Apparently The Forces Guiding My Existence Hate Me Today.

I miss all the good stuff – I truly do.

VampireLover and I were roused from our sleep in the middle of the night by the warning buzz of my father-in-law’s oxygen machine; the power had been disrupted briefly by an ice storm set upon Southern Ontario by a vengeful Mother Nature. (Let me tell you, folks, judging by the devastation I passed on my way to work this morning, this chick was pissed at someone.)

And so after I stumbled about in a zombie-like daze while the wife set my father-in-law up with a spare tank until the power was restored (Which, coincidentally, happened right after we got back to bed. Thanks Mistress Fate; you chicks obviously stick together.), we went back to sleep – for an hour. I then rose again and headed off to work. It should be noted that I was slightly behind schedule.

And in this instance, timing is everything.

“You just missed it, Hook!”

There are certain phrases that strike fear into my heart, friends. Phrases like:

  • “My husband has all the tip money.”
  • “We have a timing issue.”
  • “This week’s comics have been delayed.”
  • “Daddy, this is my boyfriend… Snake.”  (Okay, that one hasn’t happened yet, but who knows, right?)
  • “You just missed it, Hook!”

And what did I miss, you ask?

Well, since you’re such nice folks, I’ll tell you.

It seems two young brunettes, of Irish descent, no less (accents are cool, especially in certain circumstances), approached the Valet Desk this morning and requested their vehicle. They were told they would have to wait, but since they had beaten the Sunday morning check-out rush, they’d be on their way in no time. “No problem!” they said.

They then proceeded to make the most of their time.

By making out.

Right in front of the Valet Desk – which is across from the Bell Desk – and the attendant.

And they did it five minutes before I arrived at my desk.

Apparently they really went to town too. In the words of one of my colleagues: “They were leaning against the desk as they devoured each others tongues as if to say ‘You can’t have this!’, boys!'”

After leaving for coffee, one of the young ladies approached our desk a few minutes later, when I was present, of course, and requested her keys.

“You couldn’t wait five minutes?” I asked, as she stared at me, wearing a puzzled look  across her young Irish face.

Five minutes. That’s all that separated me, the guy with the blog, from witnessing what was apparently quite the spectacle.

Oh well, one thing about the bellman biz remains immutable.

There’s always tomorrow.

I WROTE A BOOK.  HERE’S WHAT THE BACK LOOKS LIKE.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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68 Responses to Apparently The Forces Guiding My Existence Hate Me Today.

  1. So gutted you missed that man.

  2. Dang, but like you said, there’s always tomorrow. 😀

  3. katecrimmins says:

    The early bird always gets rewarded somehow.

  4. That picture looks like my backyard – dead and live trees enrobed in ice and crashing down into the backyard. Dangerous up here in the big T.O 🙂

    I too work in hospitality (chef) and worked at a big hotel up here (hint – it’s a famous landmark along the skyline) and a small one years ago, and so I can relate to some of the shenanigans you mention. I haven’t read your book yet, so I don’t think we share the exact same experiences, but the back-of-house nonsense is a whole different world! Nonetheless, shared experiences is what it’s about, so this resonates with me.

    As for your particular…um, pickle…I seem to miss those things too. Perhaps we weren’t meant to see those things…ha ha. Some Cosmic Balance Ledger and we’re the reds. Maybe we’re meant to focus on the bigger (but less carnal) picture. Duller, but perhaps lined with more meaning. I have no idea. I am just trying to make it through this day without a log cracking my skull, or the skulls of my boys, open.

    Great to have found you out here.

    Cheers,
    Paul

  5. Maybe the next show will be even better!! Hope you stay safe in that horrible ice storm!

  6. The Cutter says:

    And nobody took pictures for you???

  7. 1jaded1 says:

    Ugh! Those five little words! Hopefully the timing powers that be are kinder from now on. Stay safe!

  8. List of X says:

    Making out while waiting for the keys wasn’t the smartest move on the part of the girls. I suspect that they’ll now be asked to wait for everything with various excuses. And maybe next time, you won’t miss it.

  9. That ice storm sounds pretty scary! Glad you’re all okay.

  10. May she never bring home a boyfriend named Snake . . . or, if she does, may he prove to be anything but! 🙂

  11. “You couldn’t wait 5 minutes?” ROFL! You owe me a new keyboard. Mine’s covered in coffee 🙂

  12. Littlesundog says:

    Hook, the early bird is not the 5-minute kind of early. It means REALLY early… like 15 minutes or even more. I can see you need some time on the ranch here where you can experience all of the reasons why it’s a good idea to get up and at it before the sun comes up! Sorry you missed that opportunity in the lobby. Killer.

    Oh, and Mother Nature dropped by here with the same conditions… looks like she brought Mr. Wind with her to your neck of the woods. We’ve had little damage here… so far anyway.

    • The Hook says:

      I’m usually quite early, but Mother Nature threw an icy monkey wrench my way and Mistress Fate finished me off. That having been said, I’d love to spend time on the ranch. The family would love it so much they’d never want to leave!

  13. Michael says:

    So close, but yet, so far…

  14. Lily says:

    Lol too funny! Don’tcha just hate when you miss all the good stuff? That would’ve been so entertaining!

    • The Hook says:

      It would have been an interesting way to start the day, that’s for sure. Nothing beats a cold walk to work like a hot show in the lobby!
      See you tomorrow, Lily!

  15. Hopefully tomorrow you’ll be right on time for something even better, or worse…lol

  16. REDdog says:

    IRISH, NYMPHOMANIAC, EXHIBITIONIST LESIANS??!! WTF? I think your life hates you a bit, Hook…sheesh!

  17. Aussa Lorens says:

    Ha! Hmmm… This reminds me of the time that a woman came into the AT&T store where I worked and wasn’t wearing pants– everyone who was scheduled off that day and missed it felt like they’d lost a family member or something. Luckily we had security cameras so we could watch the whole thing over and over again.

  18. I’m sure there must have been an ugly aspect that your colleagues might have missed and which -with the help of fate- you would have seen! So maybe it was for the best you missed it! A little optimism can’t harm! 🙂

  19. stephrogers says:

    Lesbians are awesome. I know for a fact. Also jealous of your snow storm. It is blistering hot here today.

  20. Probably Fate just being a tease…giving you something to hope for in the future….but what a preview!
    Great idea featuring the book….new readers need to get to know you!
    Hope the power stays on and all stay snug and warm. Jingle on

  21. Hilarious, I guess some of the guests got a show. Can’t wait for one day when you share with us about “snake”. LOL

  22. Mal Content says:

    I think Irish may be the cutest accent. Even when they’re really rude they sound charming.

  23. Daile says:

    Snake from Degrassi turned out to be a good guy. Never fear, I’m sure you won’t be in the same situation as Snake and Spike (Aussie’s love that show)

    Hope your day/week/month improves, all my Christmas thoughts and wishes to you and your family Hook. And congrats on the book!!

  24. girlseule says:

    Missed it by that much! Stay warm over there!

  25. I’m glad your father in law was okay…. And it sucks you missed the girls making out…… There’s always next time right?

    Thanks for the laugh.

    I am totally going to buy your book one of these days!

  26. bfg666 says:

    Reminds me of that fateful day in high school when I missed a great show by no less than THE girl I had a major crush on at the time: she gave what I was later told was the greatest mouth job ever to a bottle of Coke. And. I. Wasn’t. There.

  27. Funny, several years ago I uttered those exact words to my supervisor at Best Buy. Why? Because a man, completely naked, walked through the doors and proceeded straight through the media department. The security guys didn’t want to get near him and he wouldn’t leave without someone encouraging him toward the door. Obviously he was not all ther. In fact, he was probably high as a kite. By the way, I thought you should know, JaneyBGood of CupidOrCats stopped by my blog share party to pimp your blog. You’re more than welcome to join in the fun if you’d like… 🙂

  28. Funny, I’ve just been re-reading Jodi Picault’s latest about lesbians and frozen embryos! What are Mistresses Fate and Nature thinking of, I wonder! Happy CHristmas too – bit late I know but you know what they say.

  29. curvyroads says:

    Hook, I am starting out the year with a “sky’s the limit” attitude, so I will just say that karma will bring you something even better… 🙂

  30. Irish lesbians and The Hook missed it. Perhaps you will have a second chance on St.Paddy’s Day.

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