This is me breaking my vow to never blog angry.

This rant comes to you courtesy of my addled brain and the snapping of my last nerve..

The hotel lobby is filled with construction workers buzzing about like mentally unstable bees with coffee cups in one hand and  cell phones in the other. Their machines are filling the frigid air with a cacophony of noises. Their “efforts” have given Jack Frost free reign over what was once my domain and let me tell you, he’s making the most of it.

My fingers are aching, my nose is running faster than a Kardashian when someone opens a book and my head is numb. I’m not merely cold, I’m miserable.

Now I know what a penguin must feel like. A penguin must feel like ending it all on a daily basis, but he can’t. He has no opposable thumbs and besides, getting a piece is impossible when you have no means of achieving gainful employment.  He can swim so he can’t drown himself. He could try jumping from an iceberg, but his aerodynamic form just slides down safely.

In short, penguins are slaves to their nature. As am I.

I’d ask someone to shoot me but the gun probably wouldn’t fire in this Arctic air.

Oh well, I’ll be free soon. Think I’ll go home and pour hot soup on my crotch.

Have a pleasant day, my friends.


About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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80 Responses to This is me breaking my vow to never blog angry.

  1. Maybe if we all send warmmmmmmmmm thoughts your way. Probably not. Are you allowed to have some space heaters behind the desk? Maybe if you all haul in one of those big industrial containers and start breaking up furniture to burn in it like they do on the picket lines they will get the hint. In the mean time I think it might be against the law to have your workspace that cold. OK. I’m out of any ideas for now.

  2. List of X says:

    At least penguins can huddle in groups to protect themselves from the cold. Do you think if would be too weird if you and your co-workers do the same?

  3. Diane C says:

    Maybe someone should be making an anonymous phone call to Workers’ Comp. Sounds like unsafe working conditions to me!

  4. No fun…. No fun indeed, my friend. If you can’t have a heater or something near by then this calls for a bottle of vodka / whiskey / cognac! Take care please!

  5. yaykisspurr says:

    You even make being cold fun. Haha.

  6. I wish I could send some of the soup I just made for your netherbits!! Chin up my friend….and please don’t go postal in the lobby. 🙂

  7. One word of advice: Keep your gazebos as warm as possible. IYKWIMAITYD.

  8. Lindsay says:

    Sounds absolutely miserable. If they can’t get you space heaters (I imagine some fool haphazardly tripping on one and suing the hotel), then methinks you need to cash in some of your sick days until this construction is over. If that’s not possible, then tell me where you are and I’ll deliver some chicken soup and hot chocolate!

  9. Sit on your “eggs”, man, it’s less messy than soup. 🙂

  10. ” my nose is running faster than a Kardashian when someone opens a book .” what a line. I feel your pain. Nice post

  11. levantine says:

    when I’m in such situation I try to convince my self that it’s all in my brain, cold , pain , and hot , all senses are in our brain . but yet i couldn’t reach that level of concentration to stop my senses, not yet

  12. This sort of chillin’ is no good. One of those down sleeping bags with holes cut for arms and feet?
    If you’re this miserable, I can’t imagine how the less hardy desk crew is managing. Guests?What’s with management? Trying to kill off the staff? Are they issuing ski underwear as part of the uniforms?
    Sleeping bag “pita wraps” for everyone – to make a point. (Chicken soup! Lots of Chinese Hot and Sour soup!)

  13. bardictale says:

    What size do you wear? I think I can find a full body suit somewhere…will they let you work not in uniform just this once?

  14. Sorry the day sucks. 😦

  15. bfg666 says:

    “my nose is running faster than a Kardashian when someone opens a book”

    XD That was priceless! Man, I don’t know how you manage to keep your sense of humor under these dire circumstances.

  16. tammyarlidge says:

    Aw Hook. What a bummer. But enough is enough. Renovations in perfect sunny weather are painful. In frigid weather? A true test of the soul. Like everything, this too shall pass (eventually). Hang in there and feel free to vent! That’s why we’re here!

  17. Minestrone is the best one for this

  18. Aussa Lorens says:

    You just described my perfect nightmare– I’m sorry you’re so cold! Ah, get thee some whiskey!
    Also: I think you’re right that penguins probably want to off themselves. I mean– have you SEEN “March of the Penguins?” That has to be the most depressing movie ever made. If I were a penguin I would locate the nearest Killer Whale and do a nose dive into it’s pathway.
    That was dark. But I just felt the need to express myself.

  19. “my nose is running faster than a Kardashian when someone opens a book .” Oh, that got a big hearty laugh!! Hopefully those renovations will get done ahead of schedule and you will not have to endure the elements too much longer. Sending WARM wishes your way.

  20. Katie says:

    That sounds miserable, but I have a new respect for penguins. Keep warm!

  21. Nikitaland says:

    I did not think a Kardashian could run? They would hire someone to do the running for them. Stay warm Hook! How about getting yourself some of those heated socks & glove inserts to keep you warm! If not, a bit of some alcohol would at least warm your spirits!

  22. MissFourEyes says:

    That sounds terrible, partner. Stay warm! *warm hugs*
    Btw, you’ve given me an all new respect for penguins.

  23. kewsmith says:

    I hope today is brighter!

  24. Author Catherine Townsend-Lyon says:

    The many employment woes we put up with! Instead of Soup On Crotch, take a Hot bath, drink a Hot Tottie, take some Excedrin, and Call Me in the Morning!!…Lol…*Catherine* XOXO 🙂

  25. Littlesundog says:

    When in misery, vows are meant to be broken. I discovered this tidbit of information during my first divorce. LOL I hope you find some relief real soon, my friend!

  26. EleneSallinger says:

    I hope you warmed up appropriately 🙂

    All the best to you and yours!

  27. Gede Prama says:

    Amazing and thank you friend, there are many inspirational articles

  28. likeitiz says:

    Why in heavens name would they decide to do this kind of construction now when it’s cold like this? I know. I know. You’re in between the holidays and your peak periods are when it’s warm in Niagara. But, really, they don’t even provide space heaters! How many more days of this? I hope it’s some simple repair or something. Nothing that takes too long. We feel for ya!

  29. The Guat says:

    Sorry to hear it’s so miser able out there. Sometimes you have to break your writer vows to make you feel a little better. I know I’ve broken that this year, for sure. And sometimes it feels better to rant and let it out. Other times I guess a bowl of hot soup on the crotch could work too. Maybe try a shot of tequila first 🙂

  30. Pingback: Group Therapy: November’s Top Comments « HACKER. NINJA. HOOKER. SPY.

  31. I hope things will soon warm up for you again. Doesn’t sound like much fun being a penguin. Despite you feeling miserable it’s good to be back here, it’s been some times since I last visit your blog (just been too busy – but no excuse). I hope the hot soup made you feel better – and I hope you are otherwise feeling good!

  32. Shelburbia says:

    Its so cold its even snowing on your blog. Is that snow?

  33. Fresh Ginger says:

    I hated working in hospitality during the holidays. Everyone starts to act more stupid than normal. Hopefully, it’s a good tip day. 🙂 That’s about all that got me through it.

  34. mollytopia says:

    Bahahaha “Think I’ll go home and pour hot soup on my crotch.” Hilarious. Great post. But I’m sorry you’re feeling like crap. Even though it was funny.

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