This is Not a Post, This is my Version of a Temper Tantrum…

“What’s going on, Hook?” you ask, hoping that you have been deceived and this message contains another tale of travelers gone wild in Niagara Falls, a place that serves as a testament to how much money you can make by building a city around a giant hole in the ground containing running water.

Well, since you’re all very nice people – with a few exceptions, of course – I’ll tell you.

This is a brief rant born of exhaustion – the hour is insufferably early, friends – and nerdrific frustration.

Fan Expo has begun.

For those of us who pray at the altar of comic book fandom, Fan Expo is the equivalent of Heaven on Earth.

Scratch that, Fan Expo is waaaaay cooler than Heaven.

They free swag. They have Stan Lee, Alice Cooper, Chumlee, Nathan Fillion, and Bobby Hull. They have every obscure comic/trinket/nerdy whatchamacallit. In one building.

Of course, there’s one thing they don’t have.


I’m here, where I always am, serving a largely ungrateful traveling public, many of whom smell like cheese and failed dreams.

But I’m not bitter.

I have a pile of bills higher than your dog that require payment. I have a mini-van that may or may not be dying a slow, painful death, depending on which mechanical assessment I choose to believe. I have solid, valid, mature reasons for not attending the coolest event of the year, by my estimation at least. Which is the only one that counts, of course.

And all those reasons suck.

I’m bummed.

Have a great weekend, friends. I have Saturday off, but I’ll be engaged in household chores that I’ve put off for far too long.

Can you imagine how happy I’ll be while swinging a real hammer rather than a replica of Thor’s?

(And yes, a straight man can mention hammers without it having a hidden context, so top giggling!)

This sucks.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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78 Responses to This is Not a Post, This is my Version of a Temper Tantrum…

  1. The Cutter says:

    So why not just use a replica Thor hammer to do your hammering? Best of both worlds!

  2. Chanel No. 6: Cheese and Failed Dreams. Love that line. I’m sorry for your situation but you do rant with finesse, so I kind of enjoyed that.

    • The Hook says:

      And I enjoy hearing of your enjoyment, so we’re both winners.
      (Well, to be clear, you are, I suck because I’m missing Fan Expo.)

  3. I Am Jasmine Kyle says:

    HA AWAH My favorite part ” many of whom smell like cheese and failed dreams” HAHA
    Your misery is HILARIOUS!

  4. Thud. that’s me falling into a culture gap. Hammers? What’s wrong with that word.
    Not a big comics fan, but I’d like to meet Stan Lee. I was a Marvel fan when I was about 9 or 10. Hated DC.

  5. I hear ya some people may have pushed tourists in that giant hole to vent out..but hey not you…Ranting is good it flushes out the toxins. let me see if I can send you a powerful Thor hammer from here.

  6. Michael says:

    By the way, have you heard the news that Ben Affleck is going to play the next Batman? Dear oh dear.

  7. I took my youngest daughter one summer to fan expo,,it scared the hell out of her!

  8. Katie says:

    I imagine you’re feeling how I felt when Jay Z and Justin Timberlake were in Chicago, and instead of sitting front row, I was sitting in front of the TV eating Funyuns judiciously and watching Honey Boo Boo.

    I feel your pain.

  9. I hate people that smell like cheese.

  10. lidipiri says:

    Just to be clear… I liked the post and not that you are bummed. In San Diego there is the madness of ComicCon.

  11. Sometimes growning up really sucks ass. I can’t believe I wanted to do it so badly when I was a kid. While I outgrew comic books long ago, I feel your pain. I bet the event isn’t going to be as epic as you think though. Tell yourself that at least.

  12. mairedubhtx says:

    I’m so sorry. Sometimes a rant and a tantrum can be theraputic. Go for it.

  13. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Wow, I didn’t even pick up on the hammer sub-text until you mentioned it first. Thanks so much for that. The “Swing a hammer to help Habitat for Humanity” will never be the same to me again.

  14. The mini-van is dying a slow, painful death–very funny!

  15. Life is so cruel. And unfair – the coolest of them all not allowed to venture forth.
    All this ranting could be such a graphic novel episode….in future years the Expo could be begging you to attend for meeting and greeting fans….seriously – ask around who illustrates in graphic style – you have the stories, just need the pixs – don’t want your daughter to beat you to it?)
    Mull it over during the drudgery? (and I do sympathize – life is so interrupting)

    • The Hook says:

      Finding an artist willing to take on such a task for peanuts is no easy task, trust me.
      On the bright side, Sarah has found an artist and new pieces for her books are being produced as we virtually speak. Exciting, isn’t it?

  16. We have a mini-sledge-hammer — that’s kind of fun for “getting things done”
    Oh, and I don’t have a dog — our cat’s pretty short, though… 😉 (I toOOotally feel your pain on the mountain of bills…)

  17. Well, look at it this way, THEY may have all these people over at the FUNEXPO but WE have the privilege of being guests of THE HOOKEXPO! 🙂

  18. michd74 says:

    Next year you need to go, no acceptable solutions. Slash is at the Fan Expo too promoting his new movie!! Since you can’t go maybe something REALLY exciting will happen at the hotel, fingers crossed.

  19. julespaige says:

    Yeah I know about bills and hammers. We are getting a mild kitchen remake/reface. Our home (over 35 years old) was built with an apartment stove and while removing some stupid mock paneling from the top of the cabinets to the ceiling, found a hole in the ceiling and illegal wiring.

    Top that with the tree that fell that in the part of the neighbors yard (the part that is hardly every used…) that they wanted removed, even thought they know the pros won’t come in until winter…so without a working chain saw we’ve been clipping and hack-sawing away at to save the already dead grass…

    Then finding ground wasps… that are supposed to be beneficial but are really scary looking…

    At least the newest family member, a little miss is gaining weight…and Great Grandmothers will all their ills are still around. And the younger of our flown the coop nestlings has gotten engaged.

    Make lemonade. And count your blessings. Sorry though that you can’t attend the expo.
    Wishing you cheer from my little corner of the world.

    Hugs, Jules

  20. I can relate, sorry your bummed. 😦

  21. Jennifer says:

    I have no idea what you mean about hammers, but i like a man who can swing one, which may sound really wrong, i don’t know….
    and i feel the pain on the slow dying vehicle, there’s nothing worse.

  22. Robyn says:

    I save my travel days for Comic Con, but I feel your pain here . . .

  23. bardictale says:

    Aw man…tantrum away Hook. And while you’re at it, can I join in?

    On the brightish side, at least you get to weild a real hammer, unlike Marvel’s resident Ken Doll^^

  24. Bob Lee says:

    Oh Hook … life’s a b^tch at times – just like – hey – WordPress shut down my Blog over at the Real Facts. I can relate to everything (well almost everything) you’ve posted. Have your temper tantrum – you’re allowed – if you don’t have them (or at least vent) you’ll have a straight jacket wrapped around you and you’ll be the one smelling like cheese … and we don’t want that – Bob

    • The Hook says:

      Thanks, Bob.
      Sorry about your blog. Why would they shut you down? You were doing great work!

      • Bob Lee says:

        They said I was in violation of their policies? I asked them again why and they just shut everything down. Can’t figure it out but … life is what it is. You’d think that after 4 years they’d at least have the decency to let me know. All they did was send an Upgrade to their premium service? Go figure. Trying to find all my friends is turning out to be a real feat, but – I’m getting it done when I’ve got the time. Thanks for replying. Hope all is well – I wish my temper tantrums were so civilized … lol – Talk later my friend

  25. All work and no play Hook? That does suck…

  26. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Damn, that sucks 😦 No cosplay for the Hook this time huh!


  27. Author Catherine Townsend-Lyon says:

    MAN! 71 comments and I’m in the back of the LINE!! You won’t even see ME!….LOL…WELL, HHHMMMM…..That’s what happens when you GET Married!! SHIT HAPPENS!…lol….I feel for you BUDDY….Another good post, BUT….next I bet your complain about not being able to go the *STAR WARS EXPO!!??*…….At least your not packing and Moving to another STATE like me.
    GOD never said “You always GET what you Want”……Look on the Bright side, you’ll get LOADS OF TIPS to pay the off the STACK of Bills…LOL….Hugs & Blessings Hook!
    *Author, Catherine Lyon* 🙂 xxoo

  28. I am sad you were unable to make it to the EXPO. Poor Hook.
    Of course, knowing that one of your superpowers is your ability to bounce back from anything, you are probably already over it.

    • The Hook says:

      I sure am, Michelle. Especially after having a chat or two with friends who made it; they were overcome by the crowds, lines and high prices.
      I may have dodged a bullet!

  29. My new favourite word is “nerdrific.” Seriously, I think you should copyright it.

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