5×5 With The Hook: Alice Hatter

It may be Valentine’s Day, but we’re all going down the Rabbit Hole today, dearies – whether you like it or not.

However, I think you’re going to rather enjoy this tumble. Our guest today is WordPress’ own Alice – and she’s fantastic. But if you don’t believe me

(shame on you)

take a gander at her first post, one of her snazziest cyber-messages, and one of her latest masterpieces. My mind has been adrift in a sea of confusion of late and so I am admittedly off my game, but Alice is rarely off her game, kids. She writes from the heart (sounds cliché, I know, but some bloggers are less than genuine), she has an actual brain in that wonderful head of hers and she even has a second blog that features images like this:

To top it all off, she’s a librarian! Librarians are keepers of tomes of knowledge and guardians of books of all genres.

Books are cool.

Still don’t believe me? Then read on and prepare to feel shame such as you have never known, you doubting jerks. The image below will take you to one of the coolest “About” pages on WordPress and after that it’s all about the questions, bitches…

1)      You’re a librarian in the so-called “real world”, so the obvious question is… what is your favorite movie?

   Well, you know, as a librarian I never do anything but read high-brow literature and chuckle at that wacky Charles Dickens.  Just kidding.  I love movies.  A favorite, though?  When I was younger, it was “The Princess Bride”.  I still love it and have most of the lines memorized.  And as an adult (supposedly) my favorite is Office Space.  If you’ve ever had to work, that’s the most hilarious and true-to-life movie ev-er.

2)  When you feel like infusing some positive energy into your life which cartoon character do you channel?

   Interesting question.  I’m probably most like Donald Duck in that I’m constantly getting cheesed off about something – especially having to hang out with people like Mickey and Goofy.  But he’s not very positive. 

   There is a cartoon called “Angelina Ballerina” about mice ballerinas.  Angelina’s a twit, but she has a buddy who is a chunky ballerina that’s so easygoing she doesn’t even care when, during a jump, she knocks over the boy who tries to catch her.  When people are dropping money in a hat to raise funds, she drops her half-eaten cookie.  Her name is, appropriately, Alice.  I like her attitude.

3)  Snow: Mother Nature’s frosty topping or Lucifer’s ironic punishment for the human race?

   Clearly it’s Lucifer’s ironic punishment for the human race.  I hate snow.  I even hate songs about snow.  Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow?  Are these people freaking crazy?  Yay, let’s have ice and snow and frostbite and car wrecks!  Snow is Satan’s dandruff, I say.

4)  If you could relive one day of your life which would you choose?

    Hmm, that would probably be when I was twenty and gave up my “flower” to a handsome sailor in a tent at a Renaissance Faire.  The relationship totally crashed and burned later, but at that point, it was going quite well.  If not that, I’d choose one of my days as an infant.  Lots of naps and no responsibility!

I apologize in advance for the next question, but I know you’re a “fan” of TLC’s “Sex Sent Me to the ER” and you have a great sense of humor, so here goes…

5)  Your porn star name would be…

   Sparklepussy.  (I have to think Merbear and her equally dirty mind for coming up with that one.)


Sparklepussy? I’m not even touching that one with a twelve-inch pole. Let’s leave Wonderland behind and move back up, shall we?

And we’re back on solid ground in the so-called real world. You’re welcome, by the way. (Told you Alice was cool.)

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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86 Responses to 5×5 With The Hook: Alice Hatter

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Alice is amazing. So much so that I forgive her for getting me addicted to these shows on The “Learning” Channel.

  2. “Snow is Satan’s dandruff” !! Alice is so clever and quirky, what’s not to love? 🙂

  3. Reblogged this on aliceatwonderland and commented:
    ‘ello, all! I am being interviewed by the Hook today! Go check it out! Before I run out of exclamation points!

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Alice is the funniest. “Office Space” hits it spot on.

  5. A librarian who loves Office Space? ARE YOU ME, ALICE? Oh wait – you hate snow – you’re not me…but we share roughly 99.9% of the same DNA. WHOO HOO!! Sparklepussy, eh? I’d be Chesty LaWoppa

  6. I could see the squirrels and they were married…


  7. Twindaddy says:

    I LURVE ALICE! She’s totes awesomesauce and stuph!

  8. Who could have known librarians could be so much fun? Especially being squished in between Virgos and Scorpios. };-)> And the Maidenform cones. Holy eye poker-outers, Batman!

    Super post, Hook. Pleasure to meet you, Alice.

    • Good to meet you too. I really need to get one of those bras. I wonder if they come with the holsters.

      • Getting into Austen Powers / fembot territory here. As if there isn’t enough for men to fear these days, there is now the Maidenform terror of the past. Almost like awaking ancient evil in Tolkien’s universe.


  9. The Hook says:

    My thanks to Alice for taking us on a journey beyond the confines of the world we live breathe. She really is a treasure, isn’t she?

  10. djmatticus says:

    I propose an Office Space / Princess Bride mash up:
    “I love Kung-Fu.”
    “In that case, I challenge you to a duel.”
    “Sounds like you’ve got a case of the Mondays.”
    “To the pain!”
    “I’ll show her my “O” face.”
    “As you wish.”

  11. El Guapo says:

    But she seems so normal most of the time… 😉

  12. Sparklepussy…. ha! If I ever draw you a character, Alice, that’s what it’s going to be inspired by!

  13. lensgirl53 says:

    I am laughing….love this librarian. She has puh-zazzz ( I almost wrote sparkle lol) …..and very witty!! One of Brandon’s many favorite movies was “Office Space”….so absolutely hilarious. And do you know how many times I have had to sit through “Angelina Ballerina” with my granddaughter??? Too many but I like how she relates. “Snow is Satan’s dandruff” is so funny. I am sure many people in the USA this past week/winter are considering this to be true. Hook you are so right again…”Alice IS cool.”

    • Thanks, lensgirl! Yes, Angelina DID get really annoying, except for Alice. I mean, the entire town was obsessed with ballet? WTF? And Office Space is great too! Good to meet ya.

  14. The Guat says:

    She sounds pretty cool and the fact that she has Office Space as one of her favorite movies I can’t even tell you… good spotlight post Hook. She sounds pretty snazzy to me.

  15. Carrie Rubin says:

    Alice is wonderful! And you’re right, Hook, she writes from the heart. That takes guts. I love her honesty. And I’m jealous she’s a librarian. That was my first vocational aspiration!

    Fun interview, guys!

  16. merbear74 says:

    You’re quite welcome to use any of my ideas. Wonder Twin. I would totally be in a porno with you, as long as I can wear my Maiden Form bra!

    • That would be the best porno EVER. We could just get a couple of guys and let them go have fun and we could sit and talk and stuphs. In our maidenform bras, of course.

  17. The Cutter says:

    You had me until you mentioned Angelina Ballerina. I hate everything related to that whiny mouse.

  18. Normally I don’t mind snow, but this winter does have a bit of a satanic edge to it, that’s for sure.

    Fantastic interview. Nice ta meetcha, Alice!

  19. Author Catherine Townsend-Lyon says:

    So,….I’m NO “Thumblina” so I’m not going down anyone’s dark hole!……LOL, and why is back then that bra’s made your boobs look like cones??? But I will wish YOU and the GIRLS, ( no not boobs~~Your wife & daughter)! A Very *HAPPY VALENTINES DAY WEEKEND*!
    Oh, and great post too!
    Hugs & Blessings Hook *Catherine* XoXo

  20. Trent Lewin says:

    Did not expect the Renaissance Fair answer… and sparklepussy. Really? I’m stealing that name for a character. It says volumes. About what, I don’t know.

  21. What a fun interview! Rushing on over to check Alice’s blog out now.

  22. Aussa Lorens says:

    What! I didn’t know you were twins! WHAT!

  23. Pingback: Sparklepussy! | Evil Squirrel's Nest

  24. Alice has a new fan. Snow IS Satan’s dandruff!

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