My muscles – the few that I have, at least – ache.
My brain is exploring a million possibilities simultaneously, everyone one of which sucks, by the way.
I feel like a man gripping a cursed monkey’s paw; my first wish was granted, but there may be a price….
A gigantic question mark is the first thing one sees when examining my wife’s current medical file and the only solution that will yield definitive answers may prove too much for her sensitivities. Asking an individual who is terrified of needles to submit to a medical procedure involving a needle seemingly designed to take down a charging rhino is a tall order, but nevertheless, such a procedure is in my wife’s future. That’s assuming she follows the path medical science has laid out for her, that is.
In the meantime, I find myself in a quiet lobby awaiting the call to begin picking up bags for yet another bus. It is a seemingly ordinary day, except it isn’t. I appear to be the same man I’ve always been, except I’m not.
My focus lies elsewhere and so I must step back for a few days and divert my attention to someone who has earned my love, respect and devotion.
We’ll talk soon, folks. (I’ll be around sporadically; you never know when The Hook is coming to get you!)
In the meantime, here’s a brief post I had originally written for young Becca Cord for use on her site, but seeing as how she’s busy sharing her cross-country adventures on 25ToFly, I’ll share it here.
WHERE SHOULD THE 25ToFly WORLD TOUR STOP NEXT?
I’ve been a fan of Becca for some time and so when I read of her recent travel woes I knew I had to spring into action.
Unfortunately, my spring has sprung lately (Seriously, Becca is the traveler and yet, I’m the one with terminal jet-lag.), however, I’m going to give it the old Canadian college try.
Personally, I think the lovely Miss Cord should travel more (Stop sobbing, Becca, you’re embarrassing yourself.), and truly explore all this wild and wonderful mudball of a planet has to offer.
Here are but a few destinations I think our host should grace with her distinctive presence.
1) Merry Ole England: Long johns first appeared in England in the 17th century, and so what better location to kick-off a 25ToFly World Tour? I’m certain Becca could reduce those guards with the funny hats to drooling idiots. And let’s not forget, there’s still an unattached prince out there…
She’d be running that place in a week, give or take.
2) Greece. Becca is a cat person. (Punish yourself soundly if you didn’t know that, and we’ll wait for you. All done? Good, don’t let it happen again.)
The oldest archaeological evidence for domesticated cats was found on the Greek island of Cyprus, where several animal species including cats were introduced by 7500 BC. And so a trip here would be a return to the Motherland, so to speak.
Incidentally, when I said “cat person”, I didn’t mean an actual feline/human hybrid, but rather a lover of cats… but not an actual lover of cats… I’m going to move ahead now, before my meds fully fade from my system…
3) Beverly Hills: Kim Kardashian lives here. She desperately needs her ass kicked and I can’t do it. I’m willing to wait for Miss K to deliver her soon-to-be traumatized demon spawn, but then I’ll personally purchase the ticket for Becca and send her off to battle.
Admit it, even the pacifists among you surely wouldn’t object to seeing Becca and Kim rolling around – I’m going to stop typing before I wind up divorced….
Forget the Wolf Pack. Screw those chicks from Bridesmaids. I want to see this misadventure.
5) Niagara Falls: Do I really need to explain? This town needs an enema!
6) San Diego Comic Con: This is the BIG ONE; the mother of all cons, and I’d kill to see Becca’s reaction to all the fanboy madness unfolding in front of her. It would be like dropping a bag of cats in the middle of a dog show.
I’m going to wrap it up, but the possibilities are endless; I’d like to revisit this concept and place Becca in alternate/fictional realities. Imagine “Fifty Shades of Ginger” or Wedding Crasher with Becca and Tracy Fulks. Pretty mind-boggling, right?
All right, I’m going to stop typing now…
ONLY 48 HOURS (GIVE OR TAKE) REMAIN, KIDS!
ONE MORE THING, FOLKS…
Here is the link to my latest NiagaraHub column, focusing, strangely enough, on Comic Con. Imagine that?