“What’s going on, Hook?” you ask, hoping that you have been deceived and this message contains another tale of travelers gone wild in Niagara Falls, a place that serves as a testament to how much money you can make by building a city around a giant hole in the ground containing running water.
Well, since you’re all very nice people – with a few exceptions, of course – I’ll tell you.
This is a brief rant born of exhaustion – the hour is insufferably early, friends – and nerdrific frustration.
Fan Expo has begun.
For those of us who pray at the altar of comic book fandom, Fan Expo is the equivalent of Heaven on Earth.
Scratch that, Fan Expo is waaaaay cooler than Heaven.
They free swag. They have Stan Lee, Alice Cooper, Chumlee, Nathan Fillion, and Bobby Hull. They have every obscure comic/trinket/nerdy whatchamacallit. In one building.
Of course, there’s one thing they don’t have.
Me.
I’m here, where I always am, serving a largely ungrateful traveling public, many of whom smell like cheese and failed dreams.
But I’m not bitter.
I have a pile of bills higher than your dog that require payment. I have a mini-van that may or may not be dying a slow, painful death, depending on which mechanical assessment I choose to believe. I have solid, valid, mature reasons for not attending the coolest event of the year, by my estimation at least. Which is the only one that counts, of course.
And all those reasons suck.
I’m bummed.
Have a great weekend, friends. I have Saturday off, but I’ll be engaged in household chores that I’ve put off for far too long.
Can you imagine how happy I’ll be while swinging a real hammer rather than a replica of Thor’s?
(And yes, a straight man can mention hammers without it having a hidden context, so top giggling!)
This sucks.
So why not just use a replica Thor hammer to do your hammering? Best of both worlds!
Replicas are made of plastic or rubber. Great for indulging in fanboy play. Not good for housework.
I’m sure there’s a replica out there that’s made of sturdier material. OR…you could make one yourself!
But I’m not handy! That’s why I’ve put the housework off for so long!
Chanel No. 6: Cheese and Failed Dreams. Love that line. I’m sorry for your situation but you do rant with finesse, so I kind of enjoyed that.
And I enjoy hearing of your enjoyment, so we’re both winners.
(Well, to be clear, you are, I suck because I’m missing Fan Expo.)
HA AWAH My favorite part ” many of whom smell like cheese and failed dreams” HAHA
Your misery is HILARIOUS!
You remind me of Stewie, “Your suffering pleases me.”
Thanks for interrupting my misery by making me smile.
No go on mortal and make me a sandwitch!
Nice!
Thud. that’s me falling into a culture gap. Hammers? What’s wrong with that word.
Not a big comics fan, but I’d like to meet Stan Lee. I was a Marvel fan when I was about 9 or 10. Hated DC.
I love DC, but I understand. Excelsior!
I still don’t understand the reference to hammers…
😦
I hear ya some people may have pushed tourists in that giant hole to vent out..but hey not you…Ranting is good it flushes out the toxins. let me see if I can send you a powerful Thor hammer from here.
Thanks for being a great super-heroine, Soma.
By the way, have you heard the news that Ben Affleck is going to play the next Batman? Dear oh dear.
I just heard! Have the execs forgotten “Daredevil” already?
Because I know the fans haven’t….
I took my youngest daughter one summer to fan expo,,it scared the hell out of her!
I can see that. My daughter hates the horror section of fan Expo; scares the willies out of her too!
I imagine you’re feeling how I felt when Jay Z and Justin Timberlake were in Chicago, and instead of sitting front row, I was sitting in front of the TV eating Funyuns judiciously and watching Honey Boo Boo.
I feel your pain.
At least you feel my pain. That helps. Thanks, Katie.
I hate people that smell like cheese.
You and me both, buddy.
Just to be clear… I liked the post and not that you are bummed. In San Diego there is the madness of ComicCon.
I’d love to be infected with that madness!
Sometimes growning up really sucks ass. I can’t believe I wanted to do it so badly when I was a kid. While I outgrew comic books long ago, I feel your pain. I bet the event isn’t going to be as epic as you think though. Tell yourself that at least.
Will do. I hope I believe myself.
I’m so sorry. Sometimes a rant and a tantrum can be theraputic. Go for it.
Oh don’t worry, I will!
Wow, I didn’t even pick up on the hammer sub-text until you mentioned it first. Thanks so much for that. The “Swing a hammer to help Habitat for Humanity” will never be the same to me again.
Well, at least you’ll be smiling!
The mini-van is dying a slow, painful death–very funny!
Truth is funnier than fiction at times, Professor.
Life is so cruel. And unfair – the coolest of them all not allowed to venture forth.
All this ranting could be such a graphic novel episode….in future years the Expo could be begging you to attend for meeting and greeting fans….seriously – ask around who illustrates in graphic style – you have the stories, just need the pixs – don’t want your daughter to beat you to it?)
Mull it over during the drudgery? (and I do sympathize – life is so interrupting)
Finding an artist willing to take on such a task for peanuts is no easy task, trust me.
On the bright side, Sarah has found an artist and new pieces for her books are being produced as we virtually speak. Exciting, isn’t it?
So true, trying to track down a graphic novel artist/producer I used to work with in San Antonio…somewhere out there is the perfect match.
Go Sarah! Nice happy dance to start the weekend
Sarah thanks you!
We have a mini-sledge-hammer — that’s kind of fun for “getting things done”
Oh, and I don’t have a dog — our cat’s pretty short, though… 😉 (I toOOotally feel your pain on the mountain of bills…)
Thank you, my friend. You always bring a smile to my weary face!
Awwww! Thanks, Hook! You ALWAYS make me smile
I am totally sorry that you can’t go to to FanExpo… On top of if will you also be “dealing with” some of the fans at YOUR hotel? That would be an even bigger drag!
It would indeed!
Well, look at it this way, THEY may have all these people over at the FUNEXPO but WE have the privilege of being guests of THE HOOKEXPO! 🙂
The best part of my expo?
No lines or charges and the whackos are all virtual!
😉
Next year you need to go, no acceptable solutions. Slash is at the Fan Expo too promoting his new movie!! Since you can’t go maybe something REALLY exciting will happen at the hotel, fingers crossed.
I meant no acceptable excuses, not solutions. Damn fingers and brain don’t communicate very well!!
No problem, Michelle. You were excited about Slash!
Yeah I know about bills and hammers. We are getting a mild kitchen remake/reface. Our home (over 35 years old) was built with an apartment stove and while removing some stupid mock paneling from the top of the cabinets to the ceiling, found a hole in the ceiling and illegal wiring.
Top that with the tree that fell that in the part of the neighbors yard (the part that is hardly every used…) that they wanted removed, even thought they know the pros won’t come in until winter…so without a working chain saw we’ve been clipping and hack-sawing away at to save the already dead grass…
Then finding ground wasps… that are supposed to be beneficial but are really scary looking…
At least the newest family member, a little miss is gaining weight…and Great Grandmothers will all their ills are still around. And the younger of our flown the coop nestlings has gotten engaged.
Make lemonade. And count your blessings. Sorry though that you can’t attend the expo.
Wishing you cheer from my little corner of the world.
Hugs, Jules
I think you’re the one in need of a hug, Jules…
Thank you for brightening my day. Good luck with the renos, wasps and neighbors. I’ll say a prayer for brighter days, Jules!
🙂 Hugs all around then!
I can relate, sorry your bummed. 😦
Thanks, but I’ll get over it – eventually!
i’m sure you will 🙂
I have no idea what you mean about hammers, but i like a man who can swing one, which may sound really wrong, i don’t know….
and i feel the pain on the slow dying vehicle, there’s nothing worse.
You’re hilarious, Jennifer! Thanks!
I save my travel days for Comic Con, but I feel your pain here . . .
Thanks, Robyn.
Wait, you attend Comic Con? Aww man…. I’m bummed again!
Aw man…tantrum away Hook. And while you’re at it, can I join in?
On the brightish side, at least you get to weild a real hammer, unlike Marvel’s resident Ken Doll^^
True. But Thor has more fun!
Maybe, but that has everything to do with his lack a thinking facility. Ditch your brain and you’ll have just as much fun as he has, if not more^^
I’m running on fumes as it is!
Have a few dozen cookies then. Always works^^
I love cookies!
Have a few dozen cookies then. Always works^^
Oh Hook … life’s a b^tch at times – just like – hey – WordPress shut down my Blog over at the Real Facts. I can relate to everything (well almost everything) you’ve posted. Have your temper tantrum – you’re allowed – if you don’t have them (or at least vent) you’ll have a straight jacket wrapped around you and you’ll be the one smelling like cheese … and we don’t want that – Bob
Thanks, Bob.
Sorry about your blog. Why would they shut you down? You were doing great work!
They said I was in violation of their policies? I asked them again why and they just shut everything down. Can’t figure it out but … life is what it is. You’d think that after 4 years they’d at least have the decency to let me know. All they did was send an Upgrade to their premium service? Go figure. Trying to find all my friends is turning out to be a real feat, but – I’m getting it done when I’ve got the time. Thanks for replying. Hope all is well – I wish my temper tantrums were so civilized … lol – Talk later my friend
All work and no play Hook? That does suck…
It sure does, Princess…
Damn, that sucks 😦 No cosplay for the Hook this time huh!
Rohan.
I don’t engage in cosplay, mate. I have to draw the line somewhere….
MAN! 71 comments and I’m in the back of the LINE!! You won’t even see ME!….LOL…WELL, HHHMMMM…..That’s what happens when you GET Married!! SHIT HAPPENS!…lol….I feel for you BUDDY….Another good post, BUT….next I bet your complain about not being able to go the *STAR WARS EXPO!!??*…….At least your not packing and Moving to another STATE like me.
GOD never said “You always GET what you Want”……Look on the Bright side, you’ll get LOADS OF TIPS to pay the off the STACK of Bills…LOL….Hugs & Blessings Hook!
*Author, Catherine Lyon* 🙂 xxoo
Thanks for the much-needed and appreciated perspective, my friend.
Boo…
You’re going to give me a heart attack. I’m getting old, you know!
I am sad you were unable to make it to the EXPO. Poor Hook.
Of course, knowing that one of your superpowers is your ability to bounce back from anything, you are probably already over it.
I sure am, Michelle. Especially after having a chat or two with friends who made it; they were overcome by the crowds, lines and high prices.
I may have dodged a bullet!
My new favourite word is “nerdrific.” Seriously, I think you should copyright it.