Its a New Dawn, Its a New Day…

Yesterday a guest actually apologized for handing me a $5 tip.

I realize it’s not much,” he sheepishly added, “but hopefully you can find something to do with it.”

My answer was simple. A $5 tip isn’t a small gratuity.

It is a mortgage payment.

It is a meal on my family’s table. (During which they will no doubt refer to me as “Butt Boy”, “Baldie”, “Skippy” or any of a number of “pet names”.)

It is yet another installment that can be applied to my “Hire A Thug To Beat Kevin Smith Senseless and Strip That Damn Jersey Off His Fatman Frame and Burn The Rest of His Not-so-Secret Stash” fund.

MY GOD, MAN, YOU HAVE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!
BUY A SUIT, YOU FAT BASTARD!

It is a portion of my daughter’s allowance – which she uses to buy movie tickets, or iPod thingies or whatever crap kids are into these days.

It is a comic book – which I can read during the long stretches of downtime that threaten to rot my brain. Incidentally, when I started reading comics they were only thirty-five-cents. Seriously!

(And yes, I realize I am officially my grandfather. Thank you very much for pointing that out.)

BEING A NERD RULES!

Five dollars, or any gratuity for that matter, is a blessing which I must never, ever take for granted, lest I become that which I hate the most: An ungrateful, spiteful, bitter, disconnected douchecopter, much like that arrogant, ignorant, homophobic, filthy-rich redneck Phil Robertson. 

(I am trying to be a more positive person, I swear, but the Robertson clan and those greedy jackals at A&E and Simon & Schuster really burn my biscuits with their cavalier attitude towards human dignity and respect.)

In short, folks, a new year has dawned and with it an opportunity to recharge my batteries and look at the world through new eyes.  Even if they are 15,705.4 days old.

Wish me luck, won’t you?

Well, that’s all I have for you today, kids. Hit that weekend like a Kardashian at an all-you-can-soul-buffet.

See you in the lobby…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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77 Responses to Its a New Dawn, Its a New Day…

  1. Well said sir. And lovely to find yet another comic book nerd.

  2. Jennifer says:

    Happy weekend Hook 🙂

  3. MissTiffany says:

    Five dollars is a lot – and as you pointed out – can be used for so many things. But you know, it was decent of that man to apologize – he could have been snotty instead. Being more positive -a very worthy goal. I wish you the best for 2014, and hope that you find more reasons to smile than to frown.

    P.S. There’s nothing wrong with being your grandfather… (I subscribe to at least 12 different comic books…I would LOVE for them to be 35 cents again…instead of 3 or 4 dollars!)

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Good luck, friend…and being a nerd does rule.

  5. Chicken says:

    Good luck, Hook!

  6. hellokalykitty says:

    Good luck ! And love the attitude 🙂

  7. NotAPunkRocker says:

    We can wish each other luck…it is already a challenge and I’m not even at work yet.

  8. Re: Gratuity – as a Former Waiter of Tables, I approve this message.

    Happy New Year to The Hook Family & readers!

  9. As a New Jersey native, I will be more than happy to beat up Kevin Smith for free.

    So use that $5 to get yourself another comic book.

  10. T. Dawn says:

    Douchecopter??!! That’s the kind of word I want (and will) throw into every (adult) conversation I can! Love it. This was a great piece. The value of $5 is so much greater when it’s a gracious thank you. True appreciation comes in many forms.

  11. susielindau says:

    Every little bit helps! Have a great weekend Hook! It’ dumping in Breck! A foot of fresh powder on the ground and I’m going skiing. I’ll try not to fall. Doctor’s orders….

  12. Best of luck to you Hook! You deserve it.
    Any tip is better than no tip. I have found that it is the people who could really use the money themselves are the ones who appreciate service people the most and will give them their last five bucks..which to them is a fortune. It is the people who wouldn’t miss if they passed off $100 to you. Unfortunately, they believe that they are entitled to be waited on hand and foot with no thought to who provides it.
    As far as the Robertsons…I saw the writing on the wall when I saw all the producers of 100 Huntley Street posing with them and posting it to their facebook pages.

  13. kerbey says:

    Oh, thank God somebody else wants to see Kevin Smith bludgeoned and stripped of his one (billionth) hockey shirt. He’s not athletic. It’s not clever. The pun on cursing is inappropriate around that girl; I pray he did not spawn her. A grown man wearing Mom capris is also not easy on the eyes. If I ever come into money, I will add to your fund. I would like to see him rotting on an abandoned sand dune like a beached whale until the sun eats away at his flesh. Oh, and way to appreciate $5. It’s a lot to me as well.

  14. At least you get tips,,,we aren’t aloud to accept tips. There should be one day a year when fast food workers can receive and take tips, my luck it would be my day off,,lol!

  15. Ah the Avenging Bellman strikes again. Silk Purse is probably right – those that understand the worth of money often aren’t the ones who have plenty of it.

  16. Cayman Thorn says:

    I think Kevin Smith has this idea that Raybans are formal wear or something. As for the hockey sweaters, they’re not even COOL hockey sweaters. I mean, it’s not that hard! You know what? I’ll give you the wholesale price just for the pleasure of smacking this guy upside the head.

  17. JackieP says:

    Kevin Smith who? I like people who give tips and then apologize because they think it should be more. Those are good folks. Have a great weekend in your end of Canada, Hookster.

  18. I’d rather feel bad that it was a small tip as opposed to not tipping at all! I’m always apologizing, but usually I’m giving them the last of whatever cash I have on hand, and it’s literally all I have! 🙂 It’s nice to know that even the smallest gesture can be appreciated!
    I don’t understand Kevin Smith. I just don’t get it.
    Happy Saturday!

  19. Thirty-five cents? Highway robbery. I remember the boys in the neighbourhood scraping together 20 cents to buy a comic book. After it made the rounds, I snatched it to read. 😉

  20. Lindsey (Currie) Dubois says:

    Your post reminds me of the thing I’ve been meaning to do but haven’t remembered to this year. I plan on making a jar to fill with small notes of all the good things that happen to me this year….it’ll be cool to reflect on all the goodies at the end of 2014. 🙂

    Love your attitude!

  21. Chatty Owl says:

    Now. You will be mad at me for saying this, but I wouldn’t be me, if I wouldn’t voice my thoughts.

    In the past I never understood tipping. I came from a background, where money was as rare as the sunshine in London. So to me, tipping seemed like such a show off. Why do I have to tip a waiter, if he is already getting paid a salary? Because the salary is minimum wage? So is the cashier at the local supermarket, but nobody bats an eyelid, if I don’t say “keep the change” to him.

    Then my attitude changed. I grew up, I started travelling, I became morally polite and I knew that tipping is simply expected from me. I grew wool on my ears and suddenly I was feeling like that guy that tipped you – I was feeling guilty, if for some reason i was tipping less than society expects. Oh the power of masses!

    I’m back to thinking as I was thinking as a kid. I don’t tip, unless there is a reason for it – someone did something that didn’t fit the job description. There is no way I’m going to tip a waiter for bringing me a plate from the kitchen. That’s his job. (Before someone shouts, I used to be a waitress for 4 years). But I will gladly tip more than 10% if the waiter brought my grumpy in-law the third fork she didn’t need and ran to the kitchen twice to ask what oil they use, because my allergic uncle is constantly scared to die.

    But I like you nonetheless 🙂

  22. robincoyle says:

    Call me ignorant, but who the heck is Kevin Smith?

    Speaking of tips . . . one time my husband tipped the bellman for bringing our bags to our room. He handed him $10. We closed the door and the bellman shoved the tip back under the door. Did he not want our $10? No. My husband inadvertently gave him a $1 bill instead of a $10. Oops.

    • The Hook says:

      I’ve never returned a tip – ever.
      Great to hear from you, Robin!

      By the way, Kevin Smith is an actor/director/writer who dedicated his last book to his wife’s anus.
      Seriously.

  23. Wishing you luck and luck and luck again!!!! [the more the merrier!!!]
    🙂

  24. I guess $5 is all relative, depending on how many bags and such, like attitude and gratitude. There have been a couple of times I didn’t have much cash on me to tip, and I always went back and left a larger tip than I would have–like a tip with interest. What’s funny is that they looked at me like I had lost my mind. It’s always kind of fun to surprise people by doing what you said you would do. 🙂

    Hope your New Year is off to a great start, Hook!
    Christy

  25. Nadia says:

    There are still good folk out there, it seems. Good luck Hook!

  26. TK says:

    Did you actually do the math to reach that number? If so, I know how old you are. Also, can I take a moment to apologize for all the non-tippers out there. My father HATED tipping and would commonly leave little more than a dollar or two even if we paid 40+ dollars for the meal. And he NEVER tipped delivery because he felt it was their job, which they were already being paid for. It wasn’t until I went to college that I even knew you were supposed to tip anyone outside of food service (like hair stylists).

    So, I’m sorry. I’m happy there are people out there who consider $5 a small tip. I like to think they help balance out people who hardly tip anything.

  27. Well grampa hook, I’m so glad you got the $5.00…Hey do you have 5 bucks I could borrow…lol

  28. Strange memory your $5 apologist triggered?
    “I want my 2 Dollars!” – the paper boy from Better Off Dead.
    I’ll take the grateful apologist over that snot nosed kid any day. 😉 (Yes, my brain occasionally draws strange lines…)

  29. I like what you can do with five bucks kid.

  30. mj monaghan says:

    Not only can you do a lot for $5, but maybe that fiver was a lot of money for the person who gave it to you. One never knows the circumstances of the giver. It was kind of them to bring it up, though.

  31. TJLubrano says:

    I wanted to ramble, but I totally lost my entire train of thought when I saw that comic book!! I love comics. My uncle has a hugs box with comics, I wish I had that one here.

    You know I wish you all the luck in the world, Hook. 🙂

  32. I just wanted to tell you that I love your blog! I stayed up way too late on Christmas night reading it after my family went to bed. It’s well-written plus it indulges my gossipy, people-watching side. Write on!

  33. bfg666 says:

    Why the hell should Kevin Smith wrap himself in a snobbish suit that is most definitely not his style when he can walk the red carpet with these nerdy outfits? Or maybe you mean a Batman suit…? I, for one, am actually glad to see the movie industry starting to become a little less uptight than it used to be. Way to go, Silent Bob, way to go. Puck ’em all!

  34. mselene says:

    Haha, we all have “I am my grandparent” moments. 🙂

    I always say that wealth is wasted on the wrong people, thanks for giving me an example!

  35. Aussa Lorens says:

    Ahh I love tipping, it drives my boyfriend nuts. Not that he isn’t generous but he has “rules” for everything. I think tipping generously is one of the easiest ways to make an instant impact on someone– even if its not the money itself but the gesture that might lift their mood.

  36. stephrogers says:

    Yes! The value of $5 really does depend on how much money you have to begin with. As with everything in life its value is relative.
    Who is that incredibly large guy in the jersey? I don’t know him

  37. trineloeften says:

    I have to admit, that I tend to care more for people who wear jersey-shirts and looks like a hobo, with too short jeans. Then the arrogant MIB- wannabes, who wants everyone to know they have more money than anyone can imagine.

  38. shelburbia says:

    I dont want to know what PORTION of a mortgage payment it is…Well put simple gratitude. Nicely said.

  39. PsiFiGal says:

    Nerds Rule! I used to be a waitress/bartender/busperson and tips were so appreciated, I always tip generously when I can. Thanks for the great post Hook!

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