This is Not a Post, This is my Version of a Temper Tantrum…

“What’s going on, Hook?” you ask, hoping that you have been deceived and this message contains another tale of travelers gone wild in Niagara Falls, a place that serves as a testament to how much money you can make by building a city around a giant hole in the ground containing running water.

Well, since you’re all very nice people – with a few exceptions, of course – I’ll tell you.

This is a brief rant born of exhaustion – the hour is insufferably early, friends – and nerdrific frustration.

Fan Expo has begun.

For those of us who pray at the altar of comic book fandom, Fan Expo is the equivalent of Heaven on Earth.

Scratch that, Fan Expo is waaaaay cooler than Heaven.

They free swag. They have Stan Lee, Alice Cooper, Chumlee, Nathan Fillion, and Bobby Hull. They have every obscure comic/trinket/nerdy whatchamacallit. In one building.

Of course, there’s one thing they don’t have.

Me.

I’m here, where I always am, serving a largely ungrateful traveling public, many of whom smell like cheese and failed dreams.

But I’m not bitter.

I have a pile of bills higher than your dog that require payment. I have a mini-van that may or may not be dying a slow, painful death, depending on which mechanical assessment I choose to believe. I have solid, valid, mature reasons for not attending the coolest event of the year, by my estimation at least. Which is the only one that counts, of course.

And all those reasons suck.

I’m bummed.

Have a great weekend, friends. I have Saturday off, but I’ll be engaged in household chores that I’ve put off for far too long.

Can you imagine how happy I’ll be while swinging a real hammer rather than a replica of Thor’s?

(And yes, a straight man can mention hammers without it having a hidden context, so top giggling!)

This sucks.