(At least, I hope they would have.)
TEN REASONS WHY MY DAY HAS BEEN A TOTAL TRAIN WRECK.
And I don’t mean a Robin Thicke VMA performance wreck, I mean a true “locomotive completely off the rails in an orgy of incompetence and violence”, wreck.
1) The phones have been malfunctioning. You can’t call out. You can’t make a dinner reservation for a guest. You can’t call for help. I’m trapped like a rat in a stuffy uniform, running a maze with no exit or even cheese.
2) It’s been raining. Tears from Heaven trigger anxiety and anger in the average guest. And guess who they direct their frustration at?
3) The Front Desk computers have been malfunctioning. If people are unable to get checked in, they have no choice but to store their luggage with yours truly. I wouldn’t mind, if I had the time and space to deal with hundreds of extra bags. But I don’t.
4) The elevators have been malfunctioning. Technology hates me.
5) We’re running two bellmen short. One is on vacation. The other called in sick, and let me tell you, he better be dead….
6) It has been ridiculously humid in Niagara Falls today. In spite of the rain, the weather has been sticky beyond belief. Can you say “swamp ass”?
7) Three brand inspectors are due in tonight. And of course, no one took the time to tell any of us line workers about their imminent arrival. Hotels hit the “Condition Red” button when inspectors arrive and someone always drops the ball when it comes to communication. Trust me, ignorance is not actually bliss….
8) The pace has been relentless. First the departing horde hit us. HARD. Then the arriving horde took over. My lunch consisted of two parts: 1) Fries choked down during a departure and 2) A burger swallowed in two bites during an arrival. I took the soft drink intravenously. No rest for the wicked, indeed.
9) Robin Thicke isn’t the only one with a knack for angering the fairer of the species, it seems. Fate placed me in the path of every angry, sexually frustrated, misunderstood, hungry, and just plain mean female staying in the hotel today. The funny things is, we’ve had three buzzing bags in the back room. And they weren’t electric toothbrushes….
10) We had an unexpected visit from a twenty-nine room bus. I wanted a candygram – the wife would have killed me if a strippergram ever arrived, so I don’t even bother wishing for one – but no, I got a twenty-nine room bus. And of course, it arrived as all H-E-Double Hockey Sticks was breaking loose. And it was raining. HARD. They say waiting builds character. Let me tell you, my friends, there is a bus tour consisting of fifty-three pillars of society staying in the hotel tonight….
And that was my day in a cracked nutshell.
How was yours?