The blogger/demigod known far and wide as Le Clown is many things.
- The Chosen One in the eyes of the overlords who command the WordPress platform.
- A man (until I can prove otherwise), father, husband, and activist.
- Wildly talented and possessed of an old soul.
- Someone I both admire, and as much as I hate to admit it, resent for his success.
- A blogger in transition.
A Clown On Fire has passed the one year mark and its creator wishes to mark the occasion by positioning his site for even more success with a head-to-toe virtual overhaul.
And he wants your help.
Before he clicks “publish“ April 30th, friends, he wants you to tell him:
- Your suggestions: more of / less of;
- Topics you’d like to see covered;
- Revamps of existing features—Carnies’ Corner for example;
- General feedback.
- How to get blood out of those ridiculously huge shoes clowns wear.
So help a clown out will you? Le Clown is a trailblazer, a blogger who bravely shares the highs and lows of his past, but not in an attempt to get famous. I’m getting sick and tired of writers/bloggers who exploit/manufacture traumas for commercial gain; it’s all the rage these days. Are there any writers in the marketplace today who have had happy, productive, normal childhoods?
Le Clown wants you to laugh and cry with him and heal along the way, not make him rich. Although, that having been said, I’m sure he isn’t opposed to becoming filthy rich – seltzer is damn expensive these days.
So click HERE and help influence the production of blog posts by Le Clown. You’ll feel better about yourself if you do….
And now, back to the show!
I’m sure many of you have the same questions after reading my work. Questions like:
- How on Earth has The Hook remained employed at the same establishment all these years?
- Does the Hook ever have a good day?
- Just how much are people supposed to tip their bellman anyway?
- I’ve been very fortunate in my career. I have an award – issued company-wide – for going “above and beyond” and, ironically, in all the time that I’ve spent writing about my job, no one has ever complained about the service they’ve received from me.
- I have plenty of good days – those would be the days that I’m not on the schedule! Seriously though, my stories are focused on the small percentage of mentally damaged guests that cross my path, so most of the time my days are pretty much stress free.
- As for the last question, the answer lies below.. Sort of.
I know most people will scan these and say “Fat chance!”, but just remember, these are guidelines. Human beings aren’t very adept at following guidelines – take “Thou Shalt Not Kill” or “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery”, for example – so all I would like to see is an honest effort from the Modern Traveler to follow the spirit of these rules, okay?
And for those who don’t have the time to follow the link, here is a condensed version, focused on The Hook’s natural habitat.
F & B (That’s Food and Beverage, if you’re not in the “biz”!)
According to the list, one is not expected to tip those who serve them coffee or takeout. That having been said, I know plenty of people who will leave the cashiers at Tim Hortons a few coins. In some ways, that’s like tipping your dealer, but to each his own. Bartenders should get $1 a drink; I’ve known plenty of bartenders who get much more than a dollar from some of our guests (i.e. cougars) on a regular basis, but that’s another story entirely…
Waitstaff should get 15 per cent for adequate service, 20 per cent for excellent service, and 10 per cent (or less) for poor service. And delivery people should receive 10 per cent, says common etiquette, something that, unfortunately, is in short supply these days.
When Staying With The Hook…
According to Business Insider, “you should include money for tips in your next travel budget, because there is a host of people you should be leaving gratuities for when you stay at a hotel.”
I love the folks at Business Insider.
Bellmen and women should get one to two dollars a bag (five dollar minimum), the concierge should get anywhere between five to 20 dollars, and parking valets should receive two to five dollars. Even as I type this, I realize the hopelessness of trying to turn this particular tide, but hopefully a few people will read this and be slightly enlightened.
If you order room service, you are expected to leave five dollars minimum. And the girls and guys in housekeeping should get two to five dollars per night or a lump sum at checkout. Some of them should receive extra funds for therapy – you wouldn’t believe what they see.
Ultimately, travelers will tip according to their individual moral code. There are however, certain patterns that apply to specific individuals, such as…
GAMBLERS: They’ll usually tip big when they arrive – before they hit the casino – and HUGE if they hit the jackpot! If they lose, however, they’ll become both miserable AND cheap, which is a deadly combo…
MUSICIANS AND BACK-UP SINGERS: My hotel is within spitting distance of a major music venue and so I’ve dealt with my fair share of famous musicians’ bands and support personnel. They’ll usually slip you five dollars for their bags – which are always weathered and tattered – but if you have to haul their amps, axes and other musical tools, you’ll be looking at a decent payday.
GUESTS FOR WHOM “DISCRETION” IS KEY: Not every couple who checks into a hotel is an actual couple, if you catch my drift. Some couplings must remain confined to the shadows, for the harsh light of truth would overcome them and bring their artificial realities to an abrupt and messy end. .
I’ve seen to the needs of several of these couples in the past and the gentleman will always make sure you remember them. They’re not paying for the bell service, they’re paying for your silence. And I’m happy to shut up – for the right price.
And that’s about it for now, folks. Have a happy, fun-filled weekend. As always, I’ll be serving the traveling public, so say a prayer for your buddy, The Hook, all right?
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: May 9 is fast approaching – like a horde of Beliebers on Red Bull – so put a few pennies away for Leanne Shirtliffe’s first literary offering…