This Rob Ford Mess Has Been Hard On Everyone. You Look Like You Could Use A Laugh…

In the midst of the relentless media storm that is the Rob Ford saga, there have actually been a few moments in my life that have served to remind me of the value of a good laugh.

The days have grown shorter as Old Man Winter strengthens his hold on Niagara and so many guest’s thoughts have turned to the “Big C” – and I don’t mean cancer.

“I imagine it gets pretty quiet around here at Christmas, right?” my latest foreign acquaintance inquired. He was a newly-arrived resident of the Great White North, having just emigrated from the Middle East and his children were looking forward to their first holiday season in their new home. His eight-year-old son was particularly, shall we say, energetic?

Truth be told, the little rugrat was literally bouncing off the walls with anticipation.

“What’s Santa like?” Just like a foreigner, assuming we all know each other.

“Well,” I began, fully prepared to take full advantage of the diminutive booger eater’s naïveté, “Everything you need to know has been fully documented already in the song.” 

Of course, his entire family had no idea just what I was talking about and so I found myself explaining the most famous Christmas lyrics of all time, making sure to spotlight a specific verse.

He sees you when you´re sleeping,
and he knows when you´re awake.
He knows if you’ve been bad or good,
so be good for goodness sake.

The young man’s eyes grew wide, like he had just swallowed a bottle of hot sauce – or seen Kim Kardashian without make-up.

“HE CAN SEE ME SLEEPING? OR ANY TIME HE WANTS? IS HE OBAMA?”

“It’s the perfect cover.” I replied in my best deadpan tone.

The true spirit of Christmas is subjective, kids. For me, it’s all about being a dick.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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47 Responses to This Rob Ford Mess Has Been Hard On Everyone. You Look Like You Could Use A Laugh…

  1. Brenda says:

    You evil doorman, you. LOL

  2. List of X says:

    Yeah… how come we never see Santa and Obama in the same room???

  3. He also gives “free” health care to all the good kids at Christmas.

    ReindeerCare for all and to all a good night!

  4. OMG Hook! You are so…. you – and we all love it. Hope you are taking good care.

    Cheers!
    Robyn / Woman

  5. Katie says:

    HA! How lucky you are to be able to mislead innocent children.

  6. bardictale says:

    And the legend of Santa lives on…I’m sure you’re on the nice list this year

  7. So Santa’s stalker aka Obama…

  8. Santa works for the NSA, obviously.

  9. Oh, I’m with you on that C!!! The children’s toys ads have already thriving!! 🙄

  10. More than an hour after reading this post and I am still singing that song. I’m thinking I owe you one, my friend.

  11. Oh Hook – dashing hopes at 3/hour.

  12. shimoniac says:

    The link between Obama and Santa is one of those things that’s so obvious in retrospect. I mean I never really thought about the lyric vs. the NSA. Does the ‘S’ in NSA stand for Santa? 😮 It’s blatant that Santa subcontracts his service to the NSA for big contractor dollars, I mean how else could he afford to give all those kids presents every year, even using cheap slave elf labor. Down with Santa.

  13. michd74 says:

    Very Sly Hook! You are an evil genius hahaha!! (Imagine that as an evil hahaha) 🙂

  14. Hala J. says:

    Heee, I love messing with kids. Good to know I’m not the only one. I was in the States a few weeks ago and my 8-year-old cousin was talking about Santa and I was teetering over saying how Santa was a lie to keep people from thinking about the underpaid workers in sweatshops in China. But I caught my uncle’s eye and realized the kid still believed…so I had to bite my tongue, almost literally. I never believed in Santa or any of his pals, having known from KG what people in costumes looked like. So it’s a little hard for me to keep up a charade with kids. Probably good i don’t have any of my own just yet.

  15. unfetteredbs says:

    Love love this.

  16. mairedubhtx says:

    You made me laugh!

  17. Well Hook, as you know, I’m a person in Recovery, so my feelings are Mixed to say the least. This is what Happens when people put faith in a person they REALLY have NO idea about. He is just another fallen human being that needs rehab to get his *SHIT* straightened out. When we are under the influence, people tend to act like DUMMYS……I hope he gets the help HE needs! Now the little boy…….THAT’S A WHOLE Other Bucket of Christmas Balls!!…LOL…*Catherine* xo

    • The Hook says:

      I have a feeling Ford will wind up in rehab soon.
      Or jail.
      Or the morgue.
      Thanks for weighing in, Catherine. You always bring something worthwhile to the party.

  18. jlheuer says:

    This morning on a news show I heard them say Ford had the perfect cover, no one would believe a Canadian could be that wild and crazy.

  19. That was just EVIL!

  20. Anna Palmer says:

    Yes. You have recognized the true spirit of Christmas. Even better you are spreading holiday cheer internationally. I applaud you.

  21. likeitiz says:

    Yes, the T. O. Mayor has been in the news a lot lately. I heard the papers are all begging him to resign. But is he sober or lucid enough to resign?

    As for the Santa song, that is brilliant! Love that one!

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