Guest Post: Weekend Musings With Chelsea.

Hello there, puny humans. 

Hook’s dog, Chelsea, here – wait, scratch that, let’s be honest here, I rule that family and I do a petty good job too. Anyways…..

Yesterday was one heck of a day here in Niagara Falls; first the mercury rose so high my attempts to break my squirrel-chasing record were continually thwarted. Every time one of the little suckers could feel my breath on the back of their furry necks, they spontaneously combusted!

You think they’d at least wait until I could wrap them in bacon, but no, they had to be weak. Squirrels, man…

After the squirrel hunt proved to be a bust, I retreated to my dog cave – otherwise referred to by the family as the living room – to watch that loud, bright box you humans love so much.

(The family figures I’m chilling, but I actually pay attention to what goes on your world. I have to tell you, while you’ve made some advances in pet nutrition and overall care, I sometimes think you’re letting cats run the world, its in such bad shape!)

But I digress.

I want you to take a break from keeping up with those dog-awful Kardashians and groaning at the latest exploits of that monkey-abandoning Bieber twerp to read this.

If it doesn’t break your heart while simultaneously filling you with rage, then you need medical attention immediately, for your heart has obviously stopped.

Some people think simply because something isn’t human that means it isn’t entitled to the same baseline respect you’re supposed to show one another.

Animals think. (We simply keep our thoughts limited to the basics: food, shelter and whatever else we need for survival.)

Animals love. (Some of us are there for you at your happiest and lowest moments, although you don’t always realize it. Human science has proven how much our presence affects your medical health, folks.)

Animals feel. (Trust me, the feline in this tragic story felt every arrow as well as the loss of her litter.)

I’ve said my piece, so before I become a me-with-a-bone, let’s return to my misadventures with Mother Nature, shall we?

After she bestowed a fatal case of swamp butt upon the entire population of Southern Ontario, Mother Earth decided to close out the day with a storm that rivaled an act of Dog. It wasn’t raining cats and dogs, folks, it was thundering dinosaurs! (Trust me, that’s funny!)

There are only a few things that truly scare my race:

  1. A Milk Bone shortage.
  2. That cursed creation, the vacuum cleaner.
  3. Fireworks. (I try to imagine they’re actually exploding cats, but they still scare the heck out of me.
  4. Thunder.

I spent most of my night seeking a suitable refuge from the storm, in-between wild races against an invisible opponent around the house, that is. Every time I’d find a perfect spot, VampireLover would “relocate” me to my room. Finally, I made my final escape sometime after after 3 a.m. (Sorry, but I can’t be more precise. Dogs can’t tell time!) and nestled myself behind The Hook’s butt until this morning.

(It’s a great spot; firm, yet soft, and the temperature will occasionally rise for a moment or two…)

He’s off serving the traveling public right now (Milk bones don’t grow on trees – unfortunately!), but he sends his regards. And before I forget, as you all know, my “master” is a huge comic book fan, so this story  about his favorite comic book store, Pulp Comics, caught his eye. And of you live anywhere near the Niagara region, it may catch yours as well.

NOT HAVING SWEAT GLANDS SUUUCKS!

That’s all I have for now, my gentle two-legged readers. Enjoy your weekend and don’t forget to love your pet. If that Mickey Rourke guy can do it, anyone can.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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40 Responses to Guest Post: Weekend Musings With Chelsea.

  1. Wishing the exploding firecrackers were cats–best line!!!!

  2. Honie Briggs says:

    Chelsea’s got the world on a string.

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Hi Chelsea! Loved every word. Hated the fact that Cinnamon was shot. Horrible. Pets are family. Hope the weather cools off.
    Hi Hook! Are you gonna let Chelsea hijack your computer more often?

  4. Oh thanks a bunch Chelsea! My cats were looking over my shoulder while I was reading this, and now they’re insisting I give them the run of my blog for a while so they can express their deepest cat thoughts to the world! How am I going to get out of this one…

    • The Hook says:

      Not my problem, babe.
      Chelsea.

      She means well, but Chelsea gets a bit surly when cats are mentioned. Sorry, Vanessa-Jane!
      The Hook.

  5. Sunshine says:

    Fun times, Chelsea, waaaay too much fun! 😄

  6. michd74 says:

    That link was heartbreaking. Hi Chelsea! !

  7. Jennifer says:

    Fireworks as exploding cats. I do love that!! Not too much, but enough.

  8. Archon's Den says:

    I loved it, as did Brodie, trusty if dim-witted dog, and Mica, Zorah, Contessa, and Tonka, cats, all except the story about Cinnamon. 😦

  9. Cathy Ulrich says:

    Thanks for filling in today and giving Robert a break, Chelsea. And the love I share with Leo and Cielo are a constant reminder of the awesomeness of animals.

  10. HoaiPhai says:

    I’m sure even Chelsea would drop a dime on the one for putting Cinnamon in the hospital. I really hope they find the person(s) responsible and get them some help. Did you hear of any developments concerning the Happy Rolph tragedy from a while back?

  11. Oh if only fireworks were exploding cats we would be in peace. Great piece Chelsea!

  12. Chelsea, It does seem like you had quite the day. You were not alone in hiding from the thunder. Knowing how you feel about cats ruling the world, I have to applaud you in getting the word out about Cinnamon. So tragic.
    It seems that you and The Hook should get down to Pulp Comics and figure out a way to at least get a walk on part. Hook could carry a copy of his book under his arm or perhaps read to you from it while on camera. You never know…

    • The Hook says:

      True, Michelle, very true…
      We’ll see what The Hook does. Thanks for the sympathy and support. You’re one of the good ones, too.
      Chelsea.

  13. I love the unique POV. 🙂
    It’s horrible what they did to Cinnamon and her babies. No one, especially innocents like animals, deserves to be treated that way. I hope they can find her a nice, safe new home.
    Currently, I’m trying to convince my dad we need a new dog since we lost our beagle last year. Pets are amazing companions. My Aunt has a little Yorkie she rescued, but as her bumper sticker says, “Who rescued who?”

  14. Oh that cutie pie Chelsea, so right about cats ruling the world, oh its terrible and hey shortage of milk bones..oh my god 😯
    it rained dinosaurs here too..

  15. Daile says:

    Aww Chelsea is adorable. Although Bixby did get a little but scared at the mention of exploding cat fireworks

  16. Love the line about pretending exploding fireworks are cats ~ Chelsea you are hilarious! You deserve an extra Milk Bone for this awesome post 🙂

  17. TBM says:

    Fireworks: exploding cats. I need to tell my dog that one.

  18. Goodness Chelsea – what weather! (can’t look at the link – can’t take sadness today)
    Molly will watch the human’s bright box if there’s a dog on it – otherwise, she’ll watch for a hand needing a dog to pet.
    Hope the thunder goes away.

  19. Chelsea, thank you for sharing your insight! I’ve not got any pets right now, unless you count the donkeys. They listen to the radio on a daily basis, but we can’t bring them inside to watch the telly – they’re only just shed-trained, getting them house-trained (well, convent-trained) might take rather a lot more work!
    Faith

  20. Nora L Pratt says:

    Never thought I was afraid of thunder until I lived alone… Awe, Chelsea… I gotta agree with you and sympathize…

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