Definitely Cry Over Expired Milk – With Becca Cord. (“Or How I Blog On A Saturday”, by The Hook)

If you don’t know who Becca is by now, then you should stop reading this right now, take a deep, cleansing breath and re-evaluate your entire existence, because you’re doing something wrong, my friend.

Becca is THE MAN. Period.

Except, she doesn’t actually have man parts (well, maybe in her freezer; don’t mess with that girl!), but she is ridiculously badass. She is also on a mission. namely, to conquer the great kingdom of YouTube, and rename it BeccaTube.

Original name, right?

But I digress.

As a loyal ally and fan of Ms. Cord, I present to you now, her latest video masterpiece….

Definitely Cry Over Expired Milk

(Incidentally, this post is in no way an attempt on my part to fill space while I desperately attempt to write a second book. Nor is it a way to keep my audience occupied while I attempt to serve the great unwashed masses currently filing into the hotel on Easter weekend.)

Are you buying any of this?

Anyway, here we go…

My impulse purchasing has become a real problem as of late. I am not even paying attention anymore. Last night I was picking up a few beers and for some reason felt compelled to buy some milk too. I don’t even know why. I never buy milk. So, this morning I wake up and realize that I have milk, which is a rare commodity in my fridge. I open the little bottle and take a big swig.

It took me about half a second after I already swallowed my sip to realize that something was not right. I looked at the expiration date immediately.

To see if Becca Cord actually survived her brush with liquid death, read on…

AND NOW, SOME ORIGINAL CONTENT FROM THE HOOK…

Five Crazy Things That Kids Said Today.

Yeah, I know the title sucks. Sue me. I felt bad for almost hitting “Publish” without including something from my own creative machine…

1)  “MOM! I THINK WE KILLED TIMMY!” Seriously, these two rugrats knocked their sibling over in the lobby, where he remained, face down and sobbing quietly, for ten full minutes.

2)  “Mom, Dad! The servant is here!” The dad actually slipped me a twenty out of embarrassment. I love kids sometimes.

3)  “Dad, can we order room service? I feel like a steak and a beer!”  Eight-year-old girls, man…

4)  “Has Justin Bieber ever stayed here? My cousin, Jessica, has a picture of her standing in front of his car here, and I said she faked it because she’s a lying slutbag!”  This young lady was twelve. Her parents chose to ignore her outburst. Modern parents, man….

Incidentally, it was Bieber’s dad’s car – a replica of Justin’s “Batmobile” – and he didn’t actually check in, he simply left his vehicle parked outside for a few hours. But that’s another post entirely…

5)  (Another eight-year-old girl, but speaking in a hushed tone) “We brought my sister’s girlfriend, Katie, with us. But we can’t s tell anyone she’s her girlfriend. And I’m not supposed to tell anyone Katie gave me $5 to get Mom and Dad out of the room so they can -”  The young lady in question was unable to finish her secret spilling, as her older sister and mom both reached for her throat and yanked her back hard enough to snap her little, gossipy neck….

Happy Saturday, folks!