If you’ve been in a Twinkie-induced coma or have been living with Mole People in a subterranean metropolis, here is a link to get you up-to-date on this whole Mayor Rob Ford nuclear meltdown. A word of caution: you’ll be shaking your head for weeks after reading of this man’s crusade of self-destruction….
All caught up? Excellent, take a moment to drink of the cup of sanity and we will begin.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford,
You don’t know me, nor would you want to, truth be told; I’m not into football, drinking beer with shady characters before smoking crack and I actually have respect for homosexuals. In fact, I think lesbians are awesome!
You can call me The Hook. I am a life-long resident of Niagara Falls, Ontario, but I spent three years studying journalism in your fair city before coming home to serve my city’s many visitors as a bellman in a luxury hotel.
Let’s hear it for higher education and a strong Canadian economy.
On any other day, I would be writing about the tens of thousands of guests I serve, but today is different. Today I find myself compelled to weigh in on a scandal that has dominated the local, national and even global news. Today I find myself motivated to express my anger and disgust at the mess you’ve made of your office, your city and your life, Mayor Ford.
I visit Toronto whenever I can for comic book conventions, tapings of Steven and Chris and whatever excuse I can muster. My heart and loyalty belong to Niagara, but I love Toronto. We both do. In fact, you’re a married man, but as mayor, Toronto is your mistress, the one entity your wife has to share you with. For the greater good, of course.
So why are you hurting your mistress so deeply and publicly, Mayor Ford? As a matter of public record, the following truths are irrefutable.
You are a liar.
I do not use crack cocaine, nor am I an addict of crack cocaine. As for a video, I cannot comment on a video that I have never seen or does not exist. It is most unfortunate, very unfortunate, that my colleagues and the great people of this city have been exposed to the fact that I have been judged by the media without any evidence.
You are an alcoholic with substance abuse issues.
“Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine,” “[It was] probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably approximately about a year ago.”
You have become a joke and an embarrassment to your city.
Comedian John Stewart on the Ford scandal:
“You need help and I don’t mean help carrying a case of beer down in the basement so you can get drunk enough to smoke crack,” Stewart said. “You need help, help.”
He then spoke directly to Toronto residents.
“I heard that your mayor’s approval ratings went up after it came out that he smoked crack,” he said. “You know what that makes you as a city Toronto? Enablers, eh.”
You abandon public commitments such as a weekly weigh-in:
“I don’t care about the weigh-in, I’m not even dieting anymore.”
In short, Mayor Ford, you are weak and manipulative. You appear to be a bully, overflowing with bluster, but short of honor and courage. Weakness and addiction are nothing to be ashamed of, but months of denying your true nature may have irreparable damaged your credibility, to say nothing of the reputation of your city. This is what happened when I typed “Toronto” into Bing’s search engine.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has admitted to smoking crack cocaine. Speaking to reporters at Toronto City Hall on Tuesday, Ford said that he’s smoked in the past,…
How much longer can this go on, Mayor Ford? I hate to sound like an after school special, but what about your children? I assume they have electronic devices. Or watch the news. Or have friends. If you refuse to care about how you appear to the people who elected you or the world in general, then what about your family?
I am a father. I would rather be dead than have to face my daughter when the entire world thinks I’m a liar, a cheat, a joke.
I know that somewhere underneath those many layers of arrogance, beer, and bluster, there beats the soul of a good man whose intentions for his city are good. I implore, you Mayor Ford, do whatever you have to, but put that man back in control.
You don’t give a damn what I think, I know, but ponder this: When was the last time the media reported a story about you that spotlighted a positive reaction for the city of Toronto? You take great delight in reminding people you were elected to do a job, Mayor Ford.
But you can’t do that job today, can you? Your actions have nullified your ability to govern. It is time to do something about that, Mayor Ford.