This rant comes to you courtesy of my addled brain and the snapping of my last nerve..
The hotel lobby is filled with construction workers buzzing about like mentally unstable bees with coffee cups in one hand and cell phones in the other. Their machines are filling the frigid air with a cacophony of noises. Their “efforts” have given Jack Frost free reign over what was once my domain and let me tell you, he’s making the most of it.
My fingers are aching, my nose is running faster than a Kardashian when someone opens a book and my head is numb. I’m not merely cold, I’m miserable.
Now I know what a penguin must feel like. A penguin must feel like ending it all on a daily basis, but he can’t. He has no opposable thumbs and besides, getting a piece is impossible when you have no means of achieving gainful employment. He can swim so he can’t drown himself. He could try jumping from an iceberg, but his aerodynamic form just slides down safely.
In short, penguins are slaves to their nature. As am I.
I’d ask someone to shoot me but the gun probably wouldn’t fire in this Arctic air.
Oh well, I’ll be free soon. Think I’ll go home and pour hot soup on my crotch.
Have a pleasant day, my friends.
Maybe if we all send warmmmmmmmmm thoughts your way. Probably not. Are you allowed to have some space heaters behind the desk? Maybe if you all haul in one of those big industrial containers and start breaking up furniture to burn in it like they do on the picket lines they will get the hint. In the mean time I think it might be against the law to have your workspace that cold. OK. I’m out of any ideas for now.
But your ideas rule! Well done, Michelle!
At least penguins can huddle in groups to protect themselves from the cold. Do you think if would be too weird if you and your co-workers do the same?
Maybe someone should be making an anonymous phone call to Workers’ Comp. Sounds like unsafe working conditions to me!
Unfortunately such actions only bring more trouble, Diane.
I’ll survive somehow, I always do.
No fun…. No fun indeed, my friend. If you can’t have a heater or something near by then this calls for a bottle of vodka / whiskey / cognac! Take care please!
Can you imagine what I’d be like drunk, Marina?
You even make being cold fun. Haha.
I do what I can. Thanks!
I wish I could send some of the soup I just made for your netherbits!! Chin up my friend….and please don’t go postal in the lobby. 🙂
Blogging therapy helps, thanks.
One word of advice: Keep your gazebos as warm as possible. IYKWIMAITYD.
I’m trying, trust me!
Sounds absolutely miserable. If they can’t get you space heaters (I imagine some fool haphazardly tripping on one and suing the hotel), then methinks you need to cash in some of your sick days until this construction is over. If that’s not possible, then tell me where you are and I’ll deliver some chicken soup and hot chocolate!
That would be awesome!
Sit on your “eggs”, man, it’s less messy than soup. 🙂
You’re always so helpful. Thanks, buddy.
” my nose is running faster than a Kardashian when someone opens a book .” what a line. I feel your pain. Nice post
Thanks, John. Exhaustion brought on by hypothermia is good for the creative engine, it appears.
when I’m in such situation I try to convince my self that it’s all in my brain, cold , pain , and hot , all senses are in our brain . but yet i couldn’t reach that level of concentration to stop my senses, not yet
Let me know if you make a breakthrough.
This sort of chillin’ is no good. One of those down sleeping bags with holes cut for arms and feet?
If you’re this miserable, I can’t imagine how the less hardy desk crew is managing. Guests?What’s with management? Trying to kill off the staff? Are they issuing ski underwear as part of the uniforms?
Sleeping bag “pita wraps” for everyone – to make a point. (Chicken soup! Lots of Chinese Hot and Sour soup!)
Management means well, but this mess is beyond them, I’m afraid.
I’ll survive, I simply snapped and this post was cheap therapy.
That’s what we’re here for. Everyone is tired of feeling powerless. Hang in there. Vampire Lover and Adorable daughter appreciate it.
What size do you wear? I think I can find a full body suit somewhere…will they let you work not in uniform just this once?
I wore a toque through my entire shift, but that’s all I can get away with unfortunately!
Darn it…I’ll pray for a heat wave then.
Or for the deconstruction workers to finish their job. Stay strong, my friend.
Sorry the day sucks. 😦
Me to, but I’m sitting at home in a warm living room and the day is but a memory – one I have to relive tomorrow, unfortunately….
At least you’ve got tonight!
“my nose is running faster than a Kardashian when someone opens a book”
XD That was priceless! Man, I don’t know how you manage to keep your sense of humor under these dire circumstances.
That makes two of us.
Aw Hook. What a bummer. But enough is enough. Renovations in perfect sunny weather are painful. In frigid weather? A true test of the soul. Like everything, this too shall pass (eventually). Hang in there and feel free to vent! That’s why we’re here!
And thank God you are!
Friends like you are a lifeline!
Minestrone is the best one for this
You never fail to come through, Jim.
You just described my perfect nightmare– I’m sorry you’re so cold! Ah, get thee some whiskey!
Also: I think you’re right that penguins probably want to off themselves. I mean– have you SEEN “March of the Penguins?” That has to be the most depressing movie ever made. If I were a penguin I would locate the nearest Killer Whale and do a nose dive into it’s pathway.
That was dark. But I just felt the need to express myself.
And I’m glad you did!
I have to whip up 5 questions for you so you can get even darker!
I’m glad you feel that way because your 5 questions should have reached your inbox by now!
Aha, sweet! Okay I will actually brave that app at the bottom of the screen with the incredibly daunting number of pending notifications!
“my nose is running faster than a Kardashian when someone opens a book .” Oh, that got a big hearty laugh!! Hopefully those renovations will get done ahead of schedule and you will not have to endure the elements too much longer. Sending WARM wishes your way.
I can feel them already.
That sounds miserable, but I have a new respect for penguins. Keep warm!
I’m doing my best, but I need to channel the Human Torch’s abilities for maximum comfort.
I did not think a Kardashian could run? They would hire someone to do the running for them. Stay warm Hook! How about getting yourself some of those heated socks & glove inserts to keep you warm! If not, a bit of some alcohol would at least warm your spirits!
Everyone appears to be urging me to turn to the bottle for solace, but I don’t drink out of respect for others. I’d be a disaster on two legs if I drank!
I first suggested you get hand warmers, does that count?
That sounds terrible, partner. Stay warm! *warm hugs*
Btw, you’ve given me an all new respect for penguins.
By the way, your post is set to go for next Wednesday (Dec. 4), so be ready to take the blogosphere by storm!
Can’t wait, partner 😉
That makes two of us!
I hope today is brighter!
My lobby is still frozen but I’m coping better, thanks.
The many employment woes we put up with! Instead of Soup On Crotch, take a Hot bath, drink a Hot Tottie, take some Excedrin, and Call Me in the Morning!!…Lol…*Catherine* XOXO 🙂
🙂 ….us Women know BEST! 🙂
You won’t get any argument from me on that point!
When in misery, vows are meant to be broken. I discovered this tidbit of information during my first divorce. LOL I hope you find some relief real soon, my friend!
I need a layer of protective fur like your many friends!
I hope you warmed up appropriately 🙂
All the best to you and yours!
I did – once I got home, that is!
Amazing and thank you friend, there are many inspirational articles
I do what I can to lead people to enlightenment…. in my own way, of course.
Why in heavens name would they decide to do this kind of construction now when it’s cold like this? I know. I know. You’re in between the holidays and your peak periods are when it’s warm in Niagara. But, really, they don’t even provide space heaters! How many more days of this? I hope it’s some simple repair or something. Nothing that takes too long. We feel for ya!
And that alone warms my heart.
“Now?!” If I know my math, they’re at it since early September!
Sorry to hear it’s so miser able out there. Sometimes you have to break your writer vows to make you feel a little better. I know I’ve broken that this year, for sure. And sometimes it feels better to rant and let it out. Other times I guess a bowl of hot soup on the crotch could work too. Maybe try a shot of tequila first 🙂
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I hope things will soon warm up for you again. Doesn’t sound like much fun being a penguin. Despite you feeling miserable it’s good to be back here, it’s been some times since I last visit your blog (just been too busy – but no excuse). I hope the hot soup made you feel better – and I hope you are otherwise feeling good!
Its so cold its even snowing on your blog. Is that snow?
It is indeed, pretty lady.
I hated working in hospitality during the holidays. Everyone starts to act more stupid than normal. Hopefully, it’s a good tip day. 🙂 That’s about all that got me through it.
It’s what does it for me as well.
That, and the possibility of finding blog fodder!
the blog fodder is endless at a hotel … fo-sho
Bahahaha “Think I’ll go home and pour hot soup on my crotch.” Hilarious. Great post. But I’m sorry you’re feeling like crap. Even though it was funny.