Miss Four Eyes Takes The Wheel…

My guest today needs no introduction, but what kind of host would I be if I didn’t metaphorically sing her praises?

She is the founder of the Blog Naked Revolution.

She has opened her cyber-haven home to me on several occasions.

She is my friend, blogging partner and an all-around good egg.

She is Miss Four Eyes, and she is going to rock your virtual world….

Take it away, partner!

 I love road trips.

Driving around as fast as you want.

The trees whooshing past. Singing along to the most awful songs on the radio.

Peeing in public restrooms.

Scratch that. I do not love the last one.  

The best part about a road trip is meeting new people. Sometimes these people remind you of the beginning of a horror movie, most of the time they’re completely harmless but incredibly annoying.

Some people you’re likely to meet on road trips:

1)  The Road-Trip Virgin – A complete newbie. This guy has no idea what he’s getting himself into. His only references for road trips are cheesy movies. He really believes that one trip will change his life forever. His goals involve finding the girl (THE girl, not a girl), and finding the meaning of life. His new favorite phrase is ‘YOLO!’ and sadly will change to ‘WTF?!’ a day in. He can’t believe what real public restrooms look like and is terrified of catching gonorrhea by simply touching the door knob.

2)  The Frat Boy – He travels so that he can tell cool stories of his college years. All of his stories end with “…and it was soooo rad!”. You wonder why he couldn’t just drink a lot and party (I mean, PARRTAAAY) at his frat house. It’s not like he’s going to remember anything.

3)  The Holier than Thou Traveller – this woman spent a month in Uganda and took a vow to help people. She looks and eats much like a hippie, but is far too stuck up to be one. She loves to talk to strangers, but only to make you feel horrible and guilty that you’re not doing more to help the less fortunate. Every french fry you lift to your lips will be followed with a judgmental look. Somehow despite everything she says, she is a permanent resident of a first world country with no intentions of relocating.

4)  The Wi-Fi Starved – A reluctant internet addict, this guy is genuinely out on the road to visit real places that he’s only explored through Google Maps street view. But he’s desperate, he needs the internet NOW! He saw an actual tumbleweed and needs to upload to Facebook. He’ll beg you to check if you’ve got any network, any at all, just one bar will do

.5)  Lt. Destination – The point of a road trip is completely lost on her. She’s the woman who is determined to get you to your destination and back in one piece. She’ll make sure you stop at appropriate intervals, she’s marked out the best public restrooms and least creepy gas stations. She’s good to have around but she’s like a military tour guide. You spontaneously decide to take a small detour to see an important national monument? Ha! Not on her watch.

6)  The Over-Packer – (this would be me) She packs way too much; her bags weigh as much as a person. Her friends count it as another passenger. She’s the one to go to in an emergency. First-aid kit? Got it. Feel a sniffle coming up? She’s got cold meds, non-drowsy. Your feet are just a tad chilly? You can find extra socks in there. Whatever you need, it’ll be there. Better safe than sorry, she says far too often.

7)  The Photographer – Guess what this guy’s favourite hobby is? Taking pictures. Not just any pictures, pictures of random crap. He thinks his shot of a crushed coke can on the side of the highway is beautifully artistic. It isn’t. It’s garbage, literally. He absolutely must take a picture of, in front of, inside of, EVERYTHING. His female counterpart prefers taking pictures of herself duck facing with her girlfriends in front of, inside of, EVERYTHING. These guys often tend to be The Road-Trip Virgins as well.  

A couple of weeks ago I saw a completely new character that I’m hoping doesn’t catch on.

I call him Mr. Confident. This guy pulled over to pee. There was a tree five feet away from him, but I guess he couldn’t wait. He unzipped his pants, turned around to face the highway and….peed.

Just like that, for all to see.

With all the camera phones in the world I’m surprised he didn’t become another internet meme. (Peez on side of highway, becomez internetz sensation!).

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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93 Responses to Miss Four Eyes Takes The Wheel…

  1. xdanigirl says:

    Hmmm…. I think I’m the over packer. For a weekend trip three hours from I packed just about every shirt and pair of pants my eight month old had. Plus Tylenol, Ibuprofen, a thermometer, two different syringes, two extra pacies, 9 jars of baby food, a whole box of oatmeal, and two and half cans of formula. For my two year old I packed 4 pairs of pants, 4 shirts, and every pair of underwear he owns. Plus like 3 pairs of sweats for him to sleep in. For me and my husband it was nothing like that! It was the basic necessities: two shirts, two pants, undies, toothbrush/toothpaste, shampoo/conditioner, and chargers for electronic devices. And that was IT!

    • MissFourEyes says:

      High five for being an over packer! Good thinking on the underwear, you can never have too many pairs of underwear 😀

      • xdanigirl says:

        Exactly!! And for the most part he is completely potty trained (geez I sound like I’m talking about my dog…) but we still have accidents at night when he is asleep. So I make sure we are extremely prepared for accidents!!

    • If you don’t pack it, rest assured you’ll need it. Always. Especially with a baby! Once my dh and I packed everything for baby we could think of, arrived at grandparents, and realized we had no diapers. I felt like the biggest moron mommy ever.

      • xdanigirl says:

        Oh yeah! And we took an entire pack of diapers. Brand new pack. Plus the eight or so I already keep in the diaper bag. Last time we went on the three hour trip I forgot formula or we ran out or something and we had to stop and get some. And I didn’t take Tylenol. HUGE mistake!! Hence the Tylenol AND Ibuprofen!

  2. JackieP says:

    I have traveled so much I’m not sure I’m listed on here. ha! I don’t take a lot of pictures, I try to avoid the public restrooms and stop at gas stations or restraunts, they are much cleaner. I’m pretty laid back when I travel. You need another one just for me! 😉

  3. Katie says:

    I’m not a big road trip gal, but I already know I’d be the wifi-starved.

  4. TBM says:

    I’m a mixture of the Over-Packer and Photographer. And the guy peeing on the side of the road, at least he’s not ashamed to show his shortcomings. Not that I approve of his approach

  5. "HE WHO" says:

    I used to do road trips with my young family every summer when I was in my twenties.That was before the cell phone, internet, etc. We’d drive from Winnipeg to the Pacific Ocean the Canadian way (to visit relatives), then back through the States. I was always glad to find a public rest room, for they were few and far between. My oldest daughter, however, refused to use them if they were the slightest bit dirty. That went for restaurants too. A porta potty was usually part of the stuff we had to pack. Now, having flown everywhere for the past 30 or so years, I am yearning for a road trip again!!!!

    • MissFourEyes says:

      I have a system for public restrooms: Hold your breath, don’t touch anything, and don’t look at anything.
      Hope you have a great road trip very soon 😉

  6. I hate traveling with number 1 and 3.
    There’s only 1 person, and 1 person only who can travel with me and the only person I handle, cuz we are both control freak, anal and extremely annoying. He takes care of booking planes, buses, trains and I book hotels and food, as long as we don’t invade each other’s territory we’d be fine.
    Number 6 is nice as long as you don’t have to help carrying the bags.
    And number 7, ohhh jesus! There are better pics in google anyway, so stop snapping damn it!
    Great post Miss.

    • MissFourEyes says:

      Looks like you and your one person have a great system. I need to find an extremely annoying control freak to share half the planning with 🙂
      Being a number 6, I can tell you that we’ve got a system for the bags. You won’t have to carry a thing.

  7. mairedubhtx says:

    I’m an overpacker, I must confess. I’m prepared for an emergency and then some. I have google maps, yahoo maps, cold and allergy meds, headache meds, meds for upset stomachs, sewing kit, etc. You name it, I probably have it. Extra water, Colas, extra sandwiches, cookies, at least we won’t starve if we are lost in the woods. But why would we be lost? We have google maps AND yahoo maps!

  8. MissFourEyes says:

    Reblogged this on Miss Four Eyes and commented:
    I’m guest posting over at The Hook’s blog today. Check it out 😉

  9. I cannot stand all those candid shots – reason 589 I dumped facebook. I don’t want to see all those pictures of your stupid face – I don’t care what your stupid face is in front of because you’re blocking the view anyway. And you’re not cute or sexy. Stop it, stop it now!

    Although I am still tempted to start an incognito facebook account as Alice and put all sorts of insane things in my profile, just to see what they try to advertise to me. Or what friends they suggest.

  10. I also know the holier than thou traveler and want to shove granola up her nose.

  11. Haha! Gave me such a cackle, what a shame though when you described that crushed coke bottle on the side I imagined some masterpiece . Guess we know which annoying I am .

  12. I’m Holier than thou..JOKE!!! 🙂 I m the most unorganized person, I would forget my camera, so photo’s would be out, I would forget the phone charger, so no Wi-FI for me. I’d be an over packer, with a suitcase full of shite..LOL Have a wonderful day xx00xx

    Mollie and Alfie

  13. I am kind of like #5, Lt. Destination in that I am always the navigator. I have a built in system. He-Who, on the other hand, is directionally challenged and frequently gets lost going around the block. If he is late…he is lost.
    I do like side trips and spontaneity when on the road but I can always get us back on track.

    • MissFourEyes says:

      You sound like a great person to have around while travelling! I’m constantly worried about getting lost in the middle of a desert and ending up like some horror movie

  14. Hee hee – I hate driving – I’m the reluctant road-tripper… I just want to be a passenger that can read and not have to look up to do some imaginary breaking on the interstate…

  15. El Guapo says:

    I’ve travelled with all of those.
    but you left one out – the Zen traveller, who’s going just to enjoy teh road, wherever it leads.

  16. The Holier Than Thou traveler is THE WORST. You find this a lot in hostels which can be an amazing or brutal experience depending on who you stay with.

  17. Soul Walker says:

    I love peeing on the side of the highway.

  18. Lady Lovely says:

    I love road trips! I’m the one who’s always trying to take us off course. Let’s go here, no let’s go this way! Who cares what the map says! Hmm…now I know why no one wants to travel with me. I wouldn’t do well travelling with a number 5.

  19. My days basically revolve around planning my next road trip destination. I’m a bit of a mixture when it comes to which version of the road tripper I am. I am a chronic under-packer; I’m always forgetting something. I’m definitely not Lt. Destination; I’m ALWAYS the one pressing the car down some dark and dusty road to view some cheesy attraction. I am most definitely the photographer though. I take an annoying amount of pictures, but one day my friends will appreciate it!

  20. Carrie Rubin says:

    I love driving, but I love driving alone. And I think your funny summary of travel companions has just convinced me I will continue to drive alone. Well, maybe I’ll be stuck with a kid or two in the backseat…

  21. The Hook says:

    You’ve made me proud, partner. Great job!

  22. filledandfooled says:

    So so so true! Love it!

  23. Jennifer says:

    Love it. And we’ve been on enough road trips to have seen all of them. And then there is us. Hubby is #5 and I am definitely #7. The kids would now be some kind of #4.

  24. Steven says:

    Fun post!

    I’m sort of a hybrid of 4 through 7. Although with all my travels in the last year and a half, I’ve gotten MUCH better about traveling light- I just did three countries (and nine trains) in four days with only this bag: https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/579209_10151379628197151_178217965_n.jpg

    I’m definitely the wifi starved, though. I’ve even started buying gadgets to help facilitate my wifi needs…

    • MissFourEyes says:

      Wow! Four days and only one bag. I bow to you.
      These gadgets, tell me more about them. I NEED the internet everywhere I go!

      • Steven says:

        All of my travel gadgets are devised to make my travel easier and not have to bring along a full laptop.

        For travel connectivity, one option is the Mifi- I used to have one of these, but I don’t have one any more. It’s a great way to have data on the go, though. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MiFi

        What I do have is a tiny personal router that can extend a hotel wifi hotspot to multiple devices with minimal setup. It also has a rechargable battery and thus can charge your cellphone in a pinch: http://www.amazon.com/D-Link-SharePort-Companion-Rechargeable-DIR-506L/dp/B0095F5ACE/

        Additionally, I got the SD card adaptor for the ipad mini (http://store.apple.com/us/product/MD822ZM/A/lightning-to-sd-card-camera-reader) , which means that I don’t need to carry a laptop any more if I just want to have it to pull photos off the camera. (The adaptor is just one of several technologies I use to get my photos from camera to web while I’m out and about.)

        I also have an Enercell rechargeable battery for emergency phone repowerings. They’re available from radio shack for forty or fifty bucks. http://www.mobiletechreview.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Number=40316

        My typical travel gadgetry these days is not very heavy. For my trips to Venice, Rome, and Dublin in May, I will be carrying the following:
        – Canon dSLR camera
        – Small pocket Canon camera for just-in-case (I might leave this one behind.)
        – iPad mini with the sd card reader adaptor
        – iPhone because it’s my phone
        – Enercell as noted above
        – D-link router as noted above
        – A small GPS. My phone doesn’t get data outside of Germany, and I like to not get lost. I bought the Garmin Nuvi 3490, which is smaller and thinner than some cellphones I’ve seen- it has a triaxial compass and public transit information so it’s ideal for pedestrian navigation. http://reviews.cnet.com/car-gps-navigation/garmin-nuvi-3490lmt-gps/4505-3430_7-35018035.html
        – if I have the room, I’ll bring my Kindle too. I can read on the iPad, but I prefer the e-ink to backlit lcd for reading for long periods of time.

    • MissFourEyes says:

      Thanks, Steven! I’m saving all of those for future reference 🙂

  25. renxkyoko says:

    oor one, Mr. Hook !

  26. renxkyoko says:

    Oooops, Good one, I meant.

  27. Guilezilla says:

    Hahaha renxkyoko, trying to be a pirate, eh? 😀

    Anyway, I think I’m the photographer. You know, the crushed can can become artistic in some ways. It’s not garbage. I also take pictures of everything till my battery dies. Though, I don’t take shots of people. Anyway…

  28. 1jaded1 says:

    This is great! As an overpacker, does your car scrape the road and howl in protest when you punch the gas pedal?

  29. List of X says:

    Highly accurate descriptions, I think. Personally, I switch between all these modes depending on where I go and who I travel with.
    I would also suggest “been there done that” type: it’s this guy (or gal) who’s been where you are going, and has tons of info to share about your destination. Though it’s not always the case that they know what they are talking about, or have actually been there.

  30. stephrogers says:

    Hilarious! I would definitely be wi-fi starved…but… there’s nothing wrong with hippies, especially the ones that haven’t been to Uganda.

  31. Pixie Girl says:

    Hahaha this is hilarious, Missy! I think I’m somewhere between Wifi-starved and Photographer. I guess my packing is finally under control for most trips, since I’m travelling quite regularly, especially when I’m flying between Poland and the UK. But send me to a place where I can expect going out, and it gets tricky to pack all those pairs of shoes…

  32. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Now I wanna go on a road trip 😦 I guess I’m the photographer, annoying everybody as I stop every five seconds to take a photo. I’ve figured out that if I’m with people and want to take photos I just run ahead about 200 meters and then everyone else can stroll while I snap away happily out in front.

    And yes, I hate being that guy lol >.<

    Great post as always 🙂


  33. The Guat says:

    A very cool post indeed. I haven’t gone on vacation in a while but I must confess I am the photo chick and the over-packer. But I have to admit that I was never a crazed photographer until I started blogging. Nice post.

  34. rose says:

    Very well put, Miss Four Eyes. And Hook. Is there a category for people who forget to take all the most important things and spend most of their road trip getting lost?

    • MissFourEyes says:

      Haha! The Forgetters – They’re fun to have around. They love road trips, and you enjoy their company. There is never a dull moment with these guys. But make sure you travel with an Over-Packer, because you’re likely to die in the middle of the desert without her 😉

  35. unfetteredbs says:

    haaa I love your lists! Well done.. and oh so true

  36. Diane C says:

    My husband defines the over packer. I can travel overseas for a month with a carryon but when we drove to Ottawa, he packed so much stuff, my daughter had almost nowhere to sit. She still claims that she has marks in her body from the folding chairs (which we never used) that were pressed into her side by his giant suitcase, four air mattresses (there were only three of us), a tent and enough assorted camping gear that you couldn’t see out the rear window.

  37. OMG, you are too hysterical! I’m a combo of #5 and #6 — pretty deadly. LOL!! Our last road trip was three years ago, and the fam has vehemently vetoed any suggestions I make about taking another one. Hmmm. . ..

  38. Nicole Marie says:

    Bahahaaha. I see ALL of these types in the airport. This gave me a hearty giggle after a crappy day at work. Loved it!

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