This is the hospitality industry’s equivalent of communication from the front.
I feel like a soldier writing to his sweetie from a foxhole.
Except, I’m not a soldier, I’m a bellman. And you’re not my sweetie, you’re my loyal, understanding and above all, tolerant readers. And I’m not in a foxhole, I’m behind a desk – when I’m not running around loading luggage onto carts, that is. However, I am on the front lines – of the hospitality wars, that is.
And make no mistake, a bellman working the 9-8 shift on New Year’s Eve is most definitely at war, kids. So I’ll be brief. What choice do I have, really?
On the valet deck, the wind is biting, burning one’s skin within thirty seconds. The wind is out of control, sweeping carts, bags and even guests aside as though they were constructed of paper. The enemy is unrelenting. The hordes are sweeping over us like locusts, devouring everything in their path. Of course, they don’t actually devour so much as complain. About everything.
- “Why is it so cold here? My face hurts!” (Her husband’s response was priceless: “Usually your face hurts everyone else, dear!”)
- “My kids are tired! We can’t wait in line for very long!”
- “Can’t you do something about this wind?”
The Best Line of the Day:
“I’M GETTING BLOWN AWAY! I’m GETTING BLOWN AWAY! I’m GETTING BLOWN AWAY!” – a young, high-maintenance mom who found herself (what else?) getting blown down the valet deck while grasping an empty stroller.
I remained in place, refusing to cease from my efforts to load eight bags into the tiny trunk of her high-end automobile.
(Of course, the fact that she referred to me as a lesser mind certainly played into my decision: “It’s good to see lesser minds achieving gainful employment. Our society needs to do more for the little people, don’t you think?”)
Her husband came to the rescue and when she angrily grilled me about my inaction, my response was as succinct and as truthful as ever:
“I’m afraid $3.50 doesn’t buy you a rescue, miss.“
And that’s all I have for you, my friends. The enemy is about to unleash a second wave and I must prepare.
Happy New Year, kids.