The Hook Isn’t Here Today, Please Leave A Message At The Nonexistent Beep.

No, I didn’t have that breakdown everyone’s been expecting for years, I’m guesting over at Daile’s blog.

The Wonder of Brisbane offered me the opportunity to sink her blog with my “unique” outlook on love, dating and whatever exists between the two, so how could I resist?

Tired of watching Honey Boo Boo reruns in your underwear while consuming giant blocks of cheese? (Not that you would ever do that. Have you seen how much they want for cheese these days? Even the Kardashinas wouldn’t eat it – if they didn’t consume the souls of virgins for sustenance, that is.) Bored with your life? On the verge of snapping and doing something crazy and illegal like ripping mattress tags from strangers’ homes? Here’s what you need to do:

  1. Click on the image below.
  2. Pick your socks up.  (They’re about to be knocked off your feet, folks! Lame, but funny nonetheless, right?)
  3. Thank me later.


Your instructions are complete. Follow them and smiles and laughter will be yours all day long.

I hope.

Enjoy your day, folks. Until we meet again, see you in the lobby…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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22 Responses to The Hook Isn’t Here Today, Please Leave A Message At The Nonexistent Beep.

  1. Daile says:

    Thank you firstly for the photo choice. You are representing me well and increasing my chances of finding a husband xx

    • The Hook says:

      I deliberated long and hard (stop snickering!) about the photo selection, but ultimately, I had to choose a photo that fit two criteria:
      1) It had to display your self-deprecating humor and innate whimsy.
      2) It had to be goofy enough to keep the wife from blurting out “Who is this pretty girl on your blog?”, while grabbing me by the back of the head.
      I stand by my choice.
      Thanks again for the chance to guest post, Daile.

  2. So I guess this means you are … of the hook?
    I will check it out.

  3. It’d be cool if we met in the elevator, though…

  4. Great list! Awesome post! 🙂 I like them all but my favorite is the last one. You gotta have fun 🙂 I think having fun and building a friendship is the most important part of a strong relationship foundation. Being able to make each other smile and laugh during even the darkest times (or the most heated argument) is what will help your relationship survive. It’s worked for me for 25 years (5 years of dating and 20 years of marriage) ~ My husband is also my best friend! 🙂

  5. munchow says:

    You may be out of the dating biz, but your five personal dating tips are absolutely valid – and has always been, haven’t they? Not much has really changed – and they even hold true for most kinds of relationships between human being, be it between friends or in business. Well, maybe minus an explicit date tip number two…

  6. robincoyle says:

    How did you know I was the one that ripped off the tag from your mattress? Rats. I thought I had an air-tight alibi.

  7. Jennifer says:

    Hoping I never have to start dating again. Great post. 🙂

  8. bardictale says:

    Great post! Will you give a few tips on packing trunks as well?

  9. Chatty Owl says:

    *leaves you a non-existent message*

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