The Trouble With Being a Blogging Bellman in the Summertime is…

There simply isn’t enough time.

It’s the same old classic story:

  • Bellman starts blog.
  • Bellman publishes posts – a lot of posts – in the winter.
  • Summer arrives and bellman has plenty of experiences worth writing about.
  • Bellman is so busy living those experiences, he doesn’t have the time to write about them.
  • Bellman quickly throws together a post lamenting his fate and hope his readers buy into the premise.

So there you have it. I am a blogging bellman. It is summer, which for a bellman is “GO TIME, BABY!!” Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to share my experiences in order to enrich the lives of others.

Hold your applause. It’s what I do.

First off…

A call girl (I’m considering reviving this term. Let me know what you think.), just strolled through the lobby.

Her raven-tinted, long, lustrous hair was slightly disheveled but otherwise perfect. Her body was Amazonian in nature, but her face told the tale. She was trying to be Wonder Woman for her clients, but she was clearly a Wonder Girl whose young eyes had seen sights that should remain unseen. Nevertheless, she wasn’t hiding who she was from the world.

She owned her fate.

She faced forward and her back was straight. (Don’t forget to drink your milk, kiddies. You never know when it will be a factor in your future career!)

Her clothes were perfectly realigned on her well-used form.

Each of her wrists was sporting one-half of a pair of handcuffs; a newly-cut chain dangled from each arm.

She was in and out in a minute – much like her client, I’m willing to wager – but she left her mark on my consciousness.

Speaking of which, I don’t want to offend any of my many female readers but some events simply must be recorded for posterity. 

A young lady approached the Bell Desk at the height of Sunday morning madness check-out today and she completely blew my mind, albeit unintentionally. She was another Wonder Woman clone, but with a MAJOR difference. Actually  to be clear, she had two major differences, which arrived at our desk a full sixty-seconds before the rest of her body. 

We had to administer oxygen to our desk coordinator after she left, so great was her effect on our little department. Never in the history of fashion has so much been asked of a white cotton tank top with a plunging neckline; her chest struggled against the fabric, begging to be free of its prison.

(At this point I feel it would be best if I declared my eternal love and respect for my wife.)

The young lady was accompanied by her boyfriend who remained completely silent – I imagine he was plumb tuckered out. – and so she did all the talking. For that, at least, I owe him a debt of gratitude.

“Could you hold these until I’m ready to leave?” she asked as she stood before us, this testament to God’s craftsmanship and sense of humor.

There were four of us at the desk and yet, for one moment in time, we were united as one mind.

No one spoke.

No one blinked.

Finally, the Earth resumed spinning and our world returned to abnormal. Until the young lady bent over to retrieve something from her bag, that is….

Enjoy the next few days, folks. I’ll be occupied with other facets of my life and so I’ll be off the hook grid. 

Until next we meet, be well. See you in the lobby…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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63 Responses to The Trouble With Being a Blogging Bellman in the Summertime is…

  1. Very enjoyable post! Still laughing my butt off… 😉

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    Thank you for the enrichment. Call girl and tuckered out will never go out of style. Have a great week.

  3. Ha ha, ha this was an awesome Sunday morning read. Funny as hell. Thanks for ‘getting back to work’.

  4. ahaha! so funny and now considering augmentation….not!

  5. I’m thinking that you have the absolute best timing, down to the milisecond , of when you should insert the declaration of your eternal love and respect for your wife.
    The only way to render men speechless. Stick great big boobies in their face…or just lay them on the counter.

  6. lidipiri says:

    Bellman must continue blogging…. Highly amusing!

  7. List of X says:

    I hope that the summer that brings more experiences also translates into bringing more tips.

  8. Michael says:

    The second girl sounds more like Power Girl than Wonder Woman…I seem to recall Power Girl was known for that sort of thing.

  9. There is something quite nice about the term ‘call girl’ it’s definitely much better than some of the alternatives, so yes, revive it where you can I say! And I’m always quite pleased that I’m not of the huge-chested variety myself, just sayin’ 😉

  10. The sights you get to see everyday.

  11. Fiona says:

    Maybe you need a note taker, Hook, you could narrate on the run 😉

  12. renxkyoko says:

    So, uhm, when she bent over, what happened? You saw the underwear? 6-6

  13. Kanerva says:

    Beautiful!

    It’s not just the well-endowed that have that power, I’ve seen check-in grind to a halt due to some fine masculine specimens rocking up to the desk. It wasn’t just the girls that got distracted either 🙂

  14. She owned her fate. —- this may very well be one of my favorite lines EVER.

  15. ‘Two major differences’ – I’m still laughing at that 🙂

  16. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Ha! You really do see a bit of everything! Well, it takes all sorts after all 🙂

    Rohan.

  17. mairedubhtx says:

    Cut hand-cuffs! oh my!

  18. The Cutter says:

    But bigger doesn’t always mean better!

  19. Littlesundog says:

    Never a dull moment in your life, Mr. Hook. Great read, once again, with my morning coffee!

  20. Hahaha…you men are all so predictable 🙂 a good pair of knockers and you are on the floor ….the “perks” of the job have to come from somewhere..hehehe.

  21. TBM says:

    Call girl old fashioned. I thought it was the PC term

  22. MissFourEyes says:

    “At this point I feel it would be best if I declared my eternal love and respect for my wife.” haha! Love that part

  23. Muzak excluded, you are so lucky being able to go sightseeing without ever having to …move!
    😆

  24. Will there be popcorn? It’s as good as Broadway.

  25. maybe the Amazonian lady administered the handcuffs – apparently there’s often no sex involved, if you’re on the dominating end of things. As for Ms White Tank Top…what is it with guys and boobs! They’re for feeding babies!

  26. HoaiPhai says:

    Kind of appropriate that the top-heavy guest presented herself to you at “check-out” time… sounds like you did, indeed, check her out.

  27. Caroline says:

    Hahaha too funny. I wish my office had better people watching! But unfortunately, there’s only four of us.

  28. Daile says:

    I love the ‘I love my wife’ disclaimer hahaha

  29. I live in Whitby, Yorkshire, one of the prettiest tourist towns in the UK. I understand the summer madness.

    • The Hook says:

      You’re one lucky blogger! Thanks for understanding.

      • It’s a lovely place to be. Except for in the summer, when it seems like every single person in the UK comes to visit and you cannot move through the town centre or across the beach because of them. I avoid the centre of Whitby in the daytime as a general rule at this time of year.

  30. ARE U SURE YOU DON’T work at HOOKERVILLE???…..I feel like I’m missing out on Life……I’ve never been to Niagra Falls, let alone stayed at a Nice Hotel as the one you work for. Don’t you have just REGULAR FOLK come stay there????….LOL…..FUNNY POST!, as ALWAYS!! *Catherine* 🙂

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