Wednesday, July 24, 6:01 a.m.
The hour is early. Too damn early, in fact…
(Why am I up and in uniform so early? Oh yeah, the whole “pay the bills, feed the family, buy comics” thing. Damn.)
Getting back to business…
In the past, I’ve been fortunate enough to receive many blogging awards from my fellow partners in cyber-scribing. (Yes, I rule. Save your applause, folks.) One of the requirements of said awards is sharing a little bit about your inner workings; people want to know what makes a blogger tick.
Unfortunately, I never fulfill those requirements. (Yes, I suck. Save your rage for the Kardashians or Chris Brown, folks.)
In an attempt to balance the karmic scales, here is a look inside The Hook’s brain box, courtesy of a few random thoughts.
WHAT DOES THE HOOK THINK ABOUT AT SIX AM?
1) (While staring at myself in the mirror of the men’s locker room at work.) When the hell did I get so old? And for that matter, what the hell happened to my hairline? I mean, I was never Fabio, but c’mon! How long before my body begins to betray me on an epic scale? Will I be a broken-down fifty-year-old bellman with a bad back and a failed writing career? That should be fun…
2) (At my desk in a quiet, deserted lobby.) There is real music in the lobby! After 14 long monotonous, soul-crushing years of Muzak, there is real music in the lobby! Isn’t this one of the signs of the Apocalypse?
3) (While reflecting on blogs I scanned the night before.) Adam S. is shacking up with another blogger? And she’s one the coolest chicks on the web? They’ve formed a prototypical living arrangement thing with a crazy cat? I mean, I get it; they’re both beautiful, cool, intelligent and gifted mammals, but I’m simply surprised is all. (And yes, I can refer to a fellow dude as one of the beautiful people without fearing my masculinity is fading. Shut up!)
4) I missed my chance at attending San Diego Comic Con – again! I wonder if any working girls are smart enough to realize that Comic Con could be a goldmine?
All they’d have to do is invest in a Wonder Woman or Supergirl costume, rent a room for week, and the geeks would be go wild. Seriously, a clever hooker could make money hand over fist (yes, I went there.), during the biggest gathering of nerds geeks, basement dwellers, etc. in the free world. A truly wise whore could team-up superhero style with another girl and they’d reduce most nerds to jelly. It would be easy money.
5) (While scanning the bottom right corner of my work computer.) It’s almost time to pick up bags for a Spanish bus tour. I should get my luggage cart tricked out with hydraulics, a stereo system pumping Latin tunes and a pair of fuzzy dice. That would go over well….
6) (After returning from my labors.) I can’t believe I spent good money to see R.I.P.D. yesterday. Sarah and I had a blast – as per usual – but Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds owe me money.
7) (After a quick scan of the morning paper.) Okay, so Kate squeezed a human being out of her pampered, snobby British “Downtown Abbey”, why should the world care exactly? The Royal family doesn’t actually run the Empire or contribute anything to their countrymen beyond symbolic gestures and charitable works, so why have they become such a symbol of hope? Oh well, it’s too early to ponder the world stage. I wonder what the Kardashians are up to? Stupid people always make me laugh…
8) Wish I had more time to answer my readers’ comments. There are some wicked cool blogs out there demanding to be read and “liked”. For that matter, I wish I had more time to live my life. There are wicked cool family members out there that deserve to be loved/driven insane.
9) Thinking hurts my head. Must remember to cut back.
10) Just realized: it’s Wednesday! That means New Comic Book Day is here again! It is a great day to be a forty-something nerd.