest guests for Ellen’s show

  6. robincoyle says:

    If I may be so bold, I would like to ask one more question. What is the meaning behind the name “Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge.” Inquiring minds want to know. And, can I have Molly? And, how does Hook come up with these questions? I guess that is three questions, not one.

    • Some bushes of mystery must be allowed to flourish and shift at whim. A reveal that might be held down on perhaps a blog anniversary date? (Will write that down…no it’s not invisible ink – the pen won’t work.)
      Molly wants to know what flavor your house is. She’s picky having gotten some tastes here.
      Hook never sleeps? A tired mind is a creative one….warping reality with a sense of humor and touch of humanity.
      Chocolate? Hook does throw a great party. Glad you could stop by….I see that leash in you hand – it won’t work…she eats those!
      Thanks for dancing along

      • robincoyle says:

        My house is dog biscuit flavored. She will love it. And, yes . . . I believe the Hook doesn’t sleep except on the job.

  7. Love the dog, and glad to see she’s got custody of the sofa cushion. Bless

  8. Eva says:

    “Noooooo, Molly. Noooo means stop! Why are you eating the house? There’s food here.”
    I love this line! Hahaha…
    Rolling on over to Phil’s site now. Thanks, Hook.

    • And we look sternly at her and repeat, “You do realize this is your only hope Molly-Wan?” She just smiles. (Pay no attention to those huge dog hair tumbleweeds when you roll over….we’ll just kick those under the table for a bit…) Thanks for giggling along and will catch you over there shortly…Nooooo, Molly. Don’t eat the guest’s hems. Noooo. Sorry. that will iron out fine, I’m sure.

      • Eva says:

        That’s it. Need a dog… especially one that eats houses… and maybe strawberry-thieving raccoons.

      • We have raccoons – but not ones as big as the last place. There one was so large a new neighbor was frantic because she was sure some “midgets” were roaming the area and peeking in her windows at night – see they left hand prints all over her windows…the raccoon should have washed their hands better after eating all the fish in her outdoor fish pond….and she kept buying more fish…and they came night after night. We finally told her about the local pack of raccoon marauders. Fat and happy ones.

      • Eva says:

        They’re all the same — fat and happy. No respect.

      • Paul says:

        Raccoons! I love ’em! The kids left an open tub of jujubes on the deck one summer night and a whole family (2 big, fat adults and 4 bablies) showed up to help clean up the jujubes. They were very successful. Suggest to your neighbor that if she wants to give her raccoons desert after a good fish dinner, they love jujubes.They look so innocent – even though I KNOW they’re not – they suck me in every time _”AWW! Look at the cute raccoons!” Racoons:”Hey look, another human sucker is born every day, let’s go boys and see what’s for supper!” Ha!

  9. susielindau says:

    Two of my favorite people in the same place!

  10. About time you hooked up with her! Two of the best in one place!

  11. Carrie Rubin says:

    Homer Simpson controlling the World Wide Web? I bet there’d be donuts involved…

  12. Well round. Guaranteed. Thanks for zapping over a nourishing comment!

  13. Fantastic! Thanks for the party invitation. I’ll hang out with Phil any day! This is so much more way awesomer than blog awards. Yes I overloaded on words there purposely, I got giddy for a second.

  14. I agree with your assessment of Harpo, Philosopher — provided your are talking about Paramount Pictures Harpo (aka the Zeppo years). Once those boys went to MGM, however, Harpo’s harp playing came outta nowhere and stopped the comedy cold.

    My fave MGM Marx is Groucho by a country mile.

  15. EllaDee says:

    You got PMOTH and her sidekicks as well. What a coup. Phil is one of a kind, and she’s ours.

    • It’s just the most entertaining bunch over here. Oh, RC Cat repeatedly attempts to hand over a memo. Let’s see…”We understand excitement causes memory lapses. A small bow or curtsey is protocol after stacking the tribute can of cat food by the door. A gentle reminder by HRH RC Cat of the Realm.”
      Well, now you see why repeatedly. Molly is a tad embarrassed – feels this is unnecessarily “bossy”. Besides a little bit of paper adds interest to any diet.
      RC is looking down on everyone. She’s on the high self/loft so all can see her regal waves. If you stand over her you can ignore her…and she won’t see. Perfect.
      Thanks for joining the frolic.

  16. Nadia says:

    Phil, Molly is adorable. I thought all dogs liked to chew on…everything? So glad Hook brought you here… I am heading over to your place, Phil.

    And dear lord. Every 5×5 has some kind of food that I want to rub all over my body.

    • Down. Down. Oh, sorry. Molly tends to sit and when people lean over to pet that soft luxurious fur, she joyfully springs straight up to greet them. Here’s some ice. Maybe the black eye won’t be too noticeable. We’re working on that. You can always tell which people have been by to visit recently. It will be funnier later…
      We had a rescue Bouvier once who rolled over one night and took a bite out of the coffee table. Don’t know why. We would have gladly shared the popcorn if he’d asked.
      Thanks for the smiles

  17. Phil is a favourite. It was nice to learn a bit more about her.

  18. Hi. Saw you across the lobby. Hope you’re enjoying the visit – people say it’s a zoo today…hopefully they are jokingly referring to the variety of readers and not RC and Molly. They do shed, but don’t mean anything by it. RC instructed the Molly about table manners (“…grabbing food off the table is forbidden, but if it’s on an unattended plate or on the floor, dive quickly and neatly – then smile with closed mouth…”) Party manners vary from species to species apparently. Thanks for hopping over and joining the crowd!

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