Miss Four Eyes Takes The Wheel…

My guest today needs no introduction, but what kind of host would I be if I didn’t metaphorically sing her praises?

She is the founder of the Blog Naked Revolution.

She has opened her cyber-haven home to me on several occasions.

She is my friend, blogging partner and an all-around good egg.

She is Miss Four Eyes, and she is going to rock your virtual world….

Take it away, partner!

 I love road trips.

Driving around as fast as you want.

The trees whooshing past. Singing along to the most awful songs on the radio.

Peeing in public restrooms.

Scratch that. I do not love the last one.  

The best part about a road trip is meeting new people. Sometimes these people remind you of the beginning of a horror movie, most of the time they’re completely harmless but incredibly annoying.

Some people you’re likely to meet on road trips:

1)  The Road-Trip Virgin – A complete newbie. This guy has no idea what he’s getting himself into. His only references for road trips are cheesy movies. He really believes that one trip will change his life forever. His goals involve finding the girl (THE girl, not a girl), and finding the meaning of life. His new favorite phrase is ‘YOLO!’ and sadly will change to ‘WTF?!’ a day in. He can’t believe what real public restrooms look like and is terrified of catching gonorrhea by simply touching the door knob.

2)  The Frat Boy – He travels so that he can tell cool stories of his college years. All of his stories end with “…and it was soooo rad!”. You wonder why he couldn’t just drink a lot and party (I mean, PARRTAAAY) at his frat house. It’s not like he’s going to remember anything.

3)  The Holier than Thou Traveller – this woman spent a month in Uganda and took a vow to help people. She looks and eats much like a hippie, but is far too stuck up to be one. She loves to talk to strangers, but only to make you feel horrible and guilty that you’re not doing more to help the less fortunate. Every french fry you lift to your lips will be followed with a judgmental look. Somehow despite everything she says, she is a permanent resident of a first world country with no intentions of relocating.

4)  The Wi-Fi Starved – A reluctant internet addict, this guy is genuinely out on the road to visit real places that he’s only explored through Google Maps street view. But he’s desperate, he needs the internet NOW! He saw an actual tumbleweed and needs to upload to Facebook. He’ll beg you to check if you’ve got any network, any at all, just one bar will do

.5)  Lt. Destination – The point of a road trip is completely lost on her. She’s the woman who is determined to get you to your destination and back in one piece. She’ll make sure you stop at appropriate intervals, she’s marked out the best public restrooms and least creepy gas stations. She’s good to have around but she’s like a military tour guide. You spontaneously decide to take a small detour to see an important national monument? Ha! Not on her watch.

6)  The Over-Packer – (this would be me) She packs way too much; her bags weigh as much as a person. Her friends count it as another passenger. She’s the one to go to in an emergency. First-aid kit? Got it. Feel a sniffle coming up? She’s got cold meds, non-drowsy. Your feet are just a tad chilly? You can find extra socks in there. Whatever you need, it’ll be there. Better safe than sorry, she says far too often.

7)  The Photographer – Guess what this guy’s favourite hobby is? Taking pictures. Not just any pictures, pictures of random crap. He thinks his shot of a crushed coke can on the side of the highway is beautifully artistic. It isn’t. It’s garbage, literally. He absolutely must take a picture of, in front of, inside of, EVERYTHING. His female counterpart prefers taking pictures of herself duck facing with her girlfriends in front of, inside of, EVERYTHING. These guys often tend to be The Road-Trip Virgins as well.  

A couple of weeks ago I saw a completely new character that I’m hoping doesn’t catch on.

I call him Mr. Confident. This guy pulled over to pee. There was a tree five feet away from him, but I guess he couldn’t wait. He unzipped his pants, turned around to face the highway and….peed.

Just like that, for all to see.

With all the camera phones in the world I’m surprised he didn’t become another internet meme. (Peez on side of highway, becomez internetz sensation!).